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Stand up.
I know why my previous post is so sadd! That post was post no. 444~!
Woohoo, this thing is so old now I am so proud of myself for keeping it alive. I used to change addresses everytime I felt I needed a change. But now, I find myself staying strong. To be brave to fact the past, let myself know it is there, but move on anyway.

So I got rejected from SCMC. No big deal. Did I try? Yes. Did I fail? Yes. And am I standing up still? YES.

Am I going to try again? Yes. No big deal if I fail. I tried my best and that is what matters.

Disappointment now is a small price to pay for the regret I am going to feel next time. How I didn't fight hard enough for what I want.

Cass is a strong girl. Whose limits are set by herself (and the laws of physics). I am going to stand up after every fall. For those who have helped me stand up again, thank you all very much for your love.

I hear an awesome song by DaveDays today. It's called 'Olive You'. And it somehow describes how I feel recently. I like the concept of Olive you. Say it a few times, and it really sounds like another phrase. And that is the whole point of the song. It is about getting those words out.

Olive you.

Olive you, senpai. Getit? =)

Today was another day of waste. Time and money. I wished I could do something more with my time. Instead of travelling to and fro Sengkang and PGP. I somehow feel like I have already wasted time travelling since 4 years ago. I always don't feel like doing work at home.

Anyway talking about cheer. I'm feeling a little stressed regarding that. Nothing about the time of the CCA. Just that they are proceeding too damn fast, and I always feel like I can't do it. My ankle is hurt and I push myself on because everyone is going so fast. If I miss just one day, I miss so much.

I don't want to be pulling the team down. Yet with my ankle, I can't. If I skip, I lag. If I don't, my ankle takes a freaking long time to heal. Don't know what to do, so stressed.

it's 11:50 PM now on Saturday, August 28, 2010



Why
I was wearing a mask for the entire second half of the day today. I may seem smiley, cheery, and optimistic.

Yet I am utterly disappointed. For once in quite some time, I didn't put in my best effort today. The interview sucked. The questions couldn't register. I didn't know what to answer. I obviously screwed up. For something I want to do, I seriously screwed up.

All I could tell myself is that what's done is done. I tell others that if they want me, then want.. Don't want then don't want. But that's not what's running through my mind. If they didn't want me, I deserve it, seriously... But there's no use thinking about stuff right now because I can say that I can't make it. For the simple reason that I didn't try my best.

(Pardon my next sentence.)
F*** that. I didn't make it. It doesn't matter. I deserve it.
As I always believed, leadership and me don't go together. I don't get a title for myself. I just lead by being who I am. This is the last straw. I do not need a freaking title.

Thanks for all the love, people. I've let you down. I'm sorry.

Now cheer is threatening me. I saw how stressful it was today. I just had this feeling I can't make it.

I can't make it for anything.

I just feel like having someone yell at me right now.

it's 6:49 AM now on Thursday, August 26, 2010



Bored out
Currently slacking at th sci club room. The reason is... I woke up at
abt 830, then went to uhc for my burn. The ppl there just dressed the
wound and told me to leave it on for 3 days. Btw, the chlorhexidine
wash stung like omgwthpainpain. But still, tolerable. :p I also bought
Avamys from there and wow super reasonable price!!

Was advised to rest my foot, but I dunno man... Wun it be bad
impression for cheer if I report sick on the first few practice
sessions?

Damn. I am so bored. Didn't bring any materials. Nothing even to
doodle on. Currently with snr Sean. If it wasn't for him I wun dare to
step in the sci club room lor.

Okay man, signing off. This is draining my iPhone batt. See ya around,
dear readers! :)


it's 1:35 PM now on Wednesday, August 25, 2010



Supposed to be on facebook, but nvm
RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to copy-paste this note, and answer all the questions. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged - including the person who tagged you.

ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: Yes.
B - BIRTHDAY: Sept 11, 1991... Remember la.
C - CRUSHING ON: wah. Awkward question. If you wanna know then u ask me personally.
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Apart from water, Koi milk tea.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Nobody, I don't find anyone easiest to talk to.
F - FAVORITE SONG: I'm Yours?
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears.
H - HOMETOWN: Singapore. Ang Mo Kio, I guess.
I - IN LOVE WITH: I don't have a boyfriend. But for non-human, I say... Domo-kun!
J - JUGGLE: Two only.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: I killed someone in Ragnarok Online PvP.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: To Malaysia lorh.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Lactose intolerant, I dun really go for milkshakes.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: none
O - ONE WISH: one of the many wishes is to find someone who loves me. More specifically, a guy.
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Crystalyn?
R- REASON TO SMILE: I helped raise funds for Project Angel today, together with my sp.
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Crush by David Archuleta
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 10am
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: Purple.
V - VEGETABLE(S): are healthy.
W - WORST HABIT: Worrying too much.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: 3. Head for a bad fall as a kid, hip for any dislocation, and chest for NUS
Y – YOYOS ARE: boring.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: virgo/goat.

Random Questions About You:
Spell your name without vowels: cssndr ng
What color do you wear most?: Black or Yellow.
What are you listening to?: Breathe by Faith Hill
Are you happy with your life right now?: Sort of?
What is your favorite class in school?: GEM1003- Intro to theatre and drama
When do you start back at school/college?: started.
Are you outgoing?: yea, unless the person is someone fierce.
Favorite pair of shoes?: the little one with the little ribbon on it
Where do you wish you were right now?: beside the person I love.

THE CANS:
Can you dance?: if u teach me.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: dun think so.
Can you whistle?: yep.
Write with both hands?: write, can... ugly only lorh.
Walk with your toes curled?: yep, i do that when the floor is dirty.

THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: very faraway ones, yes.
Do you believe in miracles?: yes.
Do you believe in magic?: it's all an illusion.
Love at first sight?: maybe.
Do you believe in Satan?: Satan = evil. But I dun listen to him.
Do you believe in Santa?: I used to, until my Dad started denying all the time he didnt buy it.
Do you know how to swim?: yes.
Do you like roller coasters?: Yea.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: gawd no.

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: yep!
Have you ever asked someone out?: yea.
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: yes.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Guess so?
Have you ever painted your nails?: yea.

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: dunno, dun care.
What radio station do you listen to?: 913.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Forgot.
What was the last thing you bought?: dinner.
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: NDP?

THE WHOS:
Who was the last person you IM'd?: Dryads + Eugene.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: myself!
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Dun know.

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yarhh.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yarhh.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: nope.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Ya.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: No.
Do certain songs make you cry?: When it perfectly describes me emo mood.

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: Generally, yea. After closer examination, not all the time.
What can make you happy?: Friends that care.
Do you wish you were happier?: Yep.
Can music make you happy?: Depends.

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: Once.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Not really.

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: Dark brown, natural.
Current piercings?: Ears.
Have any tattoos?: Nope.
Eye color?: Very dark brown.

IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: No preference.
Short or long hair: Doesn't matter, it just has to suit them.
Height: At least my height.
Best clothing: Something comfortable to them.

HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: Nope.
Mooned someone: No.
Laughed so hard you cried: Yea.
Cried in school: Yep.
Thrown up in a store: Cant remember any.
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: Yea. Falling down twice this year.
Gone skinny dipping: Nope.

THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: McD coz it's cheaper.
Single or Group Dates: Doesn't matter as long as it's a date.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Sorbet.
Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries.
Meat or Veggies: Balance.
TV or Movie: Movies.
Guitar or Drums?: Guitar.
Adidas or Nike: Nike.
Chinese or Mexican: Chinese.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn flakes.
Cake or Pie: Cake.
MTV or VH1: No idea.

it's 11:19 PM now on Wednesday, August 18, 2010



Blogging in school
Hanging out with Alvin, HoLun, Jacqueline, Simon, and Shuhadah. Waiting for 2900 to start, at 4pm.

