I didn't know what to type for the title so I left it as that.

Today was such a short day. Sorta a sad thing coz it's Friday and the weekends aren't good for meeting friends. Tomorrow, so many Year 6s are not going for the astro thing... SOBS. But I guess at least there's Eugenia.

I hope she doesn't bully me again. If not I'll threaten her with juice, like Theo says. BAD Eugenia. You owe Cass some pokemon lorh.

Astro astro astro. WAHH!!!! Where are my year 6s?!?! So bad de lor.... Where got coz cycling ends at 7pm then cannot go for astro the next day at 4pm.... EEEEEYER!
Theodore you mean!

Anyway, I removed a mussel for Bio lesson today. It was cool coz it was nicely removed. And you could see the floating gills. Or ctenidia.

Gamelan was quite alright today I guess. Then went to get dinner at KFC. Pepsi light =)

Wheeheehee... I'm Yours is playing now... Everytime it starts to play, I just jump a little. Haha.

I found a little cub the other day,
napping in the slight afternoon sunshine.
I bent down to pat him,
it looked at me with his soft eyes.
When I stood up to walk,
he followed after me,
dainty little paws making prints in the sand.
I took a soft string,
and tied a little bell to it.
I put it on the little baby,
and it purred as if smiling.
With his orange and black,
and big golden eyes....
Nose so pink,
and teeth so small.

Omg. I just typed something random. But i like the nose so pink part. Pink! Omg...

Last night, I got owned by an ANT. Can't believe it, just ONE ant. What happened was this. I was having a dream, and then I got to a part where I was playing my DS... Then suddenly, halfway playing, I felt myself itching all over. Then, I got scared so I woke up- And I found myself itching all over.

My legs were itching with raised patches all over. But I thought it might be allergy to something I've eaten so I tried going back to sleep. Sadly, I couldn't, it was just too itchy. Fed up, I threw my blankets off, and sat up on the bed.

Suddenly, I felt somethign crawling on my leg. So I angrily smacked it. Eww. I felt something being squashed underneath. Then I went to turn on the lights. And saw this ant. It was in a huge mess coz I smacked it really hard and it curled up and all. Put the corpse somewhere so I could show mum in the morning.

I went to get my itch cream and spammed it. Still itched. But it settled down a little awhile later. I still couldn't fall asleep coz I was afraid that there'd be more ants like that. Eventually I did fall asleep for a little while before I'm Yours started playing.

Sobs. My finger was swollen and I couldn't bend it. The itchy patches grew huge as well, and painful.

Damn you, ant.

Today was quite an okay day, I guess. It was really okay. Coz it didn't have any particular pissy thing, neither did it have any super good happenings.

And I also decided to just not care. I just walk with my own two feet, and other people will walk on their own two feet. I just hope there be no pits or traps or rocks. I'll be looking at my own feet and others who will let me help look out. Either then that, walk on your own because.... it's not like I didn't tell them there be these things on the floor.

Oh yea, anyway, I found my favourite towel today. I left it in the Math classroom yesterday. But I found it today phew. Hugged it!

I still wonder who that dotty person on the tagboard is. And I seriously dunno what he/she is referring to. I just assume he's/she's referring to himself/herself. At least until the dot tells us who he/she is.

tomorrow is Angela's birthday. I'm so happy =)
I'm looking forward to it, and I don't know why...
Maybe coz she'll be happy tomorrow.

And that be what I want.

I give up. Zedzedzed. You win. Wadeva. Do what you wanna do. ZedZedZed.
Teedottee. NOT.


La La La Lala~

Let's talk about school!
Okay, you know, the school's totally becoming a primary school. You do this, and I TELL YOUR MUMMY AND DADDY THEN YOU NOE ARH! This cannot, that cannot. JC liao okay!!! Don't keep treating us like little kiddies. At least trust your senior year students right...

Waliau eh, that is the problem of being in a Sec school plus JC combine. Coz the little kiddies don behave, then the seniors must coz of them tied to the ground.

Anyways we also have people who wear teeshirts and shorts, leaning on some surface and scold us, then demand our respect. And also, people who solve problems by just removing the cause. That's not solving the problem, that's throwing it away! I thought the school was suppose to cultivate intelligent and creative minds.

Teachers now have some new weapon. You know wad? YELLOW PAPERS! It's sort of retarded anyway, it's like drilling fear of yellow papers into us. Like some cher says, "You do that, and I give you yellow paper." Student shivers and apologises frantically.

