CASS.KIA.My Own Story

Zzz

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Today is a terrible day.

For one, I think the air is extremely filthy because for the entire day I have been breathing abnormally and I can feel it. It is very annoying.
It rained, but then the air outside was foggy or smoky or something. Just dirty.

And my body tires. I don't know why.

Also, today Theo is away in Malaysia on a trip. I will be dragged to Malaysia on the 21st. No internet, no friends. But then again I should already be used to that.

On top of that, my mum happily told me she will be out having dinner with her friends. Which means that I have no dinner, and also that I have to eat alone.
And eat alone I did.

Plus, my internet is back to its sucky self again. It was fine a few days ago, but my Dad had to go pull the cable out just to put in the microfilter, and everything just died. Again. And I took the filter out and put the jack back, but it doesn't really work that well. How sucky.

Sighs.

Oh, and I saw my previous piano teacher while having dinner. And she looked at me for like, a second? And then she just walked away. WTH.

Ohmytians, my life really sucks.

Sigh.

:(

Pointless

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Nowadays there's really not much to live for?

How am I going to survive almost half a year of holidays?!
And how am I going to go to work and still remain free enough to go out with my pals?

Haizz.

Not to mention that there isn't really anyone to go out with me...
And not be awkward.

Awkward... *silence*

Right.

At least now I can talk to him more naturally, and end conversations on my own accord so I won't be kept waiting.
At least he replies.

I should be content.

Yeah.

But I want to be happy.

:(

Annoyance

My mum keeps asking me every single day if I have submitted my application to NUS.
And I find that freaking annoying.

Firstly, it's not my first choice to go to NUS. Secondly, all I have been working for this whole year is for studies in the US. Now that my parents have stubbed my dreams out just like that, do they expect me to be very enthusiastic about apply to NUS?

Seriously.

stop asking me if I have submitted my application.

I had a brief moment of happiness today, I'd say about 10 minutes of it.

I spent my whole day playing PSP and DS, and eating instant noodles. How unhealthy can I get.

I am so not in the mood to do my after-exchange report, or to compile Taiwan photos.
Really not in the mood.
Not now, when I don't have the motivation to do anything.

I haven't had any motivation for anything else after last December.
Perhaps I'm really broken.

Oh, I whacked my head on the bathtub today while I was looking forward to soaking in the warm tub of water. It wasn't really deep, only a couple centimetres of water, coz it was still filling up. Then when I wanted to lay down and relax. THWACK! And ouch.

Someone is going overseas this week if I am not wrong. Pretty sad, I guess.
And I doubt anything would change. Though I hope it really would.

Gah. When would my life be better?

:(

Dissidia

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I've started playing Dissidia after Theo returned the PSP.
I would give him the PSP if I could.. afterall, he would be a better owner to the PSP than I am.

I found it quite fun, although it primarily involves strategic button smashing and hitting other people.

So perhaps I will lose him. I think it's time for me to acknowledge that the more I love anything, that something will be taken away from me sooner. I loved my iPhone, and it was taken away from me. I loved my dream of studying in US, and that was taken away from me too.

Time was running out. Time IS running out.

Mere weeks to go before I have no choice but to give up... When what I love will be brutally snatched from my hands. I know that because with every minute that passes, chances of success eventually will get lower.

On a brighter side, my pet Onion grew today. The green leaves broke through the fleshy leaves. They look a nice shade of green, and look cute. And it's quite big, coz my onion is larger this time.
Therefore, I can get nice spring onions next time with my soup, and it's organic.

This year is really mundane... ahhh.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I had quite a lot of fun today.

The gathering was really good.

I get to see the people I miss.

A shoutout to JunYup, coz 11 December is his birthday...
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNYUP!

But anyways, had a really fun time laughing over Theo's expression when he saw Godiva chocolates.
Also, playing raving rabbids makes one retarded..
But much needed after being a license nerd after 4 years of NUSH...

Back from Taiwan, my legs are getting better coz there is less walking and using leg muscles just to remain upright in the bus.
I really dislike the buses in Taiwan...
They should have advanced brake systems or something, before someone really flies out of the windshield next time.

And WeiCheng, I'm still gonna stuff money in your bag next time.

And Theo, have fun eating malt candy from the syringe... I realised it was gonna be a little tough.

I hate my internet when it keeps disconnecting.

But a thunderstorm fried Weicheng's internet, so I should just shut up right now about the internet.

I really wished I had someone to spend Christmas with.
So Father Christmas, if you read little KiaKia's blog...
She wants you-know-what-I-want anyway...

