These few days have been weird. Been constantly worried/upset/stressed, coz there's been lots of things, but I can't remember all of them.

Today was alright in the front part. Didn't work at the counters today, and was instead encouraged to stay at the desk to scan and upload patient records. Cleared a whole thick pile, to my senior's delight. I still have a lot more thicker piles to go. I don't think I can do it tmr coz there would be two docs so... Too bad.

Gladly stayed (unpaid) from 3 to 6.30pm to scan more stuff. There's nothing to do at home, so I rather stay and have somebody to talk to.

Oh talking about somebody. There were newcomers at work this week, and they're all a lot older than me. But they both aunties seem to like me so much, they keep coming to talk to me, and ask me questions and all that. Sometimes they seem more motherly than my own mum, lol.

Miss my compy, still. Using this old computer seriously ticks me off. Everything is about 100 times slower. And I bet it's full of bloody viruses.

Can't even have a perfect day.

One goal accomplished. I finally got my Community First Aid certification today, and being a First Aider has been a goal of mine since some time ago. Thanks to H1N1, couldn't get it done fast.

Big thank you to SGH IMSE, staff over there and Mr Roger Tan (the instructor) for helping me fulfill my goal! Oh, and Hidayah for being my partner.

So.. Theory was fine, I guess. The situational test was a bit screwy for me coz it was mostly imaginary and thus need to ask a few questions and I missed that part.

Overall, fun, and done! Hurray I can save lives now!

Oh ya, doing CPR is crazily tiring. Have to use a lot of force, press until my hand redred lorh. But I think when emergency stuff happen like that in real life, we won't go and think and complain like that. Sore hand still better than dead man.

I still miss my compy. Wonder where it is right now, if it's placed properly. I aways have a constant fear of it being lost. I mean, things screw up and that's inevitable... But seeing how suay I am... I really hope I won't be suay this time. I hope compy will be well and still remember me when its back.

In the meantime, Mio TV is keeping me company. Watching documentaries. The awesome thing is that they have Life of Mammals by David Attenborough now! So having lots of fun watching that. Who doesn't love Attenborough's documentaries, right?

Alright, getting sleepy. Nights night.

Argh! Can my life be smooth for once and not kick me in the ass over and over again?

My precious Compaq has been sent for repairs due to a faulty CD reader. I don't really know what they're going to to do it, since it is a hardware problem. Some dude ytd told me that they are going to wipe its memory either way.

It's seriously like doing surgery for a common cold! I said the hardware is spoilt, and it is, so why do you need to remove all the data!!! In any case, the most important thing is what happens if my OS is wiped as well. Shit Microsoft/Best Denki/HP-Compaq doesn't provide the OS disk when they sell the laptop. Should be so for other computers as well.

So for Compaq computers they have the recovery manager thing, where they help you create your own set of backup disks. I think that will restore the OS? If not, how does anyone get the OS back on whenever they need it?! Well, as I said, MY CD READER IS SPOILT. So how in the poot do I create those pro backup disk sets they are talking about?!

So just bloody fix the hardware and leave my harddrive alone pretty please with 1000 cherries on top!

Anyway, so pissed off right now with this frustrating XP computer. And why does everyone LOVE firefox anyway, it is so retarded I can't even open my mails on gmail. What is wrong with everything!?!?!

BAHH!!!

Going to IMSE to learn First Aid tomorrow. Pretty interesting, but I can't concentrate while worrying about my computer. I seriously don't trust the dudes with TLC for my lovely laptop. I hope they put it in a box or something, and not stack the laptops up like pizzas. That will suck.

Oh yes, I watched some documentary on Mio TV about parasites. So icky, but very informative! Gosh, there is just so much to watch on Mio TV, so I hope it can tide me through this period of retarded computer days.

Gonna go sleep. Life isn't bringing me where I want to go, so the next best thing is to create my own world in my dreams. Have a break from the terrible reality life has plopped us in to.

Do you have that feeling that life just gives you what you need to barely survive? Like if you're starving and about to die, then life gives you this worm/grub to eat, tells you it's full of nutrients and proteins and fat, and then it's the only thing you get to eat. So you eat it, and you can't die, but you're still starving.

Sad feeling. That is roughly how it feels sometimes when people don't get the extent of your perseverance and tells you that it's just (insert something trivial), just one more, at least you have something (that you can't do anything with)... Because we've had enough of eating grubs all the time, we're hungry, and we need some substantial "food".

Substantial! Little joys aren't gonna make you the happiest person on earth.

Perfection is scary. It is seldom seen, so when it does appear, it is scary. It's like holding a million-dollar note in your hands. And then I wonder if it is real. If it is, now what? What do I do with it? Using it will cause it to lose its perfection, leaving it would make the effort wasted.

For me, the perfect guy would be one who, obviously, loves me a whole lot. Physical appearance wise, nice smile, good hair, clean and neat appearance. Well-built, fit but not too muscly, not too short. Other stuff like, good attitude, decent personality, hardworking and responsible, kind and polite, patient and understanding.

But if I do meet that guy, seriously... I won't even know what to do with him. I'll just stand there and either be awed, or slapping and pinching myself and ask if this is real.

