So the chem person has replied me again, on top of the chem teacher, to tell me that he will not allow a separate time slot to be arranged for me. And I were to talk to him if I needed further clarification.

I felt an urge to email him back voicing out all my shit concerns but decided against it because then I would sound like a jerk and a rebel.

He said: I think the options of internship vs special elective were made clear early on. You have to prioritize and make a choice.

But I would also like the mention here that those with only ONE elective can take up internship as well. It was also mentioned to us.

So I shall type my rebellious response here because then it will most probably not be read by some authority who will smack the mjolnir on my head.

Dear so-and-so,

I understand that it would somehow be unfair to the teacher to be providing an extra hour or so to cover what I have missed in the 2-hour lesson on Tuesdays. However, there are also a few things I would like to point out.

Firstly, you mentioned that I have to make a choice between electives and internship. This however, takes a different stand in the case of the student only taking up one elective. The option of internship on top of our only elective was offered to us people.

In my case, as you know, I only have the Chemistry special elective. Spending 3 hours in school on three days is such a waste of time that I felt so compelled to pursue my interest in Biology, which is my true interest, passion, and life. However, due to my below 3 CAP for Chemistry, it is advisable for me to take up the special elective.

Do you ever feel bad that just because of a mere 2 hours right smack in the middle of the day and of my internship time, I can't do anything else for the rest of my three days except to mug and sleep? Do you feel bad that I can't do something that would benefit me in the future just because of a mere 2 hours? Do you feel bad that just because of a mere 2 hours, everything is screwed up?

Just because of the stupid awkwardly placed 2 hours, everything is impossible now.

So why can't you just put the 3 hours of chemistry together and make life easier for all of us? Okay, maybe because of teacher's schedule. Well, at least for once consider those that are taking only one elective! Not only for chemistry, but for other subjects as well.

Secondly, I know that you are now going to let me arrange a makeup session for lost time. My teacher already emailed me before you did, so there is no need for you to come email me again to remind me of the horrible truth of your decision. You can't just stab someone and hope that they'll live to love you. Maybe it's possible but it doesn't work with me, I'm sorry. You want to kill me, do so clean and swift. Email me again if you change your mind, not remind me of whatever similar decision.

I am now trying extremely hard to get my internship, no matter what. And rest assured that I will credit my added effort to you. And if I don't get it, please in your heart remember that it is all your fault. Yes, your fault just for the 2 hours. See? I told you it's all the two hours. Now even the blame's yours because of it.

Have a nice day, and do not email me again unless you change your mind.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S: It is all YOUR fault.

P.P.S: Remember that.

I can so cry right now.

Now I have to make a choice between being more stable at chemistry, and pursuing my interest in Biology. Great, just great. Just because two people are too selfish to make a little leeway. Doesn't mean I cannot learn just because I don't go for actual lesson, right?

I can freaking do all your assignments and whatever shit for you, even if I don't go for your lessons alright?

So thank you so much for forcing me to make such a decision.

Now I'm angry.

I went back to school today as I was not on LOA, even though I went to Malaysia for holiday. Lol!

Theodore and I were the first people in 03 to arrive at school. Then there were some admin stuff to do, which was sort of boring. I ate bread in class, and after that I realized that Mr. Bernard used to say something like he was going to give us yellow paper (demerit form) is he caught us eating in class. I think he not so mean on first day. Phew.

After that there was a short break before Chemistry special module started. And the module only lasted for an hour. Teacher was good enough la. But darn it man, tomorrow there's like 2 hours in the afternoon!

And I wanna do internship @ NUS Marine Bio Lab real bad. I really really want….

So I gotta die die rearrange my timings.

ZZZ.

I'm generally happier nowadays. Yep. Or maybe for the past almost 48 hours.

Talking.

Just talking.

I think it's scary how my Dad is on Facebook now.

I absolutely refuse to add him as a friend. When he first started he kept asking me about my account.

Dad: "Where's your account on Facebook?"
Me: "I'm not going to add you."
Dad: "Tell me leh… I want to see…"
Me: "Cassandra Kiara Ng. And I am NOT going to add you."
Dad: "I also dun wanna add you."

-_-

Then there was this once I was complaining to Mum about how someone kept buying my human pet away from me, and also about my MouseHunt traps not getting any mice for me… That was when he found out about games/apps on Facebook.

