15 Minutes to post this
Alright, I only have 15 minutes to write this before I shut down my computer and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be quite a scary day since in the morning I'm going to look for the scariest prof/dr in DBS. Wish me luck. I should also be prepared to receive lots of negative comments.
Haihz.
Having one of those moments where I just feel like sitting by the road and do nothing but watch the world go by. The kind of feeling where you just don't know what else to do or say, and don't know what you are. It just doesn't feel right when things happen where you just wanted and needed something yet the other person isn't caring.
I wasn't even asking for anything major.
So I went to Malaysia for CNY again as usual this year... And along the long drive there to grandma's house, I've been thinking a lot and always end up finding some pattern in my life.
Priorities.
I realize that the people that matter the most to me, or rather, those who should be... Never have the equal amount of priority as I do for them. Men, especially.
1. I may be my Dad's daughter but he'd rather spend time with his sports than spending time with me. Somehow to him I'm just some wikipedia-in-person, and whenever he needs some help with technology, summon me to do it for him.
Not only that, when he refuses to help my mum with anything at home, my mum gets pissed with me instead and I end up having to do whatever he said he'll help mum with. Some of them including maintenance work which are supposed to be a men's job.
2. Him. 'nuff said. Try as I may, there will always be something or someone more important than I am exactly, right exactly, at where I plan to meet him.
Which leaves me distraught and disappointed today. To add on, I end up feeling like some tool to the world. Makes me wonder if people do remember my presence at times when they do not need me.
If they only remember me when they need me, or when they need my entertainment, it's a really sad life to live.
I wished, sometimes, that people will stop getting angry with me for the things I don't or can't do for them. Or don't sarcastically say 'forget it' or 'never mind' to me whenever I can't do something for them, as if I owe them something.
I wished that someone would always remember me. And would be glad to come spend some time with me and talk to me to know about me as a person, rather than a tool.
And in this situation, my current one at this moment, I wished that Leonard would come for our Science Club Reunion. Not just a 'try', but a 'sure I'll be there'.
Haihz.
Having one of those moments where I just feel like sitting by the road and do nothing but watch the world go by. The kind of feeling where you just don't know what else to do or say, and don't know what you are. It just doesn't feel right when things happen where you just wanted and needed something yet the other person isn't caring.
I wasn't even asking for anything major.
So I went to Malaysia for CNY again as usual this year... And along the long drive there to grandma's house, I've been thinking a lot and always end up finding some pattern in my life.
Priorities.
I realize that the people that matter the most to me, or rather, those who should be... Never have the equal amount of priority as I do for them. Men, especially.
1. I may be my Dad's daughter but he'd rather spend time with his sports than spending time with me. Somehow to him I'm just some wikipedia-in-person, and whenever he needs some help with technology, summon me to do it for him.
Not only that, when he refuses to help my mum with anything at home, my mum gets pissed with me instead and I end up having to do whatever he said he'll help mum with. Some of them including maintenance work which are supposed to be a men's job.
2. Him. 'nuff said. Try as I may, there will always be something or someone more important than I am exactly, right exactly, at where I plan to meet him.
Which leaves me distraught and disappointed today. To add on, I end up feeling like some tool to the world. Makes me wonder if people do remember my presence at times when they do not need me.
If they only remember me when they need me, or when they need my entertainment, it's a really sad life to live.
I wished, sometimes, that people will stop getting angry with me for the things I don't or can't do for them. Or don't sarcastically say 'forget it' or 'never mind' to me whenever I can't do something for them, as if I owe them something.
I wished that someone would always remember me. And would be glad to come spend some time with me and talk to me to know about me as a person, rather than a tool.
And in this situation, my current one at this moment, I wished that Leonard would come for our Science Club Reunion. Not just a 'try', but a 'sure I'll be there'.
愤怒 Anger.
My year hasn't been good so far, and I'm not even kidding. I haven't gotten all my modules yet and am lacking one module...But something far worse than that... My money was stolen.
