Today was so full of chem. Chem here, chem there.... Bahh...
But seriously, Mrs Soong is a really good teacher. And the way she gets pissed with the tablet PC is just so cute!

Tomorrow's labor day. So it's holiday.

But everytime holiday, my parents make me wake up damn early, like 7 am or something like that... Wth la.. At sch I also wake up that time lorh.... Sads.

Generally quite sad today. The feeling of.... how to say this... negligence.

Finally finished watching Mai Otome, it's a good anime. And i can remember a handful of quotes from the anime that has real meaning, and they actually encourage me alot too...

Otome... Feels like myself. Hmm. Though it shouldn't be.

Really lorh! Day of failures.

Tmd man! I am damn angry!

Everything my fault lorh! @#$%@$%~#$#@%$5

People also care for you ma! Walau... Dun let people help you, so stubborn, then people go another way help you, you also bu shuang, what's this man....

You say nobody care, so now people care for you, you don't want.... Aiyah! dun know what you want la. People talk to you, care about you lorh!

Then you want to make us worry by thinking about emo acts. And then being so super mean to log off on us without assuring us. And you were still emo-ing lorh.

I was so worried, i had to think of alternatives right!? Since you dun want sms me, dun want msn me (you logged off on me. And ur friends), dun want pick up my calls... So of course when emergency, you need to think fast and act accordingly!

Plus, now not a good time for you to emo lorh. Aiyah! Anytime also not a good time la! Since when you emo, the lvl infinity emo acts will float around in your mind. Now is EXAMS period leh! You emo what emo... Settle exams first la, the rest dun need worry. Zzz...

So sien, you know. Trying to help, kena scolding only?

And then ah, I listen and do everything he says... now he dun even listen to me, like wth man! Unfair right. I can't even threaten him lorh, i give him so much until i can't take back anything. Know why? Coz when I threaten to take back, he GOOD. He threaten to leave me. So umm, GENEROUS right? Hmph...

Please la, anybody.... If anybody know how to solve this problem, pls pls pls pls email me and tell me lehh... It's so unfair lorh, i give >>> he give. And leaving is not the solution k, those who thought of that, go slap urself like 5 times or something. I love him, but dun u think, it's sorta quite much lopsided here?

It's freaking hot!! I'm perspiring with every little activity I do, and even when I'm sitting down, I perspire. The thermometer in my room reads a 31.1 deg C... Just now it was 30.1, then 30.8, now 31.1!!! Oh dear.....Freaking WARM!!! Plus, my skin's getting very very dry. Sighs.

Anyway, had a tough night last night. Emotionally, mmhmm mmhmm.... And physically. Woke up halfway through the night and started coughing. Couldn't stop, you know... It's horrriiiible!!! I almost vomitted due to the mad number of coughs. Dang.

I still can't beat the Ratchet and Clank boss. Waste time...



Got this quiz off Jie's blog. I dun even know if it's true, oh wells.

Pretty down now, conflict...in my mind.... Sigh..........

I dun make ppl happy.... huh?

Why does it have to be like, when something really good happens in the day, my nights would be damn shitty?

ToDAY. Was generally good. Chem AP prep in the morning, which is just making us do the questions.... So it wasn't that taxing since it was more or less slackish... Then went down to the canteen and I saw Jun Yup, so that was really the happiest moment of the day. Sat with him, talked to him, helped him with his chinese oral examination... When he's around, it's like... Nothing matters much anymore... I feel really happy just by seeing him.

Sadly, he had to go home early.

Slacked till 4.15 to get my results. I failed Bio exam. My English wasn't that screwed up.

When I got home, mum kept nagging. She keeps yakking and yakking about why I should just shower at the hostel before coming home, and that I should just wear my slippers home, and she complains about the time I reach home when dad fetches me home... I mean, MUM! It doesn't matter where I shower, okay? I don't give a damn. And what's the big deal with footwear?! I want to wear shoes, cannot meh? Why must wear slippers... I wear slippers come home, my hostel there no slippers already horh! Walau... And Dad agrees to fetching me home, so why should I take public transport? Anyway, the car's going to sold away next Thursday. I don't care what time, as long as I reach home not later than Dad.

What's worse, with the constant nagging from mum, i just went to take my clothes and went to the bathroom without switching the lights in the room off. Before I could even close the door, Dad started. It's like a relay, you know. Mum stops, Dad starts. He went on and on about the lights that were left on, complaining that he has reminded me many many times.... So I replied, "Okay, sorry..." And he still repeated his naggings all over again even though I closed the door of the toilet... I was so pissed I shouted at him, "OKAY!!!! SORRY LAA!!!!!"

Sigh....