Anyway today was quite a long day, started with Practical session for Theatre and Drama.

It was quite a fun session. Crystalyn and I couldn't find the venue, so were late although we were around there at the correct time. Walked one whole big round before we went to the general office of FASS. Then we were told it was somewhere... it was near LT13, where we started.

The tcher was quite fierce, but then was quite fun later on. Basically just doing exercises and playing games for the entire 2 hours.

After that had to rush back to FoS for biochem lecture. Met Caitlin. The lecture was really boring, almost all we learnt before, and only littletiny bits inbetween that seemed new.

Then, had lunch with people. Went to get my Koi milk tea. I actually finished the whole cup omg.

So here I am now. slacking.

Having minor stomach pains, all for the good of charity. But no worries, it will pass soon.

I hope I get into cheerleading... Ytd was cheerleading tryout. Can't fly as well coz I have always been basing for people.

it's 2:57 PM now on Tuesday, August 17, 2010



School really started
It has only been like, the third day and it feels like school's started for a long time! Like, there is a tutorial to do. I've completed it till the 2nd last question because I began to be very unsure of myself, so I stopped.

Anyway tomorrow is Night Rider day so I will sleep well during the day, and become nocturnal for tomorrow. Yay. Must remember to bring my snr cardies.

Bah, things have been average I guess. Apart from school, I mean. But I have to mention, Theatre and Drama seems to be an interesting module. Now, I gotta think that way for 2900 too...

Ok, apart from school life, there's still the social life, right? ^-^

So far, my SP and I are still talking la. So I will say a big thank you to Angel for being so patient, and also being so friendly! How many of you still talk to your SP, huh huh huh?
=P

Although, we're just good friends la. I don't see our SP friendship going anywhere else as of now. He's single, but nobody will know if he's available or not. What does evergreen really mean, does it mean, never been in a relationship and available, or wad?

Coz green means single and available. So what about ever-green?! If someone hasn't been in a relationship, and is not available, do they say ever-green, or amber?

Seriously...

Sorry la, I perfectionist until need to get things defined properly, cannot meh?!

In any case, I'm green, and not setting my sights la. Just get to know more friends, get to know current friends better. And then see where fate brings these friendships lorh!

Happy ok liao!

it's 8:48 PM now on Thursday, August 12, 2010



What is this?
So far, I've fallen down two times.

Grats, Cassie... This is your year for falling down.

Anyways, school started. Yeah, nothing much to blog about. Except that 2900 is quite a boring module as of now.

I am... confused, and floating along with the wind. I don't even know where I'm going, and I'm doing what I feel like doing.

Somehow, I feel that this is my year for change. And that everything bad will be gone, and the good will come to me. It is that moment. Or is it? Is it only what I want to feel and not real?

In any case, I do hope that after years of having nightmares, the next will be a sweet dream.

it's 8:49 PM now on Tuesday, August 10, 2010



I lose face!
Today was part 2 of Orientation. Also, I passed my Final Theory Test for driving, so yay me~
Bought chocolates for my OG (and my SP).

Anyway today was performance day, so Sylvans actually put up quite a good performance. I was the sun for Teletubbies, and so I was smiling retardedly the whole time I was on stage. Thanks to Kangwei and Nicholas for lifting me, haha! I bet my SP was laughing.

After that we had our night games. Quite disgusting. Got tired really fast.

Then came the reason for me losing my face.

I was half asleep, not looking where I was going... Then hah! I saw my SP, so I said hi and waved. Just as I waved, I missed a step and fell. SHIT!#$%^$%^$#%

No face edi la.. T-T

it's 11:41 PM now on Thursday, August 5, 2010



Talking about Tioman
I'm talking about the Tioman Trip we had last year, where there were no teachers involved.

So... that 4D3N Tioman trip is one of my most major project so far that I have planned. I mean, well, not say planned... but got everything in order.

Getting people to attend was difficult. Some people wanted, but I can't have too many people. And then people who wanted, then didn't want to at the end... Some people in the lvl were pissed coz of closed invitations only... And then we had to settle rooming issues...