Somehow he found Bejeweled Blitz and is totally addicted to it like some geek.

He's been playing the game non-stop for like 3 hours or so. DIAOZ. And just in case you don't know, each Bejeweled Blitz game lasts 1 minute.

I can't believe it la…

And the funny thing is that he selectively adds people, and kept asking me to read the pictures for confirmation that he isn't a robot. Until I got SO frustrated!!! I made him go confirm his account -_-

Anyway something awesome happened today!

I found Sze Toh Zheng Jie! Whee hee hee~

The kindergarten kids are coming back together!

Sorta unbelievable and so totally cool at the same time.

I am too freaking lazy to tell you people about the Tioman trip, so please, if you want to know the general flow of events, go to Angela's blog. Also, her facebook photos have a good collection of photos from our trip. Thankyouverymuch.

I am getting pissed with life. Things always screw up, no matter how hard I try to imagine and hope and pray that they don't. Even if I'm optimistic, it's so bloody obvious that things just fail, that they screw up and never ever go my way. No matter how you look at things, it's still a screw up that I'm still unable to have any progress with one of my best friends. It's still a screw up when you see me working a few times harder than some people to get what I want, and in the end I don't get anything. It's still a screw up when you really give it your all and people say that you just suck.

It is definitely still a screw up that I loved someone who didn't exactly love me. Still a screw up that I gave up so much for that kind of love.

My childhood was a screw up thanks to one Primary school teacher who never realized her simple actions hurt a young soul, and put the poor child through so much misery throughout her entire primary school life. Secondary school screwed up because I wasn't popular. What kind of shit reason is that?

And then when things started to look up in my new school, big screw ups like those happen just to make me love and hate my life.

And yea it is good when people confide in you and turn to you for advice. It shows that they trust your judgment enough and all. But what if they get so obsessed with asking for your help that they just ignore you when you require help from them?

And sometimes it just hurts when you're trying so hard to be successful in something, and then they come to you to evaluate their success in the same area. Like how I am now struggling to show someone that I am trustable and that I care, and then my friend just comes and asks me to read their chatlogs. Just so I can see that someone they like… likes them back or something. It's just so screwed up.

And there is also someone who used to come to chat with me, asking me for tips on how to make his girlfriend love him back. And the best part here is that I'm his ex-gf, and he is asking me about his new gf (who also broke up with him). Yea, thanks I feel oh-so-good telling you how to love your NEW girlfriend. YEAH RIGHT. It freaking hurts my feelings.

I am so sick of trying to drift along to stuff like that.

I am also so sick of not being able to push for what I really want. Sick of luck not even being on my side. Sick of always having to work so much harder for something that everyone else can obtain at a snap of the fingers.

Things should just freaking go my way sometimes. Just give me a chance to be happy can?

Wahlau.

I'm back from Tioman trip, like finally! But I shall blog about that next time. For now I shall rant, rant, and rant about people.

I hope it won't be blatantly obvious. Just assume that it's general stuff la huh.

What's with people waiting for others to get somewhere in life?! Like if you can reach somewhere in life, a point where you have a chance to be in NOW. Just because your friend or what got no such opportunity, or is too blur or whatever, it doesn't mean that just coz of that then you say "ohcozmyfrensayssomethingthenigottadoitlikehedoes." That is just freaking retarded. Like if you have a chance to go overseas fully sponsored or something like that, and then your friend doesn't and says something like "Well, I don't really expect to go overseas now anyway." And then you decided to give up on your once in a lifetime chance just because your friend doesn't expect to go overseas. So you'd rather spend time scringing and saving for a trip that could be fully sponsored? SHEESH LAH! Annoying annoying annoying!

And I also don't understand how some people who can obviously see what's going on, know what's going on, and still manage to do things that screw stuff up for the another person. People are freaking trying damn hard to achieve something, and there you are, going around without a care of trodding on others' toes. Those people are like those things that make your efforts double to get to the same destination. But the point here is that what if people are running out of time and require as much efficacy as possible? Are you going to put your butt in and make people screw up and never reach their goals? SHEESH LAH! Just have some common sense can? Just coz stuff are going well for you doesn't mean that other people's lives are going that well. Just because stuff for you are easily obtainable, it doesn't mean stuff for others are as easily obtainable. Some things require that much more luck and more specific circumstances, and just please stop screwing things up for others can?

