If only...
If only feelings and emotions were that easy to control.
How I wished I could just tell myself, BE HAPPY! And then I'd be happy. Yet, this is never the case.
People fall into sadness more easily than they become happy. And it's not even a joke. I don't get how people blame others for feeling sad. When people become sad, there has got to be something that has upset them in one way or another.
So, I don't understand why I must force myself to be happy when I was being stood up, neglected, and betrayed. I was hurt, so I was sad. So now, I'm being blamed for it? I really don't get it. My sadness was because of the things you do and the way you treat me.
In any case!
Uhm... Yea. I wished things were that easy to control.
Sometimes your heart and your mind don't agree on certain things. Your heart gets hurt, then your mind gets sad. But what if you don't want to be sad, but your heart just keeps hurting?
Pain.
Sweet pain.
And my friends. I have so much to tell you, but in the end, I can't tell you. Because I don't know where to start.
Am I supposed to start by saying, 'Hey, I'm hurt. Someone hurt me.'
Or am I supposed to tell you, 'Save me from the pain, my friend.'
Or am I supposed to ask you, 'Where have you been when I needed you?'
I've been helping people much, that I don't even know how to help myself, or let others help me. Then again, they can't really help me... They could only offer a listening ear.
Yet there are some things that certain friends can't know due to circumstance.
I'm confused. And I'm terrified.
I feel like... I'm waiting for something that will never come.
Never...
How I wished I could just tell myself, BE HAPPY! And then I'd be happy. Yet, this is never the case.
People fall into sadness more easily than they become happy. And it's not even a joke. I don't get how people blame others for feeling sad. When people become sad, there has got to be something that has upset them in one way or another.
So, I don't understand why I must force myself to be happy when I was being stood up, neglected, and betrayed. I was hurt, so I was sad. So now, I'm being blamed for it? I really don't get it. My sadness was because of the things you do and the way you treat me.
In any case!
Uhm... Yea. I wished things were that easy to control.
Sometimes your heart and your mind don't agree on certain things. Your heart gets hurt, then your mind gets sad. But what if you don't want to be sad, but your heart just keeps hurting?
Pain.
Sweet pain.
And my friends. I have so much to tell you, but in the end, I can't tell you. Because I don't know where to start.
Am I supposed to start by saying, 'Hey, I'm hurt. Someone hurt me.'
Or am I supposed to tell you, 'Save me from the pain, my friend.'
Or am I supposed to ask you, 'Where have you been when I needed you?'
I've been helping people much, that I don't even know how to help myself, or let others help me. Then again, they can't really help me... They could only offer a listening ear.
Yet there are some things that certain friends can't know due to circumstance.
I'm confused. And I'm terrified.
I feel like... I'm waiting for something that will never come.
Never...
Pokemon "Pika Pika" Carnival @ Isetan Scotts
Finally, a pokemon event in Singapore!
Since it is the holidays and I haven't been to Orchard Road in a long time, I decided to go for the event!
Brought my Mum along as we planned to have a mother-daughter day out at Orchard Road.
We went to Isetan Scotts Level 4 for the carnival.
So excited when I saw the carnival arch! When I arrived, I saw many people who like me, held their open Nintendo DS'es and claimed their free event Pikachu.
I'm not too sure whether Pikachu's are obtainable in Pokemon Black/White, but I've always been a fan of Raichu (Pikachu receives too much love) so I just had to get one for myself! This Pikachu is Lvl 100 and holds a Light Ball. It knows Thunder, Volt Tackle, Grass Knot, and Quick Attack. Pretty impressive!
There were many kids around though. Not spammage many, but still, many. It being a Sunday and all...
The carnival seemed like a pretty big affair, but the event area was really small. They had three game stations, one action simulator game, and two ball games, which the kids had to pay to play. Prizes were available though, but I was too big a Pokemon master to be playing with the kids.
They also had sale of merchandise. There was many things. They sold stuff like lunchboxes, towels, cups, cutlery, bottles, notepads, stickers, folders, stationery, and plushies.
I was a little sad about the plushies though. When I arrived, they only had Tepig, Emolga, Lugia, Chikorita, Celebi, and Scraggy left. What's more disappointing is that I saw kids holding baskets with Oshawott, Snivy, and Cincinno plushies! ): I would have gotten a Snivy if I could but they ran out!
They had smaller keychains of Audino, Sawk, Munna and Whimsicott.
In the end, I bought myself a Audino keychain and an eraser.
Loot for the day! They gave me a free Pichu headgear for my purchase.
Since it is the holidays and I haven't been to Orchard Road in a long time, I decided to go for the event!
Brought my Mum along as we planned to have a mother-daughter day out at Orchard Road.
We went to Isetan Scotts Level 4 for the carnival.
I'm not too sure whether Pikachu's are obtainable in Pokemon Black/White, but I've always been a fan of Raichu (Pikachu receives too much love) so I just had to get one for myself! This Pikachu is Lvl 100 and holds a Light Ball. It knows Thunder, Volt Tackle, Grass Knot, and Quick Attack. Pretty impressive!
There were many kids around though. Not spammage many, but still, many. It being a Sunday and all...
The carnival seemed like a pretty big affair, but the event area was really small. They had three game stations, one action simulator game, and two ball games, which the kids had to pay to play. Prizes were available though, but I was too big a Pokemon master to be playing with the kids.
They also had sale of merchandise. There was many things. They sold stuff like lunchboxes, towels, cups, cutlery, bottles, notepads, stickers, folders, stationery, and plushies.
I was a little sad about the plushies though. When I arrived, they only had Tepig, Emolga, Lugia, Chikorita, Celebi, and Scraggy left. What's more disappointing is that I saw kids holding baskets with Oshawott, Snivy, and Cincinno plushies! ): I would have gotten a Snivy if I could but they ran out!