See. It's not like it's so easy for me to be happy... I dun need people to dampen my mood when I get my rare opportunity to be happy... Some really really small things make me really happy... Even though the cause may be like bullshit to others...

I dunno... Give a chance for people to be happy... A small achievement to you, may be a huge achivement for them, so just let them have their moment of glory... Things that are irrelevant, just be happy as well... It is really nice to see people around you happy... Listening to them and being happy with them, is just a very very negligible price to pay for someone to be happy.

Have you made someone happy today?

I forgot to blog about speech day!!! So i blog now, and I have no pics so.. sad.

Anyway, woke up quite late, just in time for Gamelan, which begins at 9am. Had to shift the instruments upstairs to the concourse, and what's worse, our performance location was at one end of the school, while our gamelan room was at the other end. The estate people brought up everything except the drums, mallets, and the poles for the kempuls and gongs.

It was a whole day of gamelan.... And it's bloody hot coz of the weather, AND we had to wear jeans with our Gamelan T-shirts. I changed to skorts first, coz it's freaking hot. Lunch was a long time later, and Mr Iswandi had an ice-cream and two cans of coffee for lunch -_- How nutritious!

Well, overall the performance was good... though at some parts we had to rush rush rush. Lol. At the end of the day, we had to shift the instruments back into the room again. A few of us stayed back to arrange them.

The funniest thingo was the bonangs. We didn't realise that the frames had different hole sizes for each set of bonangs, so when we arranged them in the room, we switched the frames around, and in the end, we had to shift them back correctly again >_<

The kempuls caused some confusion too... Up or down? Lol. We mixed up.

Speaking of Gamelan, the nice drum Mr Iswandi ordered arrived today. The guy, supposedly Mr I's boss [and supplier of the gamelan set], came to deliver the drum and to collect back the other temporary drum. The temporary drum was the one used to initiate the opening tune of speech day, lol. The new drum's cool, nice carvings, intricate design. Good!

Alright, that's about it for now.... And thanks Irsyad for being a great Saron teacher! Whee!

It's damn unfair lorh! See la, we kena scolding again. Wah piang eh....
And sorry Sophie, I dragged you into it...... T_T


I feel so freaking bad la, for dragging her into this trouble.... It's like she helped me then in the end she also because of me kena scolding leh! Sorry......

Never mind, I guess the most I can do is to help her back next time. Haven't talked to Sophie face to face for so long. And I wanted to talk to her today but really dun have the time.

It's damn annoying la. I mean, I'm just asking a question right.....

My cough is like getting worse. The funny thing is that there is phlegm but not much, you know... And i can't stop the cough, it'll just get stuck there, scratching at the walls of my windpipe to cough, and that's what happened during CCA ytd.

Chem AP prep class is really quite boring. Gel and I were doodling, and she was drawing Yuuki Cross from Vampire Knights. I was just doodling. The doodling turned out pretty bad, so Sophie you see, I can't draw! Angela can draw like a few thousand times better.

Melanie requested for a nice picture so that she can put it up on her hostel room wall, so Gel drew one for her. She drew a chibi of someone... [hehe, Mel~] And when we passed it to her, she was so touched and all and was thanking us [I rolled it up so she couldn't see it immediately].... Then she opened it, and she was like, "OMG! GEL!!!!!!!!!!! >_<" Lol, the portrait was.... umm... hahas.

Nothing much to do now... WAS talking to Aunt. Not anymore, so quiet. I finished lunch. I hope I dun cough it all up. Bleh. *pukes* no la, joking.

I hope Aloysius won't be pissed. Gah.

Today was quite a weird day.
Shan't elaborate on what went on today because it's really weird, I don't even understand them.

So anyways, I have a stupid cough. Damn.

Heard alot of funny things today, don't know whether I should believe them or not. Some link, some don't. Gah, I'm really confused, are you?

Kuro means black. Black represents darkness. Kuro... Ku-ro... What a nice term.

Today was more or less boring, because stupid neopets won't allow me to play games properly.

Last night's dream was really scary.
There was this doctor I had to visit for a body checkup, and suddenly he said that I had to have my left arm and right leg amputated. I don't know why, but he said it is a must, and he even told my parents that.

So i obediently went for the surgery. The funny thing about the surgery is that, there's no fixed time. I could take all the time i want to relax, to spend time with my limbs.. and all that. Mum and dad weren't there, they were both busy, working. The only person I had around me, was my favourite uncle. He took work leave just for me, to stay with me. So we talked for awhile, then the doctor came in.

At this point, I remembered that I forgot to inform Him. So I hastily took my phone from Uncle and dropped him an sms. He was pissed. Angry that I didn't inform him earlier, thinking that I kept it from him purposely. While waiting for his sms reply after telling Him how apologetic I was... I asked the doctor...