Wahlau.

A small post about the trip here first before I forget my feelings and all.

Obviously there were various (many) occasions during the trip that I was totally pissed, frustrated, and angry. Maybe sad as well.

Could totally get them under control. Managed to bury them deep enough for the moment because I know one day I will have to take them back up. I guess now is the time to feel the impact of all those buried emotions, every single one of them. Drain their power on myself so I won't hurt anyone; I'd rather be the one feeling the pain.

I still remember the time I couldn't take it anymore for a short while and just walked away. I just wished everything could be fine. Everything could go smoothly. So that I can regain my confidence, and be happy for real, just for once.

Then I don't have to face all that shit all by myself, because I'm shittily tired of doing that.

I'm trying not to screw up anymore, yet some people are annoying and shit enough to screw things up for me. Annoying enough to distract me from what I plan to do.

Sigh. Damn them all.

Wah, so long never update my blog.

Every time I type my blog post, it feels like my fingers are dancing on my keyboard because it's like getting certain pent up emotions out of myself. So… what have I been doing?

I went to watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past with Angela and Weicheng, and Daniel. Daniel and I went out because we had to get presents and they were quite last minute. I ended up buying a nice present for someone, and he bought soft toys for a variety of people. Which includes a penguin for Zhongming. He couldn't find any zebras.

Yay my hair is growing longer! *pats hair*

Tioman in a couple days… *bounces* can't wait. I don't think I'm bringing my laptop though. Haiz.

I think I'm much motivated again. Ups and downs. Bothersome.

Happy Father's day~

Yesterday was my neighbour's birthday, as in 16 June. I was going to go down to get lunch when my neighbors dragged me into their house and told me to have my lunch there. So I thanked them profusely and had my lunch at their place.

Oh, and the birthday boy is Eric, the kid. He's such a soccer fan can? And I found out he has an Xbox 360 too! Can you believe that? Like omg…

Trying to type my essay, but am failing terribly because I find it lacks punch.

I baked cupcakes yesterday and made agar-agar today.

And played Maple too.

Today was 'lucky' enough to be on a ship to Orbis (long ride!) with a beggar. I dropped her some meso to hopefully shut her up but failed. She started to say that I was pretty, and that she has no money -_- Seriously. You like me so much, then fame me up or something!

Hallelujah.

Gotten someone off my back. Serves 'im right! Hates.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Ang~

Anyway, I spent most of my day playing Maple, and part of it watching Goong-S. Went to eat KFC with mum for dinner, and then went grocery shopping for a little bit.

I bought the Teenage magazine and guess what? Daniel Radcliffe is on the front page! Yay-ness! Too bad the poster wasn't of him, or the new upcoming Harry Potter movie… The poster was of the K-F4, and Jonas Brothers. Oh wells, I think Jonas Brothers in not bad too.

Funny thing happened during Maple today. I went to the Maple Tree Hill because the bar was going to be full, and already a group of people was waiting there. Then, there was this guy who asked us, "What's going to happen when the bar is full?" Everybody was just screwing around with him, lol, because we gave really ridiculous answers. I wrote that a boss was going to appear. Then this guy said that leaves will appear, and not to pick the golden ones. After that, everybody joined in and said that the gold ones were useless, when actually we were all aiming for the gold ones! Lol.

Omg. What a long paragraph.

I have another video idea, but that one is a little tricky. I can't film it at home, and I need hellotta props. So… I'll just see what happens.

I haven't gotten started on my work yet. So I better be doing it soon.

Oh, and I also played the guitar for a little while.

BLAH!

I have just finished the most tedious video I've ever made, but I'm not going to be releasing it until after my Tioman trip.

Some updates from Cass…

Love life?

Alright… About this matter, I'm still at a loss. I don't really know what to do, and the next thing to look forward to is the Tioman trip, and the birthday. Maybe it's the holidays. The holidays make everybody so distant, and that's how I feel right now. The only online game I'm playing right now is MapleStory, and even so, it isn't much relaxing at times.

Not because I'm quite low level and always in danger of dying. It's coz someone keeps using the buddy channel to talk to someone else. Obviously I hear what he says to another person and it isn't nice at all. Makes me annoyed sometimes. But deep down, I know that it isn't that way. It's just… how I feel, okay?