To top it off, we didn't have any teachers coming along.

Eventually, stuff were settled. And we had fun, no?

Things got really crazy when we received the stuff that we cancelled off to fit our budget. We received an additional lunch, and the boating trip.

Boating trip was unexpected. Held a vote to see how many people wanted the trip. Eventually we went for it. The best thing about that is that since we booked as a group, we had a whole boat to ourselves. We saw the other boat packed with people, and we laughed.

Also, there was a storm! We actually snorkelled in the storm OMG. We even saw a water sprout in the distance. But everybody was fine =)

Another interesting point was Theo's birthday. He were hoping he wouldn't fall asleep before 12am, but he did anyway. So we woke him up for a surprise. Everyone was in the room singing happy birthday and watching the video a few people helped to make. Mao and Roy gave him a toffee for his birthday, haha!

Then Rad, Gel, and I went out to get him some cocktails for his 18th birthday since he sorta likes alcohol and he can drink it legally xD

Ahh... those memories. I would do it again lar, but so tough now. Very tiring to plan actually. But worth it when you see the smiles on people's faces. Like they really want to be part of it.

And that is when you know everything is well.

it's 11:29 AM now on Wednesday, August 4, 2010



Orientation, oh orientation
So lots of stuff has happened.


Orientation day 3 was hmm... crazy. That day was amazing race day, and it's one of the toughest amazing races I've experienced so far. There were 8 zones, and we only managed to complete 3. Coz each zone has various stations. The school one was crazy, just coz we had to wait super long for the buses. And even if they came, it would be packed to the max.


So after a long school zone, we went to Orchard. That was a roadblock! So we didn't get points for that zone. There was free ice cream, so I guess that made up for it. First station there was broken charades. It was 'car accident'. But they couldn't guess. So Gavan had to have his hair gelled. Shu did the gelling, and then Gavan commented, "Now I look like the Space director." LOLS!

After that was some Sony station. And the ice cream station. When it was done, it was sorta late, so we just bought Macs, sat there, and ate for a really long time. While cracking jokes, brainy lame stuff, and celebrated Qin Lei's birthday.

We still managed to get back to Harboufront for another zone/station! And bypassed Lavander.

Oh yes, we had Secret Pals revelation that day. But it wasn't very special for me and King Angel since we already know our identities. Nevertheless, he did talk more that day so it was reassuring that I wasn't a lousy person to him.

Tired.

Day 4 was the sentosa games. Really fun. But really icky as well. Got burnt like pancakes after that. War games was screwed. The other 3 houses ganged up against us the Sylvans!!! But fortunately, we had extra help for the Orientation committee. Made us feel so proud. Overall I think Sylvans are the most bonded, and most able to listen well, do well, and do it confidently.

Sylvans rock!

I waved to my SP that day. (:

After Sentosa, was back home for Sunday.

Then come Monday, was Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony. Mum and Dad drove down so I could check into PGPR. Was kind of a rush, but managed to make it on time for everything. FIC was sorta boring, but impt, I guess. Took photos after the ceremony.

After the ceremony, we went to IMM for dinner at Fish & Co. Billy knows palm reading OMG... Anyway we took a lot of photos there. Headed back to PGP.

There was some drama as I couldn't connect to internet in my room. Turns out my wireless was buggy on startup. -_- False alarm. Always have com problems the first day. Suay.

Anyway, then came today. FLAG day. OMG it was so tough! People didn't want to donate! To make things worse, other faculty people keep flanking us and then we were sandwhiched in the middle and had no people to donate.

BTW, I woke up at 4.30am today to make it to Tampines by 6.40am. I then spent $9 cabbing from PGP to Buona Vista MRT by booking.

WTH.

Next time right, just donate la! 10cents also sua la! Doesnt matter, it's the thought that counts! And the sticker too.

Tired.

it's 10:15 PM now on Tuesday, August 3, 2010



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