"Why? Why do you have to amputate my arm and leg?"
He ignored me.
"Tell me why.... Why?"
Then he spoke. He told me a whole lot of rubbish, about how arms and legs increase the risk of cancer, that he did not want the cancer rate here to increase...All sorts of rubbish.

In fact, there was nothing wrong with me, the doctor was mad. I was angry. I screamed at the doctor, I yelled at him to reflect upon himself, whether removing my limbs would make me cancer free. I was really angry. My limbs are not supposed to be removed from my body! They're MINE!

The doctor cried, and he ran out. I took off my surgical attire and changed into normal clothes. I thanked my Uncle before running off... I had to look for Him, he's the only one... the only one who can calm me down now... To tell me everything's fine... That I still have my arms... That they weren't going to be amputated....

I ran and ran, then from a distance, I saw Him. I ran as fast as I could, sobbing with each step I took. And when I reached him, I hugged Him.

Everything felt warmer now.... I know everything was going to be fine, I will still have my limbs...

Then, mum woke me up and I got a shock because I was lying on bed, and I thought my limbs really got amputated. I twitched my fingers and toes... good, they're still there... they're still there... Everything's.... fine.

Jun Yup's internet is down! =( That means I can't msn him or what... sighs. Ehhhh! Wait, it's the weekends.... He'll be gaming so much that he won't talk to me. Oh wells, at least that's a better reason as to why he can't msn me ya? =P

And most of you may have noticed, I changed my msn nick to be:

Mine! Nobody touchie him! HMPH!

And I got like many responses regarding that..... Argh... Here's the reason I posted that!

I just finished watching the anime, who cares what title, I just did, okay? Angela recommended it. So in this anime, a few girls like one guy. But that guy.... well, can be inferred that he prefers one girl over the others. Lol.

So everytime this guy wants to let's say, kiss the gal he likes, the other gals will appear out of nowhere and break the nice romantic atmosphere. So they will start clinging to him and all. I 'summarised' the whole squabble thingy among the gals through that one sentence. That's all.

Goodness gracious me, what on earth were u all thinking!?!?!?! That some girl was trying to steal Jun Yup away from me? Then I become super duper possessive and type that to scare the person away? No!!!

Even if there was such a person stealing Jun Yup from me.... Either I keep it to myself and write in my own written diary, or I tell Gel jie about it, or I tell me other jies. If that woman pisses me off further, that's it. She earned herself the headlines on my blog. If I'm in not too bad a mood then I shall keep her name changed. My msn will write something about me being emo and stressed up and all.

Okay, maybe I'm possessive. But afterall, which girlfriend who loves her boyfriend so much will just sit down and drink lemonade when her boyfriend is being stolen away from her? Right?

So there you go, the reason for my msn PM. Some interesting responses I had were:

"Omg! You have a boyfriend?" -Lol. Yeah, I have a boyfriend. =P
"Are you angry with someone?" -If it were from a love rival, lol. I used to be angry with you, but not now, hahas.
"Is someone stealing your bf?" -No, not now. And hopefully never. Troublesome job trying to persuade ppl, you know?
"I thought someone was going to steal your bunny wunny." -You're the only person who didn't link the him with the Him! Yay! And no, anybody steals my bunny wunnies or my kitty witties, I will chop off their fingers! Nah, joking. Just a slap will do.
"Dun be angry la...." -Err? What? I'm not angry la! Or are you trying to tell me you were one of the ppl who tried to steal him? HMMM?! Joking.

Yeah, those are the more interesting ones. I'll keep it for another day or so and see if anybody adds to the list of funny reactions, lol.

You know, the stupid hostel until now still never reply to tell us that they got dad's email. So i sent them the message another time and this time it rebounced. Wth man, the hostel is freaking efficient horh?! I write this on my blog k, so if Ms Teh happens to see this maybe she'll remind the hostel ppl to look for dad's email and stop being blur or something. Dad sent an email to the boarding school, through the boarding school EMAIL. He did NOT type the address wrongly. It states that I will be staying AT HOME from now till after AP and the SCHOOL EXAM. Get it now?

BAHHHH!

So.... I prefer going for CCA, than to sit in a classroom and do Chemistry for 2 hours 15 minutes. I sent an email to Mr Murali, asking him if it was possible. I added this to the bottom of my email:

...so Mr Murali, would you please please please consider letting me go for CCA...? But if you don't want to let me go.... =( I can't go against a teacher's instructions right... =(

Lol... But anyways, he did allow me to go for CCA. In fact! All performers for speech day are excused. Well at the time I emailed him, I wasn't supposed to be in the performers thingy, according to the Vice Pres. I still went for CCA though. And Mr I said we all were gonna perform! Hahas. Poor Dinh, he skipped a whole gamelan session.