And that was what happened today! After stressing out over my video, I decided to take a break to play maple – Thinking that it would be more cheerful and all. Hell no! Whatever pisses me off happened again. Sheesh. But I continued playing anyway.

Maple

I created a Knights of Cygnus character. It's a night walker. In some ways it's better than my Cleric, coz it has more HP, however, less MP. And the MP drains really fast, so it's some meso leech coz the potions are so expensive after awhile.

Activities

I don't really have any activities nowadays. I'm aiming to finish all my work next week, before leaving for Tioman. I don't really want to do English homework because… CMON LA! Since when do we have such holiday homework wan?! I hate the English department can? Why must so extra do year-long module… then make us do crap during our hard-earned holidays… And why does the principal even allow year-long modules? This is so damn unfair leh!!

But my other works are… To finish 3 writeups for the photo contest thing, as well as to write my college application essays. Hell. So much typing to do!

My hopes

I hope that I can be happier. I hope that things will go my way more willingly, and make me happier. Much happier than I was in the past, or even now. I want a brighter future.

But you know… Nowadays I'm more able to control how I feel. Hmm,m ore of I'm aware ba. And I have methods to channel emotions somewhere else. Like, I will feel that way, but I won't act that way. Yep. Is that good or bad?

Just made a video on youtube, and I realized that I'm quite lazy to type my blog. But I shall still type it.

So I spent part of my day at East Coast Park today. But my time was spent mostly on travelling.

Successfully reached East Coast Park, and I spent some time watching the scenery, then I did a few stuff as well. I firstly wrote in my journal, then I proceeded to write a letter. I was also sms-ing, asking if anybody wanted to join me.

Since Theo stays near ECP, I obviously sms-ed him. He said that the sun was too hot, and suggested Parkway instead. So I agreed.

Spent a while more working on my letter. And then I also took a few photos, and a few videos. Tried to get inspiration for someone's gift.

After I was done I made my way back down, passing by Villa Marina.

I like that place, not only because someone stays there. The entire place is just awesome. It looks SO cool. So I hung around there for a short while.

Then Theo said he can't go out, so I left for Bedok and back to Pasir Ris.

Ate my lunch at Pasir Ris and went around trying to look for a good gift, but I couldn't find any at all.

I am so dead.

Because I have so many things I haven't do yet.

Sigh.

Today was overall disappointing, I guess. I intended to do more than just what happened today. And I sincerely hope things will get better. I obviously hope things will go my way for once. That thing can just make me happy for once….

Not like the past when everything screws up. Actually, it is still screwing up now. I'm trying very hard to do things such that they won't screw up. There's only so little I can do for myself, by myself. Sigh.

Looking forward to sweeter days.

You know what puts a smile on my face when I'm feeling unhappy?

YOUTUBE VIDEOS!

Somehow I just chance upon many cool stuff on youtube that are really funny, and then they just make me laugh! Haha.

But I'm blogging here actually because I was reflecting upon a certain matter that did not happen to me, but happened to someone else.

Breakups.

I always thought that it was something that was very bad, and I still think that way. It is a very serious matter… And I don't really think it should be considered easily. To me, it is a very major decision and it actually is an option when there are really, confirmed, to have no other option.

Like suicide.

To her:

You gave two reasons, one more reasonable than the other. I shall let the unreasonable one pass. Even then, yes that was a reasonable reason, but not now because you never discussed said problem. Your other reason was more reasonable, that you don't love him. Fine, that might happen, but is a breakup really necessary for that? I hope you've realized how much effort and all you've placed into the relationship. Are you willing to give it all up?

Do you really not love him, or is it what you think? Do not make such excuses. If you're unhappy with something, so be it. You can be displeased with someone's actions but still love him. Are you telling yourself that you do not love him because he did something you found annoying?

To him:

I have no comments. I will only say here that you have made a sound decision.

Yea.

With regards to my problems, I do not know what else to do except to live by the day.

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Seriously!

Everywhere I walk in Maplestory, I see people who are like so much higher level than I am. Or actually most of them are like, above level 50, some even level 90! Man, how do they ever achieve that?

