Boy, I seem to be so much better at forcing a mask on nowadays. Smiling... :) All the stupid time. I could be exploding inside, with heavy floodings wanting to burst through my eyes. But when my mum asks me a question, I can look at her with my normal expression, force on a smile, and say in my 'angelic' little voice, "Yes, mum?"


She never suspects anything. Well, there is only one person I'd turn to at times like this. And this person will remove my mask, and regardless of emotion, will take me into the warmth, treating me like... a little child who needs love and comfort.


Well, I confess, I used the F word today. I lost myself. I forgot about the promise I made with a special someone. I'm sorry, for using it. But please, for a few days or so, please let me vent a little, okay? I hope you won't hold it against me.


Today, I'm really upset. Yea, I know all of you couldn't tell. It's alright. Well, I'm a letdown to everyone. You know, I don't think I'm even supposed to exist on Earth. All I get is to be lied to by people, and to be treated like a lowclass animal. You know like when you trust someone so much, and then later finds out you've been lied to? And puh-lease, it's not once, not twice, not thrice, but many many many more. Even after u know it's lie, there are so many more leis that you're harboring.


Ever felt like crying in such situations? Yea, me too. But mum's around, I don't want her to worry. And i don't want her to have a bad impression on him. I tell her he's a realy nice person who cares for me. Even if deep down I am bleeding, suffering all by myself.