There's gonna be practice again next Monday and Tuesday. Speech day, oh, speech day. And the theme of Speech day is? SPECTRUM! Err... Okay, sorry but that was so.... umm... Cliche? I duno, it sounds really overused.

And! It is the first time any large scale event is so close, yet we don't know what's supposed to be going on generally on the day itself. Like, okay we know there is a speech day, and people are getting awards and people are performing on stage... But errr ya? Guests? And all the other details? Hmm.. So weird.

Who says Primary School kids can't be entrepreneurs?
Do you know they can do a better job than even people who are older than them?

If you hide your stones, nobody will see them shine. Because nobody will pick them up for polishing.

If you shut someone up because you don't want hear their feedback, you deprive yourself of a chance to grow.

I don't see you being so obedient when you really posted false information on your space. I'm typing my views, and a truth what others will see. I have proof of what happened, and yet when you wanted me to, I obediently listened to you.

The bent does not grow straight.

While I was lazing infront of my computer, doing nothing but reading blogs and thinking about how shitted up things are going with Speech Day, my phone rang. Thinking it's another one of those stupid people who never seem to bother, I was like shouting to myself, "Waliau, nothing good to say then stop bugging me la buggers!"

Then it wasn't an sms, it was an actual call. Very rare k... So I thought I was lucky and Yup decided to call me or something, but no, it's a NUS High number. So I picked it up anyway, and here came this sound, who i almost recognised immediately, Mr Chia! Then he was speaking in the tone where, you know, something has gone very wrong and he's trying to act calm sort of stuff.

Well, just imagine it. You're about to jump down a 100000000 storey building, and alrady standing at the edge when somebody comes and say, "Hey.... Remember those nice times you had with your best friend? Those were happy, happy moments... Now, I have your photographs here, come.... Come take a look at them." And then eventually you get down from that ridiculous edge? Ya, that's the tone.

He told me to go look for him, and he was lucky because I am STILL in school. Remember I said I wanted to go home early? Oh yea, you all dunno... But yea, I seriously wanted to go home early, but was so pissed because Yup didn't want to go home early, thus 'forcing' me to stay in school late.

Apparently, he sent something 'illegal' to my email, so he called me down to delete it infront of him, and Mr David Ng. Lucky guy sial, me never so lucky before can! Everytime I do something careless, it's like doom, baby! Since when got such fortunate moments for me to do solve stuff easily... Sigh.

[Part 2, deleted. You want know why I so pissed, come look for me personally.]

She is not an ordinary bunny wunny! I told you....

Click!

I finally ate my fanciful colored froot loops. They taste so much better than the other one.

But I felt suffocated, like someone stuffed cotton down my windpipe and suddenly, breathing seems so... so....... tiring, and difficult.

It's a price one has to pay.

Almost every night, I feel this weird sensation. I know what it is, but for you to find out.

How painful it feels to have this suffocating feeling, your heart beating like it was trying to pump blood through constricted vessels without damaging the delicate vessels. My eyes burnt, like sand flying into them.

Paying, something I do all the time. Yet, no change, no goods, just me.

I would like to thank Jun yup, my sweetie, for being unselfish and letting me use almost the same template as he did. And oops, even the background looks the same! Oh my... Never mind, it's still different k! Hahas...

Today was Biochemistry exam, and sad to say, I screwed it up. After that, went out with Angela, to Tiong Bahru Plaza, coz she wanted to buy her comic book. I bought Ripples slippers! Finally!!! And comb and clips... lol. Mum didn't even scold me for the slippers. Hey wait, well yea, I am supposed to get them myself!

Tomorrow will be AP chem classes. In the afternoon! So i can sleep till 10 again! But that would be bad coz I can't meet him in the canteen or what. Oh no! What if he gets pissed?! >_< Let's hope he'll stay alright, ya?

Tomorrow would be my Biochemistry exam, last exam for now.........
Chem APs after that, where the teachers actually expect us to score a 5, which is the highest possible. Well, a big big majority of the year 5s last year did it, and now it's our turn. I'm secretly afraid of it. =x

Then would be Organic Chemistry, which is really really the most feared paper. Would my efforts be wasted again? I've been trying very hard to catch up on it and i must say I really understand now, it's just alot of stuff to remember. Yet, there is that insecurity there. I've failed every quiz and test that SRY has thrown at us, and it's a terrible terrible feeling. Because I knew I really did study for them, I really really did.

Sigh... I really hope I can get a decent grade for Organic Chem. Urgh. I never want to take Organic Chemistry ever again. I want all the mechanisms thingy to just stick to my brains so that I can actually prove that I did study! I really did!

