A junior telling me to grow up? Fate really has a hobby of screwing my life up. Yes I understand that I can't please everybody, but what greater insult can there be? Despite my faith and trust that this dude would one day start to respect me as a person, after like, damn, 3 years, he is still one that thinks he's greater than me.

Let me tell you now that I am sick of this. And I never want to talk to you ever again. I'm sorry but there is no friend I have that disrespects me the way you do. You and your disgusting behavior is what I never want to experience again.

Not only that, a friend who never saw me as one. Damn fate. Going away without saying goodbye, and returning without saying hi. You are really regarding me as a disposal piece of thing, and I do not appreciate that.

A few things I pride myself upon, is that I have a reason for doing whatever I do, and that I am constantly aware of myself and my emotions. I rarely lose myself at the spur of the moment, and those times I do, I am aware. I am also a keen observer. I calculate my every move, and every single possible scenario plays out in my head whenever there is a choice I have to make.

But fate, you always come and screw things up. I don't think there's a problem with my estimation. But when I calculate a 99% success rate, you always come and give me that 1%. What's your problem? Can you go play with other people? Seriously!

In life, we can't always get things we want. But it's another matter if we always don't get the things we want. What my life taught me so far, is that this world is a lonely one. It doesn't help that there are people in my life who can't even see me as a person. That luck is not important is bullshit. When you realize that you never get lucky, not once. Especially when you needed just that small bit to accomplish what you've saved up for. That being accountable to someone else is what one needs to survive. If I were only accountable to myself, I would have stopped living a long time ago.

And to be quite honest, I am really disappointed with my life as it is right now. Where there is laughter, I know that an equal amount of upset or more is going to appear. When you realize that you can never do anything well.

At the small corner of the world, I curl myself up to protect myself from hurt. Probably because I can't take it anymore. I just want to stay there and do nothing, because I don't want to see how ugly everything will turn out to be. If I did nothing, if I just stayed, I would have enjoyed one more moment of peace.

Today, was pretty unproductive. Well, I did study, but not ALOT. Like I usually do. Wow, pretty intense. The stuff at home tempted me to drop and play, which I'm so glad I did.

So today, I slept till like, 11. After which Mum and I went to Rivervale Plaza for some food and grocery. One thing I like about the plaza, they have this shop that sells all sorts of cute stuff, and it changes every now and then. Today, I bought a chalkboard, and two highlighters. Didn't take a photo of the chalkboard, but the reason why I bought the highlighters....

Bunnies! They were TOO cute not to buy. I would have bought the entire series, but it was sorta pricey, so I bought the two colors that I would use more often.

After that, went to eat at Macs, where as usual, didn't get any winning game pieces. I kinda got a little annoyed when my mum got the Green Tea for me instead of the Ice Lemon Tea. But oh wells, it's alright.

Went grocery shopping after our meal. She complained about people taking so long to choose their meat, and in the end, she took quite some time to choose the meat too. -_-"

Walking home, I took some pictures using my compact. So yea... I figured, it's nice to appreciate my surroundings once in awhile. I really love where I stay, and therefore, shall take some photos of it. They can be found on my facebook albums. =)

Studied for a little when I got home, then played the piano. Skills were still there. But still stuck at the first page for Maple Leaf Rag. Downloaded 100 Years for playing. It isn't as easy as it seems. =/

Also, played Rockband on my Xbox360. Damn waste of time, but it was a good stress reliever. Guitar this time. Drums next time!

Haha~

Study was on Molecular Genetics today. Just going through the textbook. But I think the textbook is everything, so there's no real need for pdf notes ya? Sighs, exams end in about... 9 more days. I'm looking forward to it.

YEP!

Ciaoz!

I went for driving today, which was quite awesome. I realised that I drive quite fast... Which might be bad because there is a risk of kena-ing the curb (CHOY! TOUCHWOOD!) But the instructor was quite alright with my driving, though I thought it can definitely be improved.

On the academics side, quite uneventful. Didn't get much done.. Did Organic Chem and GEM2900. Managed to do one paper for 2900, quite proud of myself. And organic chem is still a mess. Procrastinating studying the last two chapters. Ah wells.

And then, managed to play the into part for More than Words on the guitar today. Now my fingers hurt, lol. Fortunately, it's the left fingers that hurt.

Also, finally managed to contact Theo after like duno how long. He's coming back soon. Next Friday, he says. I'll still be having exams though. But hmm... I duno what else to say. What's in the past is in the past.

I finally got to learn to fly a little, and I don't think I want to lose my courage to yet again. So, I think, I'll just put the past behind me and move on.

After all, there is a purpose to life now. It does drain me a little to be thinking of a particular someone most of the time when they're not around me, but it is worth it because I know to look forward. Look forward to the next time I see them. Best of all, everything else doesn't matter when they're around.

Somehow, I wish it would work this time. No, I hope I get a chance for it to work.

My friend Leonard got me to realise I haven't been connecting with the Arts. I used to have an Arts aspect in my life and now it's almost not there! Sighs. So I'm also going to be doing arts stuff during the hols, really looking forward to it. New vlogs!

Heehee.

I actually want to start a new blog, and I want to promise myself that I will have TWO blogs. One for me to rant and the other a happier one where people don't have to read about my misery all the time. But then, who will have the time to update TWO blogs?!

Though seriously. It would be good to have another blog that is more presentable and readable by the public. The very fact that I don't disclose this blog to most of my NUS friends tells that it isn't for everyone to read.

Alrights.

I'm gonna be playing Spore until Leonard comes in. Talk to you guys soon.

And remember to care for the arts!

It isn't such a bad idea, really. Think about it! It's the end of all the miserable nonsensical lectures where we took the long route to understanding a concept - through deciphering a mysterious accent, then recalling what was said. Seriously, just read the notes or the textbook. I'm sorta glad I've gone through some of it in NUSH, at least, I had ample time in not having to decipher stuff.

Oh wells.

Looked through some photos today and realised how different I look over the years. Okay, not over the years, but over a course of a few months. Last time my hair was just weird, the fringe is just too long, partitioning my hair weirdly. Then I cut it, and I had short hair for a long while... And then now, which I find is pretty alright compared with past looks. On top of that, crap, I've gained some weight! Well, I don't consider myself socially fat yet, but I do hope I get to at least maintain this build. And not grow fatter.

And then thinking back, NUSH was really a step for me to ditch my past past and rehabilitate me so that I could stand up again and face the world. I feel so... redeemed after being in NUSH, albeit the one major issue that could have been avoided if only someone was more mature in their relationships. And then now, I think I have recovered about 90%, and is a huge change compared to the olden days where I had to expend energy to smile.

Nowadays, it just comes naturally. Which I am glad for.

Sighs.

I have no idea where I put my Tamagotchi! My mum tried to locate it during the weekend but still couldn't find it. She found the pouch I used to put it in, but the Tamagotchi is just, GONE. Shit. I hope I can find it, if not I'll be really really sad.

I become really attached to my belongings... I still remember once my tamagotchi thingy fell into the gap of the lift, and now I'm feeling a little sad. And my stupid teacher confiscated my mum's pencil which I found out is her lucky pencil...The thought of it can really guilt me even until now (the incident occurred 11 years ago.). Somehow I wished I can get it back for mum, and I really want to... Only thing is, it's just a pencil to that teacher, she would have trashed it especially since she confiscates so many stationery. And on top of that, she was the teacher who ruined my life...

So...

Sigh. Omg I'm getting emo.