Imagine some outside people come to the school. "Okay, for this overseas trip, I need a signature on your yellow paper." The lecturer says. [Sudden shivering, some sobbing, and a scream] "What? The yellow paper...." (Students scream and run out) "... is the paper for parental consent..."
Teacher comes in, says, "I'm going to give them yellow papers for being so rude. Don't worry."
Visitor: Uhh yea, they already have the yellow paper.
Teacher: Our yellow paper is THE yellow paper.
Visitor: What THE yellow paper?
Teacher: Alright, that's it. YOU get a yellow paper too, and get your mommy to sign it.


-__-

And then, let's not talk about school anymore now.
Talk about my baobei DS.

I got new games today! Pokemon ranger and Big Bang mini. Big Bang mini is nice for casual gaming, like those arcade games. Very interesting game, so i like it alot. And Pokemon ranger is cool too, coz it's different from the normal pokemon games. Gameplay is a little retarded though.

I tried Etrian Odyssey too. It proved to be quite interesting, but quite hard at the same time. Training is super difficult.

And now that my DS has some spotlight today, PSP now.

Theo's addicted to the chibi Bleach game. I think it's quite cute too, but I don't think I be able to play it properly. Coz I probably will suck at it. And I'm totally used to the touch screen thing now.

Done with PSP. Let's talk about my fingers.

Everytime I type, I always have some common errors. My 'something' is always typed as 'soemthing'. And my 'play' always end up as 'paly'. OMG. Zoinks. I think my fingers are weird now.

Anyway, nothing to rattle on about.

Like my new blogskin?

You're in danger and you still don't know it. You foolish girl, hugging the creature who has savaged your friend.

What does it take to let you understand how dangerous that was? You don't have to do this. And obviously only you can save yourself. If you want to know how to, perhaps you could come look for me. There is still time to turn back, before you regret it.

So would you turn your back on your friend, or would you not?

Talk to me when you see me on MSN. Either way, I'll still talk to you.

Perhaps for now.
If you're lucky, then next time too.

Last night I woke up at 1.30am, thinking it was near 5.30am. So I waited for awhile, hoping to hear I'm Yours. But it didn't ring for a long time so I decided to check the time: 1.36am.
At first I thought the phone was spoilt. Like, how could it be 1.36am? That early? And I woke up on my own accord?! But then it turned out to be the real time. I slept and woke a few times, scared that I'd wake up late.

Someone needs to teach him a lesson of two. Sheesh.
You?

Had PE today, and did running and pushups and pull ups. My running time improved by 1 minute 15 seconds, to 16 minutes! Congrats, Cass~ ^-^
But it's still quite bad for a 17 year old.

I wished things could just disappear sometimes.

Like, man, I sorta hate running, but I don't really have much choice.

As people like to say, save yourself before saving anyone else....
But,
I'm sorta saved,
you're not!

>:P

And I found this on Michelle's blog so here goes.

Hi, my name is: Cassandra

But you can call me: Cassie /Kia

Never in my life have I: been a pretty gal

The one person who can drive me nuts is: Jun Yup

My high school is: NUS High [previously CGSS]

The last song I listened to was: I Don't Dance - High School Musical

If I were to get married right now it would be to: [For now] Tigerboy

My hair is: dark brown

When I was 4: I was fat

Last Christmas: was the most boring christmas ever

I should be: less sad nowadays

The happiest recent moment was: spending time with Tigerboy

If I were a character on ‘Friends’: I would be an angmoh

I have a hard time understanding: guys nowadays.

There are these girls: who are stupid enough to be close to a monster

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Mum

I want to buy: more plushies from Action City

Where do you plan to go during Chinese New Year: Nowhere

If you spent the night at my house: I'll be very happy

The world could do better without: global warming

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: Nintendo DS Lite

Most recent thing someone else bought me: vday chocolates and gel's special gift

My middle name is: Kiara

In the morning: I listen to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours"

Last night : I cried before sleeping

There’s this guy I know: who is hungry all the time

If I were an animal I’d be: a bunny. Bunny bunny who everyone loves.

A better name for me would be: ?

I am: rather displeased with recent going-ons

Tonight I am: going to listen to more music


Tags: everyone who sees this

I wonder why two people keep thinking about the same thing.

Just last night, I was thinking, how good it'd be if I could dump everything now, and migrate to another country where I can start a new life, though not totally. Also, in search of that missing thing.

Oh wells.