I hope I do well for tomorrow's Bio too. I hope the cycles and all stick to my brains as well. I can about recite them now... I hope i can do the same tomorrow. No more slacking in bed tomorrow, need to wake up early.

And yeah, I can go home tomorrow.... Which is good, coz I get to see my little kiddos, the dog and the hamster. And my precious piano.

All the best to you peeps out there whose exams are coming right up... Times are tough nowadays, it's like you smart, you survive, you stupid, you die sort of thing. Which is really really bad because kids are gonna be so pressure cooked and there's no way ever of getting a good childhood. I can't imagine the children of the next generation. Poor kids.

Woken up by my alarm at 6.20am today, and then sent a gd morning! sms to my darling. Everything's gonna be different now. It ain't the same road I've been walking for the past.... the past.... 11 months or so. Crossing my fingers and trying to find the safest route that isn't mined... Across scorching deserts, sometimes no food, no water... It's tough, but I will survive.

It's tough because help doesn't come that often. Any injuries I have, I gotta treat em as fast as possible myself... I really hope help would come more often. And there are obstacles along the way, the same obstacles I've been facing since I stepped into this place, I wished it never existed. It makes my path more perilous.

Earn it. Work for what I want. It takes top priority now, because I have less than one month to go before everything has no protection at all anymore. I have to find a way to build it up again, so that it remains without any expiry date, so that we may be better.... It's ours. We. Not I. It is WE.

I wanna celebrate his birthday with him again. And this time, it would be bigger, better, and happier. I will start planning it after 11 May. Because I want to, and also that I promised him that his birthdays would never be lonely ever again. And so, start saving money here and there in case i need funds, but of course, mum would be willing to chip in, seeing how she adores him, asking me every weekend if he's coming for visit or not.

And great he missed the 2nd sunday visit. Never mind, it's alright.....

My dad didn't manage to give the S.G. the happy finger. Coz the kaypoh guy was doing his shitty patrols again and he wasn't at his seat. Anyway, our family's so excited about the Airwave we're gonna get soon. Everytime when we're on the roads, we keep a lookout for them and when we spot one we'll be like, "SEE! AIRWAVE!" And then we all go on about how huge it looks and how classy it is, and the colors, which one better and all... Lol. I somehow feel bad for our trusty Nissan Sunny. Sunny's been with us for 7 years now and here we are, oogling at a new Honda Airwave while we're still sitting in it.... Aww... Sunny, thanks for your excellant service to the Ng family..... I hope we treated you well enough, but guess it is time for us to part.... Sighs. I hope that never happens between humans in real life. That is damn cruel and heartless.

I miss my piano already! Polished it and awww =( I have to go back to hostel and I can't see it for a week! My shiny piano!!!

Going for dinner later with dearies. My treat! I hope it'll make him feel happy, or at least cheer up a little.

Today's morning was spent cleaning up my baby. Ah, my beloved piano~ It was tough work, and the cloths turned black due to the dust. But it was worth it coz it is so shiny now... Has a very classy feel to it now that it's not caked in dust. Hahas.

Then spent the rest of the morning and abit of the afternoon entertaining mum. Sang while playing the piano and it was really quite enjoyable. One day I shall give my boyfriend a nice treat like this. =) He'll either like it, or he'll say my singing sucks, though I know he doesn't really mean it coz I'm NOT tone deaf. =)

Then was more chatting online... Turned up the music too, and was singing while typing and chatting. It really does a good job in stabilising my emotions, singing, I mean. But it's nicer if I sang alone coz in a choir it's different. Singing solo also allows you to do little modifications here and there.

To my dear boyfriend,
Please don't leave me... I don't wanna lose you.... Cassie loves you so very much.... =(
Don't leave Cassie...

And you know everytime I try to 'show off' some of my 'wisdom' I realise they aren't wise anymore =( I wasted 16 freaking years of my life! Collecting useless experience. But anyways, I had bad experiences when I was very young, from when I was in nursery till about sec 2. And this may have moulded me into whatever awkward person I am now. =(

Also sometimes I don't have opinions and that may be a result of that moulding. =( Coz when I was a kid in Primary school, I had many ideas and all that, but I didn't dare say them out because even if I even opened my mouth (literally, like maybe... physically opening it) teacher would say that I'm talking to my friend, which is so not true. And they're no friend coz they never backed me up if teacher anyhow accuse me. Then gradually I just don't generate these personal opinions anymore, unless it was for answering a question on paper. And that was when I learnt the art of stoning.

See, when you don't think anymore, you start stoning. I can go into stone mode as and when I want. And when I go into stone mode, I gain so much more resistance against physical impact, be it tickling, poking, pinching, punching, slapping......... I can also listen to about 5 conversations at once in stone mode and never get confused who said what. But it makes me look demented. My eyes may get crossed unknowingly O.o unglam.