After Primary 6, I promised myself that I would never again pay for the mistakes of others. Never did I know that almost 10 years later, it hit me twice as hard. It took me a full day to come to a full realization of what I found out on the first day of school, that almost $370 was stolen from me.
I just couldn't believe it, and I really wanted fate to be that the money was still around somewhere waiting for me to collect. I couldn't accept that it was stolen.
$370.
This can more than pay for one level of my Korean classes. That's 13 lessons.
This is worth more than half the amount I paid for my dog.
This can pay for two months of utility bills at home.
The work I did for two weeks during the vacation can't even make up for it.
I wonder who the heartless thief is.
I worked so hard and gave so much for it, and it failed to secure this money for me. That is worth more than half of whatever I can claim, and the rest is gone.
I don't know why people have no common sense not to do the silliest of things.
Why did you remove and displace my belongings without telling me so? You ALL knew I wasn't returning until school reopened, and I wouldn't know. If it really meant so much for you to move my things, at least have the decency and common sense to inform me! You took it out of it's concealed place, onto a place for all the see. The entire contents of what I have, all open and available to the mass public who enter.
Besides, whoever said you could move it? That place, was mine, labelled and verified. It was never meant to be displaced and open for all to see.
Yet at this stage, at this point of time, none of you have truly approached me and sincerely talked to me. You all acted like it was none of your business, none of your faults. You just wanted face, and covered it like it was no big deal.
Whatever happened to family.
I can say I'm truly shocked by what has happened. Not only was I not informed, nobody had the common sense to keep it safe when they placed it at a most dangerous position. In addition, it wasn't supposed to be moved in the first place. No words can describe my disappointment.
And now, I don't even have the face to tell my parents. I don't even know what to tell them. When not a single apology was uttered to me, I couldn't apologize to my parents. I couldn't face them and tell them that my money was stolen, when I did almost nothing to cause it. I can't apologize to them when there were so many others who caused all these never even felt bad about it.
It's really upsetting me.
After Primary 6, I promised myself that I would never again pay for the mistakes of others. Never did I know that almost 10 years later, it hit me twice as hard. It took me a full day to come to a full realization of what I found out on the first day of school, that almost $370 was stolen from me.
I just couldn't believe it, and I really wanted fate to be that the money was still around somewhere waiting for me to collect. I couldn't accept that it was stolen.
$370.
This can more than pay for one level of my Korean classes. That's 13 lessons.
This is worth more than half the amount I paid for my dog.
This can pay for two months of utility bills at home.
The work I did for two weeks during the vacation can't even make up for it.
I wonder who the heartless thief is.
I worked so hard and gave so much for it, and it failed to secure this money for me. That is worth more than half of whatever I can claim, and the rest is gone.
I don't know why people have no common sense not to do the silliest of things.
Why did you remove and displace my belongings without telling me so? You ALL knew I wasn't returning until school reopened, and I wouldn't know. If it really meant so much for you to move my things, at least have the decency and common sense to inform me! You took it out of it's concealed place, onto a place for all the see. The entire contents of what I have, all open and available to the mass public who enter.
Besides, whoever said you could move it? That place, was mine, labelled and verified. It was never meant to be displaced and open for all to see.
Yet at this stage, at this point of time, none of you have truly approached me and sincerely talked to me. You all acted like it was none of your business, none of your faults. You just wanted face, and covered it like it was no big deal.
Whatever happened to family.
I can say I'm truly shocked by what has happened. Not only was I not informed, nobody had the common sense to keep it safe when they placed it at a most dangerous position. In addition, it wasn't supposed to be moved in the first place. No words can describe my disappointment.
And now, I don't even have the face to tell my parents. I don't even know what to tell them. When not a single apology was uttered to me, I couldn't apologize to my parents. I couldn't face them and tell them that my money was stolen, when I did almost nothing to cause it. I can't apologize to them when there were so many others who caused all these never even felt bad about it.
It's really upsetting me.