I am level 40 right now, and I'm already training my ass off. Yeah, some people might want to say 'Hey, you're training at the wrong place!' Okay, maybe I am training at the wrong place, but it definitely is still a lot of work getting to such high levels!

When I see someone whose level is low, like, much lower than mine… They probably just started playing, or that isn't their main character. But WHADD?! My main character is only level 40!

They're really hardcore players who play for like 18 hours straight or something la.

Oh another thing is the cash shop. 10,000 a-cash costs $10.70 (according to Theo), that's like so expensive can?! Not only that, the items in their cash shop expire after awhile, and they cost a lot! Changing a hair style in maple almost costs 10,00 a-cash! Well, at least the change is forever.

Theo has bought like, 3 cards already. That is scary la!

On a cooler side, I got invited to a guild yesterday! Thanks yeeru! Was ring mule-ing for yeeru and friends. I feel so bad now that I charge them so much! T.T But theo say must, so… yea.

Did a little bit of research on people today. Quite interesting.

And last night I had to whip out my diary to write this whole passage about my passions, until I got really sleepy. This is all because I needed to relief a little of the ***centric-ness in me. I just kept writing and writing.

Poor Cass!

I am going to write the same old thing again: I wished my life was better!

And I do indeed wished my life isn't as screwed up. Childhood was screwed up (though not as badly as those who had family problems then), but yes, as a person the experiences whacked me really hard. I still remember the pain of it all.

And perhaps that is why I am so numb right now. And so scared of doing things sometimes.

I feel like my parents are hindering me from life's greatest opportunities.

Mum first, then. She doesn't know anything about the world and its trends, but she knows the news well. The thing about the news she remembers the best is news about people dying, or people getting pregnant, and those negative stuff. Then she comes and tells me, all the time, about these cases, which she then bans me from doing, or anything related to them. She totally dislikes me going out, or making new friends (I'm supposed to report everyone I know who are not in my school, so I gave up on making outside friends). And she speaks as if every single horrible bad thing will happen 99% of the time! Like, what?! There are so many things going on out there, and if one goes wrong, everything else is wrong then?

Then there's Dad too. He slapped me once and I never quite loved him the same. I don't really trust him anymore. He's such a slacker at home, not doing any chores at all, and messing up the house. Complains about anything wrong. Last time he used to nag at me for every single thing, and criticizing every single thing I eat. And now, he eats and eats junk food, sweet stuff, soft drinks, and he snaps at us if we remind him he is eating unhealthily. I got so pissed yesterday because he said that when I have long hair I look like a fish that is going to die very soon, that I'm lifeless, that I'm going to die but I'm not dying. SCREW OFF! You may be my Dad, but I have feelings too okay! You so unhappy with me then go get another girl to call you own. Oh, and Dad knows almost nothing about trends and the outside world.

He doesn't even know how to wear stuff decently. And when we eat at a restaurant (not those posh ones, I'll be ashamed.), he wears shorts and slippers. Like, wth? I wear something more decent already and I think I'm underdressed, and he can just stroll into the restaurant wearing shorts and slippers?! I think I shall faint.

And that is why I never dress up nicely. Well, my mum forces stuff on me and claim that I look good in certain stuff. But to be honest, I look at myself in the mirror and think 'Yea, by auntie standards.'

I want to break free of this annoying cycle, you know!!!

Waiting for me love~

I am ring muling on Maple now so I shall take the opportunity to update my blog. Well, it's quite frustrating to level up, because it's just so difficult. And I wanna be high level like most of the others and all.

I did nothing much today except to train and mule and talk to people. I don't really train with other people, although I know I should. I keep running out of inventory slots.

Anyway, quite boring sometimes when there're no friends online, or when they're playing with their own buddies.

Reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Going to watch movie soon this week. Probably Star Trek because people say it's nice and I haven't watched it.

Sometimes I really want to set my life straight. Not like it's very crooked now or what, I just feel that there is so much more I can do about it to make it so much better. Like, really make more friends, learn more about the world (and probably dress up better), or pick up a skill and stick to it so it becomes a talent of mine.

Problem is, my parents don't really want to spend too much all the time. They want me to achieve great stuff with as little money or outside help as possible (since outside help requires money), and sometimes, even as great as what people achieve with outside help.

They are unwilling to put in the financial portion of it, yet want fantastic results.