Also, due to moulding, I can control my facial expressions better. And gain much immunity against jokes here and there. Like when teacher says something, and the whole class bursts into laughter, I won't. I never laughed. It's just strange coz some times I don't find it funny at all though I do get the joke.

Okay maybe I'm just weird. Hopefully I become more normal. And maybe my life would change once i hit 17... I hope if it does, it'll change to become better, and that i won't stumble all the time... Please Lord, give me your blessings...

Don't leave me....

Today was a sucky day too. Two major events.

First, the doomed discussion.
Hmm... so he called me a 'bitch'. (Ouch. Some of you may say.) So of course I won't be happy la. To assure myself, I went asking a few couples I knew, especially the guys side, and they said they'd never call their gals 'bitch'. Even if they're irritating. But ahh never mind, I now know it's part of his common vocabulary. I tried discussing this issue with him, coz he did say that he won't call me 'bitch' again, ever. And that was before this happened. In the end, nothing good happened. Instead, he decided to stop talking to me just coz I was discussing about this issue with him. Not to mention, I patiently waited for his msn replies coz he was gaming, sometimes waiting up to 30 minutes just for 1 or 2 sentences. Then, when he had to go, he left, just like that.

I shan't type my true feelings here, because it doesn't do anything good. I know how I feel myself and that shall be it. I'm just giving a brief description here, just wanted to put an account up here so that next time i can come back and review.

2nd Major event, visit to Grandma's house
Today was different. Coz when I arrived, it was total silence. And guess what? Dillon was forced my his dad to do some math question on the newspaper. And he freaking kept emphasizing that he had to finish the questions in 15 minutes time. And he kept shouting and shouting that Dill wasn't using his brains that is why he's taking so long. And the poor guy cried la.
Then after he finally finished it, my mom and his mom and his dad were having a casual chat about education. Then my uncle say so loudly, "Yalor! Cannot give him pressure la... If not will get alot of careless mistakes!" And he was pressurizing his son just now. -_-
The rest was just family politics. Uncle wanted to sell Grandpa's antique statue, which now belongs to my family. Money again. Sigh.

Disclaimer: This post contains vulgarities. You don't like vulgarities, dun read. And if you think I don't say vulgarities, you're wrong. I use vulgarities when I'm super super pissed off.

I thought it would be a bloody fine day, and I really really hoped it would be fine. But NO! Despite being 11th April, being the 11th month, it was damn damn damn fucking frustrating la!

Thank the Gods, my exams weren't the least bit affected by this damn irritating day.

Shit the day man.

Gamelan was freaking frustrating today. So it wasn't that fun. Mainly because I specifically wrote down performance notes for the song and nobody actually wanted to play it right. In the end, Irsyad thought I was the freaking blur person la! Shit man, I wasn't blur k... They just played it wrong! Whatever la! I dun care anymore. The whole freaking session was frustrating. And it's the first time I actually thought gamelan was not as enjoyable.

Whatever happened after gamelan, was total SHIT. I didn't eat dinner at all. Damn no mood at all la! Eat what la, eat sai ah? Not to mention that someone used a vulgarity on me when I expected that someone NOT to? Okay, and that freaking triggered me to use all these fishing words.

And then I came home, and I went to bathe, planning to go online and have a NICE chat with him. Try to forget all those frustating shits and do something calming for once, ya? NO. Dad koped the computer. And guess what he's doing? Comparing two handphones. Click here click there, in the end, still the same two phones. Duno what's wrong la seriously, phone is just phone right? Sumore he already ordered his new phone, still want compare what la. Then use the comp until so long.

Walau eh. Then I finally get to come online right, and I felt so damn frustrated edi la. So i thought, fine, good, at least now I can proceed with a NICE chat. Ha. Ha. Laugh at me, people. Coz nope, I didn't get my nice chat at all. I went online just to hear him say that he was going to go GAME. Oh wow, how fascinating. I can't believe my fished up luck larh. And i thought today was gonna be manageable. Hell no.

I'm sorry to say that this day was one of the most frustrating days EVER. And i feel like just throwing everything around and dun care where the hell it lands. Including YOU!

Nah, just joking. I won't throw you if you don't come up to me and say hi then walk away and say bye. Whatever. I'm just being so pissed off now I don't even feel like typing anything decent.

Aww =( It's so sad that my little bunny wunny (As Jun Yup calls it) Tochi has been the greatest bunny wunny ever and I don't even know his birthday! Hmm... Lemme see, I got him after the midyear exams, and after 11 May so... let me estimate it a little and give it a nice date..... ok. 20 May! Lols...