Side note: This reminds me of a very wish-fulfilling dream that I got last year while napping. Good scenario, too good to be true, so perfect. And I just had to ask the question if this was a dream. The person replied, "Of course, with things that good, it is always a dream."

So yea, when things get too good, slap yourself and check if it is. If not, just ask. Don't ask me, though, I will answer you as above.

Work today was shit crazy. Monday sees the crankiest, impatient people at the clinic. We also have the moodiest, shortest-fuse doctor on duty. So not only did the patients blow up today, our doctor did too. The only victims - clinical assisstants.

Because of some miscommunication between HR and doctor, cranky doctor was uber late. Because he thought there was going to be a locum on duty, so he sent his car for maintenance. Then when he got the situation, he damn angrily rushed over in a cab. Not only that, he left his cellphone in the cab.

He got here 1.5hours after clinic opening time. So the patients were firing at us. Pressuring us to call the doctor to find out where he is. But his cell is missing. What can we do???

Patients blew up one by one. The doctor came and dropped the imperial bomb on us.
So, we died today. And got ressurected eventually.

After that went to watch Killers with JunYup.

The storyline isn't THAT impressive, but eye candy Ashton Kutcher and the pretty Katherine Heigl... Makes up for it. Funny movie though ^.^

It's a tough thing. What makes someone valuable to another? Is it skills, talent, usefulness, personality, character, moral values, physical appearance, or what?

Everyone wants to mean something to someone. I am no exception. I want to have someone to live for everyday, someone who will be happy just to see me there, happy to see me smile. And I would be important to that someone.

I don't want to have to work extra hours every single day, just for someone to like me because they can just use me to cover their leaves and MCs.
I don't want to have to do something which I absolutely hate just for someone to find me important.

Isn't there just THAT someone on this Earth that can be happy just by me being me?
And where is that someone because I need you now.

What about my parents? Okay, seriously, they don't really care. All I have to do is spend within their limits and they can't be bothered. I can yell and scream and ask for them... Dad doesn't even care, he just tunes me out. And Mum just sleeps through everything.

Imagine next time when I have some emergency. Let's say I choke on something and can't breathe. So I will make lots of noise, flailing to attract someone's attention. Then Dad just plays his Bejeweled, and Mum just tells me to shut up.

Just great. I will just die in that situation. (Unless I can do the Heimlich Maneuver on myself)

I don't know who reads my blog exactly, but if you get sick of reading this, just know that this is my blog, and I post anything I want. My blog is the only way to get my frustrations out because there is nobody who I can talk to anytime. I think anybody would be sick of listening to me rant about the same issues. But trust me, I am doing all I can to change the situations I am stuck in right now. I don't need anymore of you guys telling me to shut up because I already have nobody who can fully understand the situation, and that leads to me having nobody to talk to.

You know I can't have a night where I can sleep easily. I hate and am sick of the fact that I wake up to an empty home every morning. I wake up and immediately I'm alone. This is my home, and I am all alone. The aircon in my room is never cold, because it's already freezing cold at home. I sleep late every night because I don't want to wake up to a brand new lonely day.

I come home from work to yet an empty home.

I wait and wait for my parents to come home. And when they do, they are so absorbed in that DAMNED channel 8 show. When that is over, Dad goes to surf his internet, and Mum falls asleep in that cursed sofa. I call for her and she never replies. I wake her up and she tells me to piss off. So I get in my room and wait, again. Then she comes in after like 11.30pm. And she pretends to be interested in my life but actually she just wants to fall asleep on my bed. I took a photo to prove it, but I'm not going to post it here because I don't want to come to my blog and see that scene I absolutely hate.

Obviously I'm ranting here. Obviously I'm very frustrated and angry right now. And I obviously need a miracle in my life. Right about now.

I can finally go home on time today from work, which explains my blog post title.

So... I woke up today to a freaking itchy face, and was tolerating it without scratching for the whole day. If I could, I'd swear those pimples off my face.

Anyway, work was a crawl today. But since it's the school holidays, crowd reduced by a whopping 20%. Also, people were slightly more patient today, which is good. Reason being all medication are to be checked by the doctor-in-charge.

This is all thanks to a colleague who is super damn careless and causes lots of insecurities to a lot of people.

When the gynae started, it was a little more chaotic, but it's still alright.

Went home and watched Nanny 911 on MioTV. It's quite interesting to see those pesky kids change to little angels. But those families really needed outside help coz the kids dun listen to their parents much, but when outsiders start scolding they would feel like they should listen.

It's the same with every family.

Valid reminders never work. Valid advice never listens. You need an outsider to scold before anyone stubborn gets anything down.

But then that reminds me of my own family, although it isn't chaotic. In fact, it's not chaotic at all. It's just too quiet. Mum and Dad comes home to sleep. And they aren't understanding that I need some attention!!

Not like people who have attention yet crave for more, I really need some because the attention level I get at home is pretty low.

I get asked to do this, do that... Help with this, help with that... Change this setting on the phone, change this setting on facebook, spelling all sorts of words, writing all sorts of words, faxing, scanning, photocopying...

That's all I do at home for my parents. After I'm done, then they're done with interacting with me.

I try to communicate. I tell them that I'm lonely at home, I don't like it when they come home to watch a show and they sleep. Told my mum that I want her to come hang around with me and talk to me. She just doesn't.

She tells me to shut up.

I'm serious.