The blues
What makes one worthy of life? What makes one... worthy of attention? How much attention does one deserve?
Why do some people get more attention, and the others get none? Why are there people who others will never offend, and others that people feel no qualms offending?
I don't know.
You know how people always say that children are always no. 1 in their parents' hearts? That isn't exactly true, because my Dad thinks that his sleep is more important than me.
Whatever.
My Dad wants me to go to school on an exam day by myself. While he can take his leave and sleep his ass in. His reason: "Boss postpone my Wednesday leave, 4 weeks never take leave already, so MUST take."
KNS, as if that is my fault.
On an exam day for goodness sake. Damn it.
Sucks to be me.
What a day.
I don't really know if it is the last day of internship today. It's sort of scary, come to think of it, for time flies so mad fast.
It's time for me to sleep soon, so I can't type my whole lot of stuff to say today.
I had this huge argument with Mum regarding Dad, and I honestly do not know what her stand is. She's speaking up for him one moment, and the next she's all against me. But mainly, she was against me.
Shall talk about this next time. Annoys me badly.
Feel like some soccerball at home right now.
My dog stank today, so I used the hidden deodorant that actually worked.
I submitted a photo of dear Ricky to UltraKawaii once, but they never used the picture. I feel so unheard right now.
My facebook status today actually had supporters.
Here it goes: Living in an unfair world does not give you the right to be unfair towards others.
Which I find true.
I always wonder why I even exist. Why do people exist if they don't have anything to be proud of? Then they're just like freaking platforms for those showoffable people to step on. But then again, if they're showoffable then they can exist on their own, why the extra people?
It isn't true that everyone has at least a talent.
Take a look at me, No talent at all, the average of all averages.
Why the hell am I decreed to exist in this disgusting world, where conmen rule and justice gets beaten up.
When you wait eagerly for something, and it never comes; when people throw the things you need away. When you want something and never get it, yet people who gets it never wants it.
What is wrong, seriously?
Crappy world. Getting more screwed by the second.
Just a Quickie
I'll just blog a quickie before I have to close the com and go off to internship.
I have a lot of things to say, mainly because there are a lot of irritating, annoying things occurring right now. Or I just happen to come across stupid people.
Which are worth a mention.
I'm tempted to open a new blog just to blog about these stupid people.
Because Singaporeans nowadays are overdosing on their Kiasu pills.
I forgot to bring my camera today. I was telling myself that I am going to snap photos of irritating people around me, doing their irritating stunts. But no, I'm not going to STOMP them, but I'll just post them somewhere maybe on like a new blog.
Anyway, life in NUS High is the wierdest thing ever. Just like what the chem teacher said yesterday, "It's quite weird." In response to her questions about the love life among the Year 6s.
To clarify matters, chemistry as in the pour this + pour that = BOOM.
Type of chemistry.
But the other type of Chemistry among the Year 6s = FAIL.
She was so shocked when we told her that two people are not together when everything on the together factor checklist is almost full. Or when she realize that there aren't many couples around, so unlike other JCs.
Come on, there are so much more girls than guys, and nothing is happening much.
Oh whatever, doesn't really matter.
2 more months, just get it over with. And I can finally see the world outside this cramped, academics-driven life I'm made to live with. Coz of school.
Not Skeleton
Blogger is not going skeleton on me, and I'm grateful for that.
Yesterday I had Astro, and it was cool. Jack brought us chocolates that only Year 6s could enjoy, and then we played a little Astro hangman, and then Mr. Tien started this long discussion about science and thoughts and a lot of other topics.
The juniors fixed the telescope a little, then we got it to focus onto Jupiter. I took a photo with my new camera, and it was really nice because I could take the 4 moons that were visible too.
Theo lost his laptop in the observatory, and we got really worried for a while, but then he made a call and realise that some goondu took it down to the Dry Lab.
Talk more about this later.
Today I woke up quite late, and that was coz I had a freaky nightmare. It is a horror story thing, where the school suddenly became severely haunted. However, the school didn't look like my school, one of those dream warped schools that makes you believe it is your school.