I hate being used. I hate being unappreciated. I hate it when people just come to me just for what they need. Gradually, people don't see me as a person anymore, just something that could use, something like a convenient store.

I start to dislike people because they make my life such a chore. I dislike them because all they see of me is just something they could use and not care about.

The first ever person I can really hate (but I just settled on neutral, and could at times see as a friend) is one who has seen me as a tool, as something they could sacrifice. Because I've put in effort, so much effort, just to be hurt and ignored again and again. They couldn't even be bothered to listen when I needed it. What they have taken from me is so much more than what they have taken out of anyone else, but yet, the amount of care and respect and attention I receive... Is so much less than what an aquaintance to them gets.

I've made a promise to myself, that I'd try not to see people around me as tools. I would not do whatever the above person does. I'll listen to anyone that genuinely needs a listening ear. I don't think it's very difficult to appreciate people for all the little things they do. Everybody needs that kind of appreciation. To feel wanted, to feel like they mattered. I just won't let the friends around me be hurt like that.

So it's just so annoying how such people even existed. And when they get hurt just for a lil bit, they make it sound like they've received the worst sort of treatment ever. When they've been doing the exact same thing to someone else for over a year. And just fails to see how people has got to tolerate them, not even giving a crap how others feel.

And I've just left the so-called mansion. That was coz i didn't want to live with people that thrive on their 'popularity'. I hate this person. And that was why I left. I hate my room, and that is why I left. I'll rather live in a hut.

I begin to notice lots of stuff happening around me nowadays. And sometimes, things just hit something in me and I feel this urge to just give people a piece of my mind. People yelling at others for odd little reasons.... I dun understand why, just because of 1 second of discomfort, you yell at someone like they spilt vomit all over your wedding gown. It's just so walaueh.

Sometimes, people in our school need to learn how to be nicer people. Especially those who've entered from Year 1. They're so blind to other people out there coz they think they're the best since they're in the so-called top school (or one of those). They totally lack this something inside them... Soemthing that makes up the chivalry in a guy, and the grace of a lady.

Of course, I can't say I'm perfect either. But still, I, at least, know how to appreciate things around me. I, at least, am not like my ex (who has hurt me so much I'm shattered). At least, I know what to not do, at a wrong time, at a wrong place.

And yes, I vaguely remember a quote from a senior.... I just sit by, and see him doing it to other people, again and again. I just hope he is done hurting other people, for the rest of his life, though I really doubt it.

I think I may have a slight hint of what I can do. It may be a good thing but sometimes it isn't, especially after whatever I've gone through.

I am more aware of things, I guess, to some extent. And it's like I can analyze things, even if they're really small. This may also lead me to raise suspiscions very easily, and making me unsure of a lot of things. Afraid to do things. Afraid to take risks.

Cassandra.... She was a prophet, whose predictions are always very true. Yet nobody believes her, and everybody ignores her.

I, perhaps, then, have been fated with the same fate of the original Cassandra.
Except the part where her predictions are always true. Mine aren't always true, but the points I've brought up are mostly valid and crucial. Yet people just tend to throw them away.

Is it a good thing to be constantly aware of yourself? To always be sure of what you're going to do, going to say, have done, or have said? To always be aware of my behavior no matter what the situation is?

But now, it isn't really a good feeling.

Anyway, it is amazing how what one person does causes a whole chain of events that has led to the opening of my floodgates. Those memories that I have slowly, painstakingly kept behind huge doors and barrier.... Just because of what one person did in less than a second, these barriers just collapse and all my past memories just came flooding back...

In these past 3 days, I've been feeling more alone than ever for this year. for the past three days, I've cried. Because everything just reminds me of the past. The cruel time where I was scarred emotionally. The cruel times that I have painfully lived through.

Everything. Everything just reminds me of the past. And I can't stop crying everytime I think of it. Every single time.

I want to just stay at home and look at nothing. To stay in my room so that nothing happens to remind me significantly of the things in the past.

But I had to go to school to be reminded of the past.

And there is no one. No one to even care about how I'd feel. No one to stand up for me. No one who genuinely wanted to bother about me.

I just want to sleep. For awhile I can cast away all these memories. And fly in a place where nobody hurts me. Where everybody smiles at me when I fly past them. Each of them giving me a hug like I actually mattered.

Please, for these few days, please don't do anything hurtful to me...
Please.
I am very very weak now, so please, if you don't want to care about me at least just don't hurt me anymore.
Everything reminds me of the past, and I cry everytime I think about it.

