2 more papers to go
Right now, feeling stressed out and frustrated.
This sem's exams have not been going well at all. Though this sem I really put myself to have fun and take interest in my learning, my grades have not shown or reflected that I have actually put in the effort.
Now, this is really sad because I just start feeling that my efforts have not paid off, and I felt that even though I did learn in many ways, not only through knowledge, but applications as well, that it's not very nice for an institution to put a number of the capacity of learning for an individual.
However, this is something that we cannot change. Grades are still grades, and they are still what people out there, employers, base on to judge us as a person. I wonder if my life will be screwed up just because my grades are not good. People around me are getting good grades and stuff, and seriously, seeing them sometimes does demoralize me.
I always wanted to be someone good, capable, and yea, basically, someone trustworthy for others. Too bad my grades cannot reflect that part of me.
One day, I want to create something from my own hands. After I'm done with my science degree, as much as possible, I will stay away from Science. Unless my job requires so, I will not pursue Science any further. I will, instead go on to discover what I can do beyond turning myself into a knowledge bank about life science/biology.
Looking back on the things I learn in school, I don't see how what I learn in Science, the academic material at face value, applies to my life in the future. I am definitely not going to need to know how my cells bring nutrients in, or how to spell the name of a certain type of enzyme.
It just isn't practical at all.
Skills and things that I find essential to pick up are the soft skills. In addition, things that actually apply to real practical life. Like how to cook, how to perform, how to create. When I cook, I can feed hungry mouths. I can let people feel happy if I do it well. When I perform, sing or dance or instruments, I bring entertainment and smiles to others. When I create, I can make something that others can share and take joy in.
It is often hard to be impressed by people who can tattle on and on about enzymes and receptors.
Therefore, I know that, I will not want to be a Science worker... eventually.
I am going to live my dreams.
This sem's exams have not been going well at all. Though this sem I really put myself to have fun and take interest in my learning, my grades have not shown or reflected that I have actually put in the effort.
Now, this is really sad because I just start feeling that my efforts have not paid off, and I felt that even though I did learn in many ways, not only through knowledge, but applications as well, that it's not very nice for an institution to put a number of the capacity of learning for an individual.
However, this is something that we cannot change. Grades are still grades, and they are still what people out there, employers, base on to judge us as a person. I wonder if my life will be screwed up just because my grades are not good. People around me are getting good grades and stuff, and seriously, seeing them sometimes does demoralize me.
I always wanted to be someone good, capable, and yea, basically, someone trustworthy for others. Too bad my grades cannot reflect that part of me.
One day, I want to create something from my own hands. After I'm done with my science degree, as much as possible, I will stay away from Science. Unless my job requires so, I will not pursue Science any further. I will, instead go on to discover what I can do beyond turning myself into a knowledge bank about life science/biology.
Looking back on the things I learn in school, I don't see how what I learn in Science, the academic material at face value, applies to my life in the future. I am definitely not going to need to know how my cells bring nutrients in, or how to spell the name of a certain type of enzyme.
It just isn't practical at all.
Skills and things that I find essential to pick up are the soft skills. In addition, things that actually apply to real practical life. Like how to cook, how to perform, how to create. When I cook, I can feed hungry mouths. I can let people feel happy if I do it well. When I perform, sing or dance or instruments, I bring entertainment and smiles to others. When I create, I can make something that others can share and take joy in.
It is often hard to be impressed by people who can tattle on and on about enzymes and receptors.
Therefore, I know that, I will not want to be a Science worker... eventually.
I am going to live my dreams.
Urm...
Okay, first of all, I really don't know what to be posting, but I just felt like posting something on my blog. Seasoned readers or really good friends of mine would understand how I feel if I had such a moment. Not good, is a simple way of putting it.
Over the years, although my blog is public, I still see it as a little haven that doesn't exist physically, and that it has also become a piece of me where I dump a lot of the stresses in life over here. And that probably is why posts about happy things are really rare here.
I didn't start this blog to show the world who I am, or to tell the Internet how amazing and fantastic my life is. When I made this blog, I made it for myself and told myself that nobody is going to take it away from me. The nature of blogging has always been to show something off, but I mean, there's many ways to look at it.
At times, I say that if it hurts your eyes or your brain, then don't read it. And it does contradict the nature of blogging and having some property/space online where everything is visible, but then the reader has a choice. The reader, that is, you, always has a choice to read it or not.
By posting a disclaimer from the very start, I am telling you that what I post on here might not to be your taste and that if you feel like you would be compromised then, it's best if you don't read.
OR if I think it'll upset you if you read, then I have given you ample warning.
The reader chose to go ahead and I have done what I could.
So urm, as usual, things aren't really going too well. I especially dislike how things always don't go well during times when I need them to. Like now, when I have exams to worry about.