Basically there was a nighttime schoolwide activity, and when people started to take the lifts, the lift buttons just never show realistic storeys, but instead screwed up ones. And the lifts never bring you to the right level and you get stuck. Until you yell loud enough for someone not affected by the warp, and they come up to rescue you down.
Freaky.
Then when I was cooking noodles, I heard the song Breakaway!
Found out a little while later that it is easy to play on the guitar.
Yay me.
Okay, on to the reflective part, or the emo part, whatever.
I find that it isn't very worth it to worry so much about someone when maybe, they never worry about you. That kind of person who has little or no qualms about leaving you all by yourself while he goes on to have fun by themselves.
I think all it takes is just to say hi and ask a question about them. About how the holidays went, or something like that.
Maybe I should not hope so much. It sometimes create this false image in your mind that you assume will happen... And that is also because of your trust in that someone. Like if you trust someone to do something, and it just doesn't happen, it just sucks.
Yesterday, I talked to Zeph a lot, and told him about my past. I mean, the past that was after his presence, and the one before his reappearance.
He wasn't very happy yesterday, and had a myriad of problems then. I hope he cheers up and find trust in himself.
Zephy, don't give up!
But I think me talking about my past, and thus making him tell me about himself, actually helped him to forget his current problems for a little while. It works sometimes.
How much more must I slave to get what I want?
Open the gates now alright?
Sigh.
I have to keep waiting, don't I?
Yesterday I had Astro, and it was cool. Jack brought us chocolates that only Year 6s could enjoy, and then we played a little Astro hangman, and then Mr. Tien started this long discussion about science and thoughts and a lot of other topics.
The juniors fixed the telescope a little, then we got it to focus onto Jupiter. I took a photo with my new camera, and it was really nice because I could take the 4 moons that were visible too.
Theo lost his laptop in the observatory, and we got really worried for a while, but then he made a call and realise that some goondu took it down to the Dry Lab.
Talk more about this later.
Today I woke up quite late, and that was coz I had a freaky nightmare. It is a horror story thing, where the school suddenly became severely haunted. However, the school didn't look like my school, one of those dream warped schools that makes you believe it is your school.
Basically there was a nighttime schoolwide activity, and when people started to take the lifts, the lift buttons just never show realistic storeys, but instead screwed up ones. And the lifts never bring you to the right level and you get stuck. Until you yell loud enough for someone not affected by the warp, and they come up to rescue you down.
Freaky.
Then when I was cooking noodles, I heard the song Breakaway!
Found out a little while later that it is easy to play on the guitar.
Yay me.
Okay, on to the reflective part, or the emo part, whatever.
I find that it isn't very worth it to worry so much about someone when maybe, they never worry about you. That kind of person who has little or no qualms about leaving you all by yourself while he goes on to have fun by themselves.
I think all it takes is just to say hi and ask a question about them. About how the holidays went, or something like that.
Maybe I should not hope so much. It sometimes create this false image in your mind that you assume will happen... And that is also because of your trust in that someone. Like if you trust someone to do something, and it just doesn't happen, it just sucks.
Yesterday, I talked to Zeph a lot, and told him about my past. I mean, the past that was after his presence, and the one before his reappearance.
He wasn't very happy yesterday, and had a myriad of problems then. I hope he cheers up and find trust in himself.
Zephy, don't give up!
But I think me talking about my past, and thus making him tell me about himself, actually helped him to forget his current problems for a little while. It works sometimes.
How much more must I slave to get what I want?
Open the gates now alright?
Sigh.
I have to keep waiting, don't I?
Ramblings.
Blogger works fine in school. It's 3.09pm, and it's raining cats and dogs outside. There's still one more hour to CCA, and not in the mood to go but I guess I'll go anyway.
Umm... Lessons today were alright. I managed to not get distracted, and did my work well. People were still going around annoying me in their own little ways, but actually... it was just two people annoying me?
Hah. But I didn't get annoyed. Anyway, doesn't make me feel any better that I tag along. As long as something sucks, being there sucks too. So I didn't tag along.