Please, don't hurt me.

Long ago, there was a country called Cowsher Land. On Cowsher Land, there were many tribes, and the two most power tribes are the Fire tribe, and the Earth tribe. Each tribe on Cowsher Land had a God of protection, and within each tribe was a Tribe chief.

The Fire tribe had the most power. Each tribe member was almost perfect, intelligent, strong, powerful. The only thing was that there were less people in the tribe, as they exile members who fail to demonstrate any form of power. That was why they had the most power.

The Earth tribe, on the other hand, had many members. It was a tribe of peace and harmony, and everybody was happy. Each tribe member was taught the skills known in the tribe, and everybody was as powerful as anybody in the tribe.

Being the two most powerful tribe, the Fire and Earth tribe does various things. Helping other tribes, hosting hunting trips to hunt down larger animals, all sorts of stuff.

The Fire chief was a snobbish person. Yes, he was powerful enough, but he frequently looked down on the Earth tribe. This was why many tribes dislike the Fire chief. The Gods, however, favored him as he was physically strong.

One day, a new God chanced upon Cowsher Land. He went for the God of the Fire tribe, and overthrew him. Soon after his reign, he ordered the Earth God away. The Earth tribe was unprotected by the Gods.

Using this sudden weakness, he sent disasters to ruin the Earth tribe. And soon after, the tribe was totally destroyed. Lands were barren, plants were dead. People were sick and dehydrated.

With a hint of sarcasm in his voice, the Fire chief came over with his God behind him, and exclaimed, "Dear me! Aren't you people troubled now? We've plenty of food over there, ever since your hunting weapons were destroyed and were unable to hunt. Come over now, 'dear' friends, the Fire tribe welcomes you."

The fire God chuckled happily, picking his nose, saying, "Yeah, we'll take care of you. Oh dear dear, we're going to have a good time together!"

Having no other choice, the Earth tribe accepted their invitation and made their way to the Fire tribe. The Earth prophets, however, made their way away from the Fire tribe, into the smaller tribes scattered all over Cowsher Land.

Back at the Fire tribe, as promised, the ex-Earthians were given a place to stay in, and food and water to eat and drink. However, although they were given means to survive, and still remain in the (now) most powerful tribe, they were not happy. The chief constantly mocked them.

They were made to work in the fields, growing crops for the tribe to eat. Cleaning streets. Working as servants and slaves.

A very select few did make it into the main society, after demonstrating their special talents. The many others however, fell to the bottom of the society.

The Fire God refused to help them. Now, he just lies in his throne room day in, day out. Watching the little people around him suffering, while lavishly awarding the fire tribesmen.

Corruption, was all that followed.


A sad ending.

I feel so weird now. It's a type of a feeling where something you love very much gets tainted, or ruined, or something to that extent.

It is true that my DS is overused. Like, other people play it even more than I ever had. Not in total, but individually? I feel like it isn't mine, or like it doesn't belong to me, not really. Like how memory foams let you leave a mark on it? My DS has a mark on it now, but not mine. The prints of the hands of its other users.

Crudely speaking, my DS is freaking like a prostitute or something.

Okay, maybe not to that extent, but I'm quite angry with regards to that.
Maybe I shouldn't bring it to school anymore.

Then people won't use it more than I do.

Now, even my pokemon game is being raided!!!!
And I never ever shared my pokemon game with anyone. Everything in that game is achieve by me, without help. Something I can be proud of. I can remember when I catch any pokemon. And now like, so many of my pokemon are trained by other people.

What the hell. I'm damn angry with it. I can't even say NO to people harassing my pokemon game. First my DS, now my pokemon game. Stop robbing these kind of sentimental stuff away from me.

I'm really angry about that. And yet I can't show it.

I just want my DS back. And a game to call my own. Something that is 100% the effort of Cassie's. Now, no more. Everything is touched, tainted, not mine.

I just want it back. Right now.

I went to Underwater World @ Sentosa on Wednesday with the bio honours people.

Man, I really love that place. But I didn't take any pictures because I was busy doing the worksheet and then after that, looking at exhibits and playing at the touch pools.

The travellator brought back much memories. Still remember the time I was walking ABOVE it, backstage. That was when I was in Cedar and that's the best part of my Sec 1 and 2 life. Still remember myself standing at the narrow path above it, holding dead fishes without heads, feeding the sharks. They swim fast! How i wished I could do such stuff again.