But it's all like, shit happens, right? And then it'll suck right? But having shit happening at all the wrong times just makes it all the more terrible to deal with.
It's becoming all about forgetting, and making excuses. Over the years I've gone strong enough to know that running away is never a solution. Even if one wants to run away, they should be doing so for a very good reason, and will be fully ready to. The strong soul faces problems, solve them, and is determined.
And that is who I am today, to be brave enough to stand my ground in the face of troubled times, to do my best to resolve things.
A strong soul, is beautiful.
Nothing about it is ugly - at all.
Over the years, although my blog is public, I still see it as a little haven that doesn't exist physically, and that it has also become a piece of me where I dump a lot of the stresses in life over here. And that probably is why posts about happy things are really rare here.
I didn't start this blog to show the world who I am, or to tell the Internet how amazing and fantastic my life is. When I made this blog, I made it for myself and told myself that nobody is going to take it away from me. The nature of blogging has always been to show something off, but I mean, there's many ways to look at it.
At times, I say that if it hurts your eyes or your brain, then don't read it. And it does contradict the nature of blogging and having some property/space online where everything is visible, but then the reader has a choice. The reader, that is, you, always has a choice to read it or not.
By posting a disclaimer from the very start, I am telling you that what I post on here might not to be your taste and that if you feel like you would be compromised then, it's best if you don't read.
OR if I think it'll upset you if you read, then I have given you ample warning.
The reader chose to go ahead and I have done what I could.
So urm, as usual, things aren't really going too well. I especially dislike how things always don't go well during times when I need them to. Like now, when I have exams to worry about.
But it's all like, shit happens, right? And then it'll suck right? But having shit happening at all the wrong times just makes it all the more terrible to deal with.
It's becoming all about forgetting, and making excuses. Over the years I've gone strong enough to know that running away is never a solution. Even if one wants to run away, they should be doing so for a very good reason, and will be fully ready to. The strong soul faces problems, solve them, and is determined.
And that is who I am today, to be brave enough to stand my ground in the face of troubled times, to do my best to resolve things.
A strong soul, is beautiful.
Nothing about it is ugly - at all.
Exams
Huhuhu~
It's that time of the semester again... A year ago, it was all really enjoyable.
As a first year, taking Uni exams for the very first time. But at that time, honestly, I couldn't get my head in the game academically. So my CAP suffered a lot.
But also, reading week was a memorable one. And during this period, I think back to a year ago at times. Often I wished things could be the same as they were a year before.
Like, having the 31st around me. The numerous stayovers in the clubroom with the people. Studying till late in the clubroom. Watching Fringe with Leonard.
Stuff like that, yeah.
Except that things aren't the same now.
Even though I do accept that things change, I still wished I had another chance to relive the 31st life.
I wished we were all still together, being happy together, unlike now where everyone is mostly scattered around. People who never return to the clubroom anymore, people who changed faculties, person who left the school entirely.
And people... change. Some even more so than others.
At times I wonder if everything was my fault. And if I were to take the blames, if everything would be better?
Things.
Only if.
And trust.
After all these, I wonder if I should just stop trusting others. It's taken quite a bit of effort and time for me to open up to the way I am now. Yet trust gets betrayed again and again.
I used to say to myself once, determined, that I will always trust others because by doing so it gives them confidence to do their very best. It gives others someone who believes in them, and I felt that it would be natural for them to treat me as a friend they'd protect.
After all, I don't know if I can do the same again.
But I have come a long way. I did gain self-confidence, and that to me is already an achievement.
It's that time of the semester again... A year ago, it was all really enjoyable.
As a first year, taking Uni exams for the very first time. But at that time, honestly, I couldn't get my head in the game academically. So my CAP suffered a lot.
But also, reading week was a memorable one. And during this period, I think back to a year ago at times. Often I wished things could be the same as they were a year before.
Like, having the 31st around me. The numerous stayovers in the clubroom with the people. Studying till late in the clubroom. Watching Fringe with Leonard.
Stuff like that, yeah.
Except that things aren't the same now.
Even though I do accept that things change, I still wished I had another chance to relive the 31st life.
I wished we were all still together, being happy together, unlike now where everyone is mostly scattered around. People who never return to the clubroom anymore, people who changed faculties, person who left the school entirely.
And people... change. Some even more so than others.
At times I wonder if everything was my fault. And if I were to take the blames, if everything would be better?
Things.
Only if.
And trust.
After all these, I wonder if I should just stop trusting others. It's taken quite a bit of effort and time for me to open up to the way I am now. Yet trust gets betrayed again and again.
I used to say to myself once, determined, that I will always trust others because by doing so it gives them confidence to do their very best. It gives others someone who believes in them, and I felt that it would be natural for them to treat me as a friend they'd protect.
After all, I don't know if I can do the same again.
But I have come a long way. I did gain self-confidence, and that to me is already an achievement.