More than a year le, I quite xun... still cannot get the person I like.

My Taiwan buddies tell me to quickly go tell him that I love him,
but seriously, I have been doing so for the past year.

I envy those girls over at Zhongshan, they all are so... open about relationships.
And expressions of affection in Taipei are so... natural.
In Singapore, it always seem like girls and guys hold hand in public, or hug, or whatever, they're all meant to show off.
But in Taipei, it's purely for their sake. They make their movements conspicuous, and all are little actions of affection.
Very sweet wan can!!

T_T

Please leh, all I want for Christmas....

Learning.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

世上最遥远的距离，
不是生于死，
而是我站在你面前，
你却不知道我爱你。

This poem thingie I learnt from Taiwan is one that I will always remember.
Enjoyed Taiwan very much,
and I learnt a lot.

Gave me a moment to smile for real, and find the people who love me.
Thank you, Ms. Sim, especially.
You are the first teacher to know of my past.

Thanks to my buddy Sandy for being such a great host and friend.
Thanks for putting a smile on my face all the time.

Also thanks to the exchange team in ZhongShan, you people make me feel like I could be happy if I wanted to.

I will see the person I like, tomorrow. I will wait till then.

I miss all of you guys!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I am not a girlygirl, nor am I a tomboy. I don't even know where to start about myself. Not too intelligent, not too stupid. Not pretty, and not ugly.

Sigh.

In the end, I can only stand back and see it all happening to me. I can't do anything about it, because he won't.

He won't.

No matter how optimistic I am, he still won't.

Odd

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Biology lab people seem to need much help nowadays. And I always miss those chances coz they don't know when I'm free and honestly never thought asking a student to help was good. Coz you know, in my school, students are little princes and princesses.. or so that's what their parents say.

Anyway, sorry I didn't help you biology people. I will always be glad to be of any help. Bio FTW~

I started my day waking up slightly after 5.30am. Then reaching school at 7.15am, sleeping in the canteen till 10am. It is actually bad to sleep in the canteen. The tables are dirty. The benches are tucked to tightly inwards. When you crouch to sleep on your arms, your arms/hands get numb, and neck hurts. But I managed, anyway, though I woke up like, every 30 minutes or so.

10am was meeting with college counsellor. She really can talk a lot.
So talk a lot she did. While her other colleague sips some coffee and grabs some snacks. Having a student-free time.

I then had lunch, until 12pm. Went into the library after that until 4pm, when i had to go run an errand. Bought a happy meal, that made me a little happier.

Dance. FUN! Finished the Gee part of the whole thing. Gee is actually really fun to dance. Maybe coz it gives me a chance to act cute. It is a little difficult to be cute when one is tall and thin. But SNSD girls are all tall with long long legs, ta-dah! Redefine cuteness.

And I think I can remember Yiwei's dance, dance steps, now. Although... I can't do them fast enough yet.

Overall a really odd sort of day.

I miss him. Really very much. I wanna talk to him, but what is there to talk about?

What a week

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Tuesday was a brilliant day. I thought so too. Learned a new dance, though I still cannot remember the steps, and was picked to dance in the front row for WuNiang. And then we celebrated Renee's birthday before we went to auditorium to receive congratulations from the senior management through Mr Suresh. Gel went out to get lunch for Mel and I, and we ate it where we were.

The prom invites were printed and labelled, so we gave them out.

It could be better, I guess. But when things have never really been good, slightly above average is better than nothing.

11/11/09
I always thought something magical will happen to me on this date, simply because I love the number 11, and always believed it brought me good stuff.

I guess dancing Gee was pretty fun.

I guess having company was a change for a day.

I miss having him around me all day. Because he used to have to. And it seemed natural. And now I miss it. Because I don't see everyone everyday anymore.
Without the obligation, will he still remember me?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

As a kid, I have been raised to get used to be told 'no'. No, I can't do that. No, I can't have that. No, I can't use that. No, don't touch that.
And so, I grew up believing I didn't deserve a lot of stuff.

Just that I've woken up after 18 years, and realise that I do deserve stuff.

But it's a little too late, I might say, because I didn't get what I need for my future. And now I want stuff that I might never get because I can't.

Following Fringe logic, that there are many realities running parallel to the reality I am in right now... I wonder why can't I switch to another reality where I might be better off than I am right now. I mean, what determines where our consciousness lie?

I could be a genius in one reality.
I could be a teenage star in another.

But why is my consciousness in this reality?

Need to start writing letters.

Thanks for the email, Gel.