They have more exhibits now, and they now have the sea angels exhibit. I first saw that in Japan, Nanao Aquarium, and I thought it was cool. Hahas.

Went to the touch pool, played with the starfishes mostly. They were soft, and when u place them in ur palm, with a few of its arms hanging off the edge, the arms would gradually sag. Haha. Theo reached out for one which was quite far away, and it was really soft. I guess that's coz it wasn't handled much.

Then I went to play with the rays. They were friendly and wanted people to pet it haha.

But that about it, there were a lot of people there. So we left after we're done looking at everything.

Went to eat before going home. So ends my adventure. But I had so much fun, though it sounds really plain.

This is for my BaoBei DS.
After all, I paid for the DS myself, and it is mine however you look at it.

Please, everybody, note that PSP is spoilt, and I only play DS now.
In total, I have played less hours on my DS than other people have.

Yes, I may lend it to other people, but I don't think it is very nice if you play so much until I can only play one hour or so after u finish and the battery dies.
Although I may let other people play, I obviously will not feel good if you do certain stuff that puts me in a bad situation.

And here I am now, listing down things that you should take note when you are playing on my DS.

Firstly, some introductions.
My DS is TURQUOISE BLUE. It comes with its bunny, Apple jr. the pink bunny. It has a drawer, where the stylus is.

And then, the important stuff.

1. Never fail to acknowledge that Cass has lent you her DS. I hate it when you borrow it from me and then run away, and use it to have fun with your own friends. You borrow it from me, you sit near me, play near me, and acknowledge my presence. I will HATE you if you use my DS and ignore me afterward.
2. Never lose the stylus, or the bunny. Never lose ANY of my stuff of I will never lend you stuff ever again.
3. Take care of the bunny. The bunny is made of absorbent material, please do not leave it anywhere dirty, dusty, or wet. In any case, I will never tolerate placing the DS on a filthy surface.
4. Be GENTLE with it, NEVER EVER TOK the screen. It's a touch screen, not a poke screen, not a pierce screen, not a tok screen. Respect the machine, please. I dun care if the game is so damn kancheong or what: YOU TOK, I TOK YOU BACK -> YOU DIE.
5. Don't use so long until the battery die. I bought the DS, not you. I also need to use it on my way home, and even at home. You want to play long long, go buy one urself.

You want to use my DS, you better make sure you can adhere to every single thing I've written above. If not, dun ask me to lend you.

Today was a slightly better day. For once, in a long time, I did not have a pained expression on my face at any time of the day. Yay to Cass.

And I smiled too~

The only blemish of the day was student lounge duty.
1.5 hours of nothingness. At least Eugenia, Daniel, Angela and Melanie came to join me.

I also talked to Mr Cheong, so I'm gonna stay for now because not really decided.

Ey, I want to go back to Tioman to play someday.
Anybody in on this as well? I guess if we form a large enough group it'd be very fun. And it'll be easier to plan as well.
Cass is serious about this.

Anyway, CAT didn't get in for SSEF. Well, it's sort of sad, but sort of a relief at the same time. This gives us time to do our 2nd part for project too.

Hugs. Thank you so much...

^-^ i actually still remember that time you saved me. and you never left me behind.

I spent so long trying to play the one stage properly. And till now, I've not cleared it. For all those who've molested my DS before, it's the 5 patients stage.

The first problem with it, is that I can't bandage the stupid people properly. Even though i pull the bandage until so accurate, they say I miss miss miss. In the end, on one patient, i wasted half of my miss allowance on what? Bandaging.

The second problem is not really a problem. But still it pissed me off. When I was about to complete the stage, the stupid guy had to run out of life. WTH?! I've already killed all those baddies, and he ran out of life on me when i was stitching him up?! Walau.....

Well, so anyway I've stopped playing it. So irritating.

And oh ya, I shall put it here right now that I do not like Dingobell. I would have screamed in his face if I were to see him now.

Today's Dad's birthday. Hmm.

I'm happy that there's school tomorrow. But I have a very important appointment tomorrow. Sigh.

And I totally hate the thingy I'm stuck with now. I can't even go out with my buddies, coz of the duty. Screw it! And they increased my punishment by 30 minutes. WTH. I'm not ur slave. Go away. This is no way to treat you senior, you understand me?!

I need to come up with a plan soon. If not it'll be a continuous war between someone and I for someone else. Wth. Damn it. I need that person.