I think it says quite a bit when someone deserts someone for another person who has company. Isn't it more efficient to hang around with someone who bothers more than someone else who doesn't give a crap who you are?
I went to watch The Ugly Truth yesterday. It's NC16, but it really is very very funny. I think I prefer The Ugly Truth to The Proposal, but the Proposal is more mild, I guess?
Can't really remember, but each has their own unique humor factor lahz.
We played handball for PE yesterday, and I fell down twice. When have I become that clumsy?!
But it's alright la.
I feel like starting another blog that doesn't write about my life. But these kind of things, usually don't work out for me.
Interest will only get you that far.
And oh yes, about that. Interest can't get you far, but if you're a maniac, then yes it just might. But there are not guarantees about that.
I feel tired of trying, again. The best solution is just giving up without a care. Just go on and find this already willing to care sort of person, and not have to work super the damn hard to get this simple thing I want.
That will be a pleasant change for once.
Talking about relationships, I always read Kelly's section on Teenage. At first, I thought it was cool you know... People writing in to have their problems addressed, and then this unknown person who is supposed to be a professional answering them...
Then after a few issues I noticed that she always have set answers for certain problems.
One thing she always likes to write is, NO BGR. People write in to ask about problems within the relationship, and there she is, telling everyone to break up and end the relationship. If the writer is like 12 or 13 or even 14, then okay that may be a good thing to do. But when people are like 15, 16 or above, BGR is acceptable also wad!
People need to learn stuff like boy-girl relationships through these experiences. You can't just learn it off a book, and making mistakes is the way to learn in this area too what. Yes, she is right that sometimes those mistakes cost damn hella lot, and it is right to encourage people to stop such nonsense. But normal squabbles are alright what!
Sheesh. She calls every other party a childish one, or immature one... Maybe other people have their own reasons lor, generalize like that.
And then she also ask people to stop thinking about the people that they like, when they get rejected or something. But it isn't wrong to like someone! It's not some disease.
Ok la, rant enough liao. See you.
Umm... Lessons today were alright. I managed to not get distracted, and did my work well. People were still going around annoying me in their own little ways, but actually... it was just two people annoying me?
Hah. But I didn't get annoyed. Anyway, doesn't make me feel any better that I tag along. As long as something sucks, being there sucks too. So I didn't tag along.
I think it says quite a bit when someone deserts someone for another person who has company. Isn't it more efficient to hang around with someone who bothers more than someone else who doesn't give a crap who you are?
I went to watch The Ugly Truth yesterday. It's NC16, but it really is very very funny. I think I prefer The Ugly Truth to The Proposal, but the Proposal is more mild, I guess?
Can't really remember, but each has their own unique humor factor lahz.
We played handball for PE yesterday, and I fell down twice. When have I become that clumsy?!
But it's alright la.
I feel like starting another blog that doesn't write about my life. But these kind of things, usually don't work out for me.
Interest will only get you that far.
And oh yes, about that. Interest can't get you far, but if you're a maniac, then yes it just might. But there are not guarantees about that.
I feel tired of trying, again. The best solution is just giving up without a care. Just go on and find this already willing to care sort of person, and not have to work super the damn hard to get this simple thing I want.
That will be a pleasant change for once.
Talking about relationships, I always read Kelly's section on Teenage. At first, I thought it was cool you know... People writing in to have their problems addressed, and then this unknown person who is supposed to be a professional answering them...
Then after a few issues I noticed that she always have set answers for certain problems.
One thing she always likes to write is, NO BGR. People write in to ask about problems within the relationship, and there she is, telling everyone to break up and end the relationship. If the writer is like 12 or 13 or even 14, then okay that may be a good thing to do. But when people are like 15, 16 or above, BGR is acceptable also wad!
People need to learn stuff like boy-girl relationships through these experiences. You can't just learn it off a book, and making mistakes is the way to learn in this area too what. Yes, she is right that sometimes those mistakes cost damn hella lot, and it is right to encourage people to stop such nonsense. But normal squabbles are alright what!
Sheesh. She calls every other party a childish one, or immature one... Maybe other people have their own reasons lor, generalize like that.