Tochi-chan! You heard that? You're birthday's 20 May and it's coming soon~ *Tochi smiles*

Today was somehow an average day... We had English exam and I didn't have time to write the stupid conclusion, can you believe that?! And lol, I think I didn't write enough content. Like on the surface lorh, bleh. I'm very dead!

Studying for Math (Track 1. Uh-huh! We ROCK!) and Chem kinetics. Not so confident but I did study k... I did understand things and put them into my head, so I really hope tomorrow goes well.

So anyways, spent some time with my new friend. For anybody who's interested to know this person, come ask me ba! But I'll only tell you if you're a really nice person. Hahas.Too bad. And oh man! I forgot to ask a few questions... =(

Went up again to study... ya, like for the 6th day... Then Gel jie and I got so boreddddd we just sat on our beds and stared at each other. Then Gel jie decided to go down to eat ice cream. Hwahwahwa... ICE CREAM! [And hey, she's supposed to 'owe' me one for screaming...] I got a popsicle =) And I like popsicles better than ice + cream. Or cones. Just too huge.

Shudster came down to the canteen and showed me his presentation, which was really really quite well done I would say. And the points were interesting as well. Would never have thought of that. Hmm.

Surprisingly, went up to get my bag and came down again, and my new friend was there at the canteen! Lols. Then I saw Yup. Recently, he gave up on tictacs and stocked up on mentos. The rainbow ones. Today, he got 5 straight pink sweets. But 5 is too much for me to munch at one time, so he gave it away. He decided to eat the 4th one though. Lol.

Oh man, I'm seriously quite scared about tomorrow. Cross fingers! Good luck to me.... blah, scared. Though there are scarier things la.

Oh yas, I realised that quite a number of people actually read my blog now. Not as much as Jun Yup's or wad la, it's just, quite a number. Lols. Which is alright actually. This is like, rare time where I actually have a public blog for a long time, omg... 89 posts! Hahas.

And so, I shall be less depressed over here. Maybe a litle rebellious at times, but no... not TOO depressing. Lol. Unless there's a need to.

Nah, never mind Hilda. She'll be nice. Hahas. And Daxon.... Daxon's fine. He was just confused, I guess. Hahas.

Anyway, today was sorta sucky.
S.G. was so wtf today. If he wasn't so light absorbing and wearing a uniform, I would have SERIOUSLY kicked him. At where it hurts the most. I can't tolerate shitasses like him. He was being totally idiotic. He doesn't even have any heart at all la. If it were some other person, he would have just closed one eye and let us off with a warning, instead of repeatedly sentencing us to stuff.

What's worse, he tried to act like a discipline master. Walau eh. S.G. only can?! Dun act cool la, piang.... No trouble want create more trouble. Next time, I tell my dad to give you happy finger when he drive past you! Everytime wave at you, you think you president of school ah?! Give you happy finger den you will learn manz!

So ERRHMM. Dun b so complacent. If I get into big trouble, you are too. Because imma set my dog on ya, get that?

Screw the no ranting on blog rule, lol. Hmm... I dunno this call ranting but here goes. Names have been changed to protect their identities. See, I still care about identities k? And also, whatever typed here is MY opinion, which obviously will change after some time, and which does not fully describe any person(s) involved.

Hilda*, I'm sorry to say that you are freaking freaking getting on my nerves these few days. First you step on my toes, now you're riding on my nerves. You were so..... in the way, that I couldn't even go about doing my daily routine properly.

Yes, Hilda, I don't care whether you're smiling to yourself now or not. But wipe that smugness of your face because you're just a lousy person. Oops. I just said a mean thing, but never mind, there were meaner things happening to me just when you think you're oh-so-hurt.

So anyway, what's with you and Daxon*? Are you all ganging up against me now? Yea? You think it's funny? You think it's so fun seeing people always in the wrong?

And you think it's so easy to control my temper? You're lucky I have so much tolerance. It seems like there isn't any peak at all, and I hope nobody sees it if it existed. The peak was, I repeat, WAS, invisible, thanks to the thick clouds surrounding it. But you know what? You, Hilda, the mighty gust of wind, one day decided to throw my world into chaos mode, blowing away the clouds, and now, it isn't that invisible anymore.

Look, if you want to be the mighty wind blowing around me, can't you just tell me instead of doing your own shit? At least, coexist harmoniously or something! What's so great about chaos?!

Anyway, Hilda, watch it. You may just step onto my mouth one day and that's it. I will SWALLOW you whole, understand? Either that, or you stand beside me and stop messing things around.



*names are changed

The first time I heard that song, Yinxue sang it. And it was really really nice. But i never thought how much it actually depicted the near future. Oh wells.

But i won't post lyrics here... cause hmm.. nobody really reads lyrics.