My Vday was mostly spent at home doing homework.
Today's Apple's birthday.... The cute lil thing is 1 year old now.

Which reminds me, I have forgotten about Tochi, Cody, and Peachie.

So it was a really boring day.

Overall, my vday at school was still alright. At least for now.

I hope I didn't do anything wrong. Friday 13th anyway.
But fingers crossed here.

I think, the bestest gift ever would be friendship and love.
Ya, so cliche right...
But still I think it's the best thing anyone could get.

Nowadays I don't really care about the stupid things happening around me and instead focusing on one thing (besides acad), that is most important.

Things around school are screwy. So I shouldn't care about it. Wash my hands off it. I don't want to spend my time on such things. And what's worse, they don't make anyone any much happier.

One day, I will...

Okay, I know today's not Valentine's Day, and is Friday the 13th... But we still celebrate it in school today coz it is the last weekday of the week.

Got a few pressies today. So I'm really happy. And very happy at one particular present, that is from Angela!!! Omg she actually made like this huuuuuge board of photos and stuff for me!!! I'm so gonna put it up on my wall when I get home!

Lots of chocolate as usual. But I think I'm gonna eat Gel's one first because she handmade it! And I saw that there was a jelly thingy inside.

Amazing thing though, this year they have fresh roses too. Theo received one nameless rose. Lucky him. D= It was so hilarious this morning!

[Cheryl walks into class with 2 stalks of roses]
*Theo sees Cheryl*
Theo: EEEEEEEEH! Got flower!! I want I want!!!

[Cheryl smiles and passes YH one rose]

YH: Oooh thanks, from YiWei right?
Cheryl: Haha, guess so~

[Cheryl passes one rose to Theo]
Theo: Huh, I was joking la....
Chery: Lol, that one's yours.

[Theo looks at the paper on the rose, addressed to: Theodore Lee M09603]
Theo: OMG.... For me?

Haha! It was so funny!

Angela gave me 4 handmade chocolates and a photo collage thing...
Mong gave me 3 ferrero rochers...
YunHui gave me 1 baby toblerone...
ShuHui gave me 1 baby toblerone...
Yap korkor gave us 10 nougats (10/3 for each of us)...

Oh wells, not as much as it seems but hmm. I dun eat much chocolate so I guess the amount is fine for me.

In some ways today was a happy day and in some ways it's a not so happy day today.
Not as much interaction as I wished for, but obviously I required more tolerance today.
Just gonna go home a happy but sad person today.
And i shall hug my board all the way home.

Be loved!

Not singing in the choral sense, but just singing for the fun of it. When I'm really down and all, the singing just makes me lift that weight off my chest for just a little while. Brief relief.

Especially when I sing it really loudly. It's better than just yelling AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH to relief stress.

Spamming Lenka's The Show now. Coz it has a simple melody, and better still, I can play it on the piano. So I sorta need to familiarise myself with the whole song so that I can play it by ear.

Was talking to Aaron last night. He actually made a lot of sense. Sigh.

Yesterday...

I dunno why I had such strong feelings at that time. A certain situation just hit me really hard and a part of me hurt.
I thought I'd have totally not have to survive through any more ordeal of that sort... But it just had to happen again. Yesterday, today, now.

This thing about being used. Being used. I hate.

Taking something from me then getting rid of me.

And then, why then, are you unable to show me the same amount of 'concern' you have for others?

Right. So to everyone here on Earth, I'm nothing more than just being insignificant.

Because it doesn't matter that I feel alone?

Don't really have a title for this post, simply coz I dun really know what I'm going to write here. Hmm.

Right now I'm sorta pissed at a certain someone. Or maybe like, two certain someones.

The first is a damn annoying potato of a person. He just doesn't seem to be able to behave normally, and certainly unable to take the effort to think before he speaks or acts. When people are upset, he just keeps going on and on about the thing that made someone else upset. Not only that he constantly annoys me directly as well. This kind of guy ought to be kicked in the balls and punched in the face.

The second is a celery of a person. I dun even know why would anyone be devoted to him after what he has done to them. Perhaps I do understand the poor party, but it's just so ouchies to see them getting hurt like that. There the person is crying in the dark, hurt because of him, and all he does is to go play dota with his friends.

Why do people like these even exist? Is it that hard to just think before speaking or acting? Or is it too difficult to just care for your friends a lil bit more?

When people are hurt, do you even bother to lend them a shoulder to cry on? Or do you just stand by the side and laugh with your other 'happy' friends?