Probably with the amount they saved they could use it for my college if I go overseas.

I hope they are willing to spend now since if they don't I'm going to be so pissed off. I want my life to be a quality life, and you must sacrifice something if you really want things to be better. Haizz.

And I really want to make a video, but I don't have any ideas. Also, I cut my hair and a video would look damn freaking weird. HAIZ.

Okay, I shall put in effort to update the blog, lol.

SAT was sort of fun, but the many sections make it so tiring. But generally, yea! It was fun.

I am looking forward to Tioman, but at the same time really nervous about it because I don't really have any set plans or anything. Oh, I should really think of group activities and games, and also some mass games on the bus?

I wants my hair to grow back long. I can't twirl it anymore!

Also, I finally decided to open my iDog. It's sorta cute, although it does almost nothing except to play music and annoy me with its constant unchanging moods. It was on offer so I decided to get one.

Maple is fun doing a lot of quests. I hope I get to level 40 today.

The sad thing is, I still don't get a good answer sometimes from some people, or person. On one hand I really want to know, but on the other, I don't really want to know. Sometimes knowing too much makes certain things difficult to do because then lines are drawn so distinctively. Sigh. Any ideas?

Zzz… Don't anybody wished their lives were better? Or feel that their lives can be better than what they are now? Well, Cass does.

And working hard for it.

And thanks everyone for tagging on my tagboard! It seems well now =)

I am nervous about tomorrow. And I cut my hair today so it is super the short now. Sigh.

Been playing Maple a lot these few days. And the leveling is more fun now I think, coz I'm not too sick of it yet.

But just that sometimes it just annoys me how some people talk ingame.

I think only a few people know what I'm talking about there.

Makes me angry.

But sigh. What to do. Chillax? SIGH.

OK forget that, I'm breaking down for a little while.

Yes, because I now know what I really want. Read my past blog post, I guess was just trying to find something to take my mind off certain matters? I however returned with being reminded how badly I wanted stuff. How much I desired certain stuff.

I guess after what happened, I have been continuously telling myself that I will never get it. So much so that I have buried it so deep within myself, I tend to forget what really makes me happy. And what it is that I desire.

Reading those posts just made me realize that: Hey Cassie, you know you want something, and you've got to work for it. You know you desire something, and only that would truly make you happy.

Can I, really?

Will I ever get what I want?

Love?

I pray that I do.

I just want to be able to rest after so long.

What if you just can't take it anymore? What if you just did what you've been planning to at a wrong time?

The result, a screw up.

But I've been screwing up my whole life, another screw up doesn't really matter to me that much. I've lost so many things that losing another doesn't seem like a huge loss anymore. And no matter what happens, I will not cry.

Because I'm not weak. I refuse to cry just because my heart tells me to. What is there to be afraid of when I'm born with a skull so hard, and with corners that will hurt stuff more than they hurt me?

And because I will not give up. Even with a heavy load on my back, I will never stop trying to stand up.

Cass will be like that until the day someone comes to hold her, and tells her that she doesn't need to try so hard anymore.

So perhaps, I will lack the ability to feel sadness anymore. Isn't that good?

Anyway, we had a great time playing Rockband today. We finally got to complete the curse 58 song set, and Gel managed to take a lot of photos. With it I put some interesting captions. Facebook!

One thing I really hated about my childhood was how once my form teacher wrote a note of complaint to my parents, about me being inattentive in class. Thanks to her, I knew I was going to get caned when I get home. What I hated most about that event was how she still had the guts to come up to me and ask if I was alright. You don't do something that will most definitely hurt someone, and then ask them if it was alright. Yes, and because of her, my Dad slapped me and I never loved him quite the same again.

And what I dislike about it right now is that it being done again, to me. This time it's a different person and a whole different set of circumstances.

And I'm really writing this right now because I'm faced with mixed emotions.

I just want things not to screw up for once, and when I place my trust in something it just gets destroyed, again and again. I don't even know why I still dare to trust.

Taking a step into the darkness.

Sometimes, I wished I could stay in there and never come back. Why put me in this world of light when I can never be truly happy? Even when I try to embrace this light, eventually it just kills me from inside out.

Yea, I think I will allow myself to be sad for awhile. I trust that he won't venture in here. Because inside, I'm dying.