Exams are coming. I feel screwed. Maybe I am. It's the emotions thing, you know. Very unstable.. hurm... hmm.. erhmm... But never mind. Gotta believe. It's the aftereffects of things la.

When someone undergoes trauma, it affects the person for quite some time. The emotions felt won't go away in the snap of fingers. It lingers, haunting the person, making these emotions ride through their body... Making them fearful, scared, worried.

It's worse if there's no firm assurance though. >_<

How can I just let you walk away... (First sentence of "Against all odds")

Being a year 5... It really changes a person a lot. But sometimes, I really hate it.
Okay...I'm not being emo here... Just, reflective.

So you're a year 5 and suddenly you realised there are so many empty spaces, gaps all over your timetable. I end at 9am on Monday, and that sounds like something to boast about, with all the other levels shouting, "WHAT?! No way!"
Sounds so pro right... And then, you get to go back to your room to sleep whenever you have breaks. Again, a point that makes the younger ones want to be year 5.

But now, to me...I dun think being yr 5 is really that great.
It's really sressful being year 5.
And it really teaches you the real meaning of falling down.
The real meaning of pain.

Today I would like to thank KaiHui, for going the extra mile for a person in need.

She was the first person, for the whole day, to ask if I was alright. And that was at about 6pm. She even queued at the hostel food queue with me, something nobody would want to do. Even when I said that she didn't need to come along, she insisted on coming along.

Smsing me, even though we were in the sight of each other... asking me what's wrong before appraoching me. She even borrowed a jacket for me from Nat when she found out I was cold. But even if there weren't any jacket, her kindness would have warmed me up pretty well. I was really touched.

Thank you, KaiHui. Really. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

要安慰一个人，首先要给予爱的温暖。真心真意要帮助那个人，那个人才会因此得到安慰。悲哀，伤心，即使环境有多么温暖，还是会觉得非常非常的冷。
能够爱一个人，其实是一种福气。在这复复杂杂的社会中，我们是否有停下脚步，好好的去爱一个人呢？社会越忙碌，工作越多，爱就会越来越少。社会因此变得冷漠。
失去爱的感觉，你们是否感受到吗？当你将要失去爱，难免会感到非常非常痛苦。那种感觉，会一直困在你心里，慢慢的折磨着你。我好想好想把那份爱带回来哦！
不要再痛苦，不要把这爱从我心里多走，好吗？就算是我在求求你，秦你不要把这爱拿走，好吗？我会尽全力，做一个很好很好的人，我一定会守在你身旁，永远爱着你。

I really sympathize with that girl. Because she is so much like me. And I guess she would be hungry too, though I am not that hungry.
I won't rant on this blog anymore, or on any other blog. It's a funny thing how people can be likened to things, inanimate objects. I never understood how.
Maybe I shouldn't be what I currently am now. Childish, and blur. Situations have changed and the skies are turning grey, clouds rolling in, even the sun is running away. I have to fight for it. To be what I can truly be.
I will learn how to be what I have to be, or I will perish. There is no giving up.

I WILL WORK HARD. Work harder, Cassie! Cassie Cassie Cassie! Work harder!

1. I will keep the smile on my face.

2. I will stop discussing certain stuffs.

3. I will NOT be jealous over ANYTHING.

4. I will learn to overcome difficuties, cross obstacles, and not complain about them.

5. I will cope with my own problems myself.

6. I will NOT complain if I'm in pain. I CAN TAKE THE PAIN!

7. I will treasure my moments.

8. I will NOT intentionally injure myself, no matter how emo I get.

9. I will respect decisions that were made.

10. I will NEVER cry into the phone. NEVER! No crying!

11. I will keep the number 11 close to my heart.

12. I will NOT give up hope on myself.

13. I will NOT give up hope on others.

14. I will do my BEST to keep people satisfied. Happy if possible.

15. I will wish good for him EVERYTIME I see a shooting star.

16. I will NOT make people pay for me.

17. I will try my best to keep friendships from breaking, that includes friendships that are unrelated to me as well.

18. I will NOT rant on my blog ANYMORE.

19. I will CHEER people on and give them the motivation to keep fighting.

20. I WILL WORK HARD. VERY HARD.



I will stay to these rules. Because if I don't, it's a straight road to self corruption in the end.

My friends out there, please spare me some support when I'm stumbling. I really need all of you to tell me to keep going on, to keep fighting for it.



Because I really really want it, and I'm afraid I'm losing it faster than I can manage. I need to keep it there and push it a little further up.



I'm reaching for what I used to be able to see, but unable to reach. Now it's a blur, I can't let it out of my sight, I need it. I want to be able to reach it and hold it in my arms, to embrace it. It's so important to me, and I'm betting my life on it. So please, please don't let it go further than it is now. Please, I need to reacher higher than where I am reaching now.