And then she also ask people to stop thinking about the people that they like, when they get rejected or something. But it isn't wrong to like someone! It's not some disease.
Ok la, rant enough liao. See you.
Why I am so late
Well, I lose all inspiration to blog whenever I log onto blogger and realize that the posting page has gone all skeleton on me. White with links on the left side of the page. I seriously think it's blogger's own crap, because it's the same on Firefox.
Anyway, 11 Sept is my birthday for people who didn't notice. And this year I'm 18! Like I love to say 'the big ONE_EIGHT!'
Thanks to all who wished me a Happy Birthday. In no particular order, Angela, Melanie, Theodore, Yun Hui, John, Lennard, Conrad, May Fong, Eugenia, Cheryl, Darren, WeiCheng, Aaron, Zephy, Pamela, Jia Ni, Irsyad, RuiHan korkor, Kirby, Mitchell, the facebook people who left messages on my wall, Mao, Aos.
And my relatives, Uncle Patrick and Aunt Irin, Uncle Anselm and Aunt Aster, Aunt Maria, Uncle Peter, Grandma, Mum and Dad, and my loves baby cousin Dillon!
[Anyway, if I miss your name out, I'm deeply apologetic but please remember you made my birthday special]
Special thanks to those who turned up for my party.
And more special thanks to those who spent money/lunch money for my present:
To Theoie for that cute pink bunny goodness and chocolate, and the food. Thanks so much for not eating so many meals and yummies just for my present. I hearts you loads.
To Angela for the star and hearts bracelet. Thanks for that something special, yay to us both for having matching accessories! And thanks for the sms all the way from Vienna.
To Eugenia for the crank-it-yourself music box, and for the unfinished piece of present. Thanks so much for spending time on your senior. All the butterflies in the box, and keeping my fingers busy turning the lever.
To WeiCheng and Darren for domo-kun. Thanks for really going to get the domo-kun, so huge and huggable, I like!
To YunHui, John, and Conrad for the earrings. Thanks for adding more earrings to my collection, coz I really don't know what earrings are good and I need more earrings for my collection!
To Lennard for the Marie cup. Thanks so much for getting me something pink and cute, I shall use it when my Mum decides my Madagascar cup cannot be used anymore.
To MayFong for the diary. I love writing diaries, but mum doesn't really let me get one of those stuff. So thanks a whole bunch for the diary, I'm going to use it next year!
To Melanie for the lip palette (or so it writes on the container). Woohoo girl stuff! And don't worry I haven't opened it yet. Hello kitty whee!
To Uncle Patrick and Aunt Irin, Uncle Anselm and Aunt Aster, Aunt Maria, and Uncle Peter for the amazing camera and extended warranty. That made my year.
To Grandma for the angpao as usual. To Dad for the angpao as usual.
To dearest Mum for making the party a success!
[And of course with support from my friends]
Oh, and JiaLin for asking about my birthday today. Haha.
Anyway, a very enjoyable birthday. Went crazy on the rockband. And viva pinata! I told you viva pinata would be a blast... What we need is two more controllers and everybody will be even crazier. And the guitar playing by the guitar players. Rockband players too.
And still, Theo, for getting hungry coz of me. I still feel guilty.
Anyway, 11 Sept is my birthday for people who didn't notice. And this year I'm 18! Like I love to say 'the big ONE_EIGHT!'
Thanks to all who wished me a Happy Birthday. In no particular order, Angela, Melanie, Theodore, Yun Hui, John, Lennard, Conrad, May Fong, Eugenia, Cheryl, Darren, WeiCheng, Aaron, Zephy, Pamela, Jia Ni, Irsyad, RuiHan korkor, Kirby, Mitchell, the facebook people who left messages on my wall, Mao, Aos.
And my relatives, Uncle Patrick and Aunt Irin, Uncle Anselm and Aunt Aster, Aunt Maria, Uncle Peter, Grandma, Mum and Dad, and my loves baby cousin Dillon!
[Anyway, if I miss your name out, I'm deeply apologetic but please remember you made my birthday special]
Special thanks to those who turned up for my party.