They had smaller keychains of Audino, Sawk, Munna and Whimsicott.
In the end, I bought myself a Audino keychain and an eraser.
POKEMON FOREVER!!!
If any fellow Pokemon Masters out there haven't gotten their Pikachu's yet, go get it! It's Singapore only, so it's really special! Or if you're there and you grab a Snivy plushie you can give it to me as a present! (Heehee!)
PFFT.
Life has been moving along so far.
There are days which I am happy, and days which I am sad. Mostly, I am just soaking in the holiday laze while having activities on certain days. And most evenings and nights, I busy myself talking to people on FBChat or MSN and helping them in ways that I am able to.
I still remember those days when I did all these stuff. And get reminded of how lonely it really is. It is a good thing, I know, to be helping others with their frustrations.. But at the same time, I become a part of their past in the future which they forget. Not everybody wants to remember a troubled period in their past, and very often, they forget the people who helped them get through it.
Saw a quote today:
People say you don't know what you've got till it is gone.
Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it.
It kinda hit a soft spot in my mind and set me thinking a little. Now I guess I should be prepared to lose the people who were once close to me.
And it is these thoughts that caused me to be a little upset with life right now.
Actually this Monday I went out with Mel and Gel for some lunch and HTHT. Then headed to strictly pancakes for dinner with old buddies. I was considering whether I should attend the dinner gathering, because he was there. Thankfully, the seating arrangement was decent and I did not have to face him at all.
But once I saw him, all the rage I've been keeping low arose in me. All that hurt and all that pain, it just radiated through me and I wasn't very happy about it. People have told me to just completely block him out, on all communication devices too. I don't really want to do that. I'm leaving communications open because I am waiting for him to admit his fault, admit that he was the one who compromised us.
Unless he admits to that, my stand is clear: I am not his friend, and he is not mine.
Friends are not statuses for show. To me, a friend is someone I hold close, someone that I support and encourage. And someone who can do the same for me. I felt I've done enough for him, some even telling me that I gave him more than he deserved, and if he doesn't get past his ego and narcissistic thoughts, I can't see myself being a friend to him.
Don't say I don't give chances.
To the people who have seen me through 6 to 7 months of relationship hell, they know I've done my best. He, can't even appreciate all that, even saying that he never told me to do so for him, or if I did listen to him talk it wouldn't turn out this way.
In the first place, if he didn't want this relationship, him trying to talk me into leaving him isn't going to help much. You can't have a relationship with an expiry date - A concept he has never ever grasped.
He tried to make a deal with me such that he will come back to me IF I agreed to let him go in the future.
This is not a relationship. And I am not his life escort for you to play with.
When I saw his face during the dinner gathering, it totally ruined my entire day even though lunch with the girls was such a pleasant affair. His face is a sign of the disrespect he's shown me, the disposable thoughts with regards to me, betrayal, and everything bad in the world.
If working hard for 7 months and getting nothing in return was not bad enough, his insistence on his innocence and his thoughts that he wasn't the one who strained the relationship for us, is bad enough for bad.
There are days which I am happy, and days which I am sad. Mostly, I am just soaking in the holiday laze while having activities on certain days. And most evenings and nights, I busy myself talking to people on FBChat or MSN and helping them in ways that I am able to.
I still remember those days when I did all these stuff. And get reminded of how lonely it really is. It is a good thing, I know, to be helping others with their frustrations.. But at the same time, I become a part of their past in the future which they forget. Not everybody wants to remember a troubled period in their past, and very often, they forget the people who helped them get through it.
Saw a quote today:
People say you don't know what you've got till it is gone.
Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it.
It kinda hit a soft spot in my mind and set me thinking a little. Now I guess I should be prepared to lose the people who were once close to me.
And it is these thoughts that caused me to be a little upset with life right now.
Actually this Monday I went out with Mel and Gel for some lunch and HTHT. Then headed to strictly pancakes for dinner with old buddies. I was considering whether I should attend the dinner gathering, because he was there. Thankfully, the seating arrangement was decent and I did not have to face him at all.
But once I saw him, all the rage I've been keeping low arose in me. All that hurt and all that pain, it just radiated through me and I wasn't very happy about it. People have told me to just completely block him out, on all communication devices too. I don't really want to do that. I'm leaving communications open because I am waiting for him to admit his fault, admit that he was the one who compromised us.
Unless he admits to that, my stand is clear: I am not his friend, and he is not mine.
Friends are not statuses for show. To me, a friend is someone I hold close, someone that I support and encourage. And someone who can do the same for me. I felt I've done enough for him, some even telling me that I gave him more than he deserved, and if he doesn't get past his ego and narcissistic thoughts, I can't see myself being a friend to him.
Don't say I don't give chances.
To the people who have seen me through 6 to 7 months of relationship hell, they know I've done my best. He, can't even appreciate all that, even saying that he never told me to do so for him, or if I did listen to him talk it wouldn't turn out this way.
In the first place, if he didn't want this relationship, him trying to talk me into leaving him isn't going to help much. You can't have a relationship with an expiry date - A concept he has never ever grasped.
He tried to make a deal with me such that he will come back to me IF I agreed to let him go in the future.
This is not a relationship. And I am not his life escort for you to play with.
When I saw his face during the dinner gathering, it totally ruined my entire day even though lunch with the girls was such a pleasant affair. His face is a sign of the disrespect he's shown me, the disposable thoughts with regards to me, betrayal, and everything bad in the world.
If working hard for 7 months and getting nothing in return was not bad enough, his insistence on his innocence and his thoughts that he wasn't the one who strained the relationship for us, is bad enough for bad.