Yes, so it's only one person, but they're still your friend. It's not like they've done anything to harm you. And I believe the person I am thinking of right now has never intended any harm if it ever occurred.

Oh. And when people are needing something, you don't just kope the last one just because you want it for fun.

Zzz.

Anyway, I still think the DS is better than the PSP. This is why ever since I got my baobei DS, the maximum amount of time I can spend playing it on weekdays is about 1.5 hours. Reason is coz my friends always play it in school until the batt's sorta low and when I get home and play a little while the battery drops to the red.

Whereas for PSP, seldom play le la.

Intended to share with only one person so my batt wun die that fast, but oh wells I'm not that selfish.

But it's just so weird when that's all they know what to ask from me.

Oh wells oh wells.

I'm falling sick so easily. But then, it's all of wrong timing. Sigh.

Nowadays there's this distance. Which explains the drawing that I did, with words 'Because we're so close, yet so far...' It's kind of a sad thing, because V'day is coming very soon.

And then Vday's on Saturday. For all happy smiling loving couples out there, it's good for them. But for people like me, or like people who have no bf... It sort of sucks coz there isn't any friends around to celebrate with. And people like me who do like someone, well, weekends always suck, isn't it? Or is it only me?

Now I just feel like just going up to the person and say it right into his face, that I don't care about responses or replies, I don't expect anything, and I just wanted him to know that I like him.

screw it, I dun even expect anyone to love me.
I just wanted that person to know.

Wanting to reciprocate it is another matter and seriously, I don't care.

The only thing I'm worried for is the past friendship between we both.
Do I risk it?

So yes, I'm waiting for the day when you will just come tell me that you don't like me. Either that, or you like me too. Honestly, I don't know right now.

And seriously, you must be the slowest person (relatively) now not to already realise it since people around you already know.

So well, today I'm still sick. Still gotta do 2.4km run with horrible results.

Got toasted under the sun.

And I'm able to play 'The Show' on the piano now, though I just need to be more familiar with the song then can play by ear. See, Theodore Lee? Told you I could do it.

Stupid. Me. I'm so frustrated with myself.
Frustrated with the complexity of things around me.
Frustrated that I can't speak my mind.

Okay!?
I just wanna tell you that I like you. Yes, I really do.
When will you ever realise?
When will you stop doing this to me?

Well, I'm recently back on facebook... And revisiting profiles that I haven't viewed for a really long time. It's quite cool to see how ppl can change over time.

I don't really think I've changed much. Especially in terms of appearance. But I think I've grown a lil bit more strong, physically and mentally.

I'm happier in NUS High. So much happier.

And I know some people really miss their old schools. Take Theodore Lee for example. At least, well, he had a good school life. My good school life only started when I was 15. My previous schools were all horrible, and I think that's because I didn't really have friends that give a damn about me. Either that, or I got shocked into an entirely screwed up person after primary school.

It's like, in my previous school... nobody even bothers to wait for me. Although I wait for people all the time. I wanted to be a paikia, or at least just that little bit. But I never succeeded in that. That's probably coz I wanted to get into the prefectorial or PSL board.

FAILED. I am so glad I could go to a new school then. I haven't forgotten any happy memories there though.

I'm actually scared of being left alone, scared of people not caring about me. When these sort of things happen, I feel like I'm slowly dissolving into the atmosphere... And before I know it then I'll be gone for good and nobody remembers me.

But then again, who really cares that much about me... I pray and pray everyday that I'd have someone who will always stay by me, to protect me, to care for me, to shower me with love.

When I get sick, I basically am left to rot off by myself.

I wanna go to school. Even if I'm sick I still wanna go.
Then maybe one day I'd faint right infront of everyone and see what they do.
They'll probably leave me there to rot off?

Sigh.

I first met this person 3 years ago. At that time we weren't really good friends. And special thing is, when The Ring got scolded, this person wasn't even blamed. But of course, why should we be blamed in the first place?

I've then been in and out of his life. And a year or so ago, I've decided to stay for good.

Thank you so very much for always appreciating the music I play on the piano. You're the first ever person that I can play infront of without any stress.

Everytime I see you, I just wanna smile and make myself happy and well. But that's only all I can do to delude myself.

The thing is, I don't think you'd care that much? Although I've tried. And no, you're still one of those who will leave me to rot.

iinchou, why do you do this to me?

I now imagine myself to be standing in the middle of a large field, with you walking away from me. And then I yell, "Why do you not care about me? Why? Why you?"
Broke down.

come to think of it, it has been a very long time since I cried. Yet now it just falls so easily.

Hurt in an unimaginable way, hurt in a new way.
I thought I'd never again cry after what had happened.

But what happened in the past is in the past. I am moving on. And I did, during my Japan times.

It's been at least 4 months.

I never wanted to admit that I liked you. Because I thought it was wrong of me to be thinking this way, because i already have a responsibility at that time.

But no, I wasn't going to be hurt by him again. And you gave me the courage to. You did.
And so, thank you.

And now, here I am, smiling because you are. Happy because you're there. Delighted to see you everyday.

And I really do like you.

Why then, do you do this to me?
Why?

I woke up overheated today. And apparently I had a headache last night because there was a pressure on the left side of my head. And my body hurts, like it's more sensitive to touch... And when u press it against anything it just feels like somebody pass electric current through it.

Horrible.

Better get used to nobody caring. =X though i dun really like it.

I mean, like everybody would like to mean something.

But today was a terrible day. Started bad, and has been bad for the past 3 to 4 hours. And nobody could do anything about it lor.

So I did more drawing on my new book. I wanna fill the book with more n more pictures. Made me feel just that small tweeny bit better.

Yea... How I wished stuff were as simple as just saying something out loud.

Instead I gotta keep it to myself n all.... Or not really myself. Just, not the intended receipient.

T_T

Wished things were simpler.

Been wanting to say this for quite some time... But I wanna thank the awesome buddies at Astro Club...

That includes Theodore, Jack, Kenneth, Eugenia, MaeHwee, Joshua, and Chee Guan
Also if you have helped me in anyway, thanks too!

These awesome people never fail to help me in any way possible!
Wheeheehee!

Okay. Today was a general general day.

The thing that pissed me off a lil was the student lounge. Duty time was from 2 to 3pm, thus cutting me off from the rest of the pack. So I very emo. I very angry.

And so thanks to Daniel Lim, because he made me less emo during that time.
Never mind if he shifted the subject of my sketch!
At least!

Bleh.

I've been constantly feeling down about stuff regarding the-thing-on-the-sole-of-my-shoe. Lol, I think only Daniel gets this coz I kept emphasizing it to him. It's freaking like bubblegum sticking me to where I am. So I am thinking of removing it.

shoot it. If I really remove it, think of all the free time I have now!!!

I'm still at a loss as to what's gonna happen 4 days from today. Gel's been really creative, and it would have worked well, if it wasn't gonna happen because of the day's event. SHOOOOOT it.

This has gotta be the most stressful thingo everrrr. For this year, at least.
Or for now.

Had a pretty fun day with Gel and everybody today.

I like how I was sorta backed up today.

and I like how there's always someone beside me. It is a really great thing, and I would love nothing but to repay this act of warmth.

Yea, I was LUCKY today.

Jason Mraz rocks.

Heh. *sigh*
Guess not.

最终。。。我想，你还是没想着我。
是的，

为什么会想我呢。。。？

妄想。

但悄悄的，自己还是希望你会想着我。

你那温馨的笑容，
一直浮现在我脑海中。
不断的带给我温暖，
给我一个为明天而生活的理由。

就是你。
你一定要记着我。

小老虎又变得更弱了。。。

Wondering if you ever think of me.

Hmm...

Coz I think about you all the time.
Wait.
Or rather, the times when you're not around.

Sigh, don't you go injuring yourself.
Take care of yourself...

Leaving you behind is like....
Horrible.
Not something I like to do.

Don't you fall sick.

One day....
Maybe you'll think of me too.

I knew you won't tell anyone your true feelings. That I understand. Sigh.
But then I wished you did so somehow I will know.
Dun keep me blinded.

Wanna just see you.

And you.

That's all.

Yes, you.

Kiakia will always turn to look at you.

Random title there with no meaning at all.

Decided to blog today because haven't really been blogging. Today's the first day my DS was brought to meet the world. It got molested a few times but I hope it doesn't mind, lol. But I'm very happy with it because it makes me smile.

And it also helped make others around me smile as well.

Ah, of course, looking for the ONE priceless smile on a face.

Priceless. There are some things that Mastercard can't buy.
Indeed, indeed.

Because you being there makes the difference. But then again, not so much. You're always there, and that is a very good thing.

And that is because.... it's something I can believe in. And I can trust.


HEY!
SUZUMEBACHI~!