And more special thanks to those who spent money/lunch money for my present:
To Theoie for that cute pink bunny goodness and chocolate, and the food. Thanks so much for not eating so many meals and yummies just for my present. I hearts you loads.
To Angela for the star and hearts bracelet. Thanks for that something special, yay to us both for having matching accessories! And thanks for the sms all the way from Vienna.
To Eugenia for the crank-it-yourself music box, and for the unfinished piece of present. Thanks so much for spending time on your senior. All the butterflies in the box, and keeping my fingers busy turning the lever.
To WeiCheng and Darren for domo-kun. Thanks for really going to get the domo-kun, so huge and huggable, I like!
To YunHui, John, and Conrad for the earrings. Thanks for adding more earrings to my collection, coz I really don't know what earrings are good and I need more earrings for my collection!
To Lennard for the Marie cup. Thanks so much for getting me something pink and cute, I shall use it when my Mum decides my Madagascar cup cannot be used anymore.
To MayFong for the diary. I love writing diaries, but mum doesn't really let me get one of those stuff. So thanks a whole bunch for the diary, I'm going to use it next year!
To Melanie for the lip palette (or so it writes on the container). Woohoo girl stuff! And don't worry I haven't opened it yet. Hello kitty whee!
To Uncle Patrick and Aunt Irin, Uncle Anselm and Aunt Aster, Aunt Maria, and Uncle Peter for the amazing camera and extended warranty. That made my year.
To Grandma for the angpao as usual. To Dad for the angpao as usual.
To dearest Mum for making the party a success!
[And of course with support from my friends]
Oh, and JiaLin for asking about my birthday today. Haha.
Anyway, a very enjoyable birthday. Went crazy on the rockband. And viva pinata! I told you viva pinata would be a blast... What we need is two more controllers and everybody will be even crazier. And the guitar playing by the guitar players. Rockband players too.
And still, Theo, for getting hungry coz of me. I still feel guilty.
blogger!
The weirdest thing just happened to me today, which resulted in a moment of awkwardness and embarrassment. I ought to write about it here, but I think there are some things that should remain between two people.
Blogger is still giving me the skeleton, non-formatted, post page. Does anybody know what's going on?!
Well, you know how annoying it is to be told two constrasting pieces on information about the same thing? Yeah, that's how it's like now. I was thinking to myself just now, are you freakin' in or freakin' out?! And then I realised that it was funny because "freakin" was there to make me sound really annoyed. But the second part freakin' out also means chickening out, lol. But still gets the message across.
Uhh... Tomorrow is going to be such a screwed up day. An apology to my Xbox 360 first. Zzz.
Can't stand the plainess of this blog posting page so... cya
Blogger is still giving me the skeleton, non-formatted, post page. Does anybody know what's going on?!
Well, you know how annoying it is to be told two constrasting pieces on information about the same thing? Yeah, that's how it's like now. I was thinking to myself just now, are you freakin' in or freakin' out?! And then I realised that it was funny because "freakin" was there to make me sound really annoyed. But the second part freakin' out also means chickening out, lol. But still gets the message across.
Uhh... Tomorrow is going to be such a screwed up day. An apology to my Xbox 360 first. Zzz.
Can't stand the plainess of this blog posting page so... cya
Bah what a stupid day
Found this quote from Grey's Anatomy:
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
Anyway, the blogger is going weird again, this posting page without any fomatting, just white and black words with blue hyperlinks and purple clicked-hyperlinks.
Anybody know what's going on?
I stongly suspect my Dad's doing, since he is online on the desktop now using the internet so God knows what he's doing. Probably stealing bandwidth that's why everything is so slow.
Nothing is getting better. So I have to wait somemore, like what I have been doing for the past 18 years. Just waiting for something to change because, everything needs a bit of luck for things to work fine. I don't get a share of that so like when you queue up to buy food, I'm still queueing and waiting.
I think talking to people helps a lot. They might be yelling at you, telling you that you suck, or to tell you to give up (on something that you've been working really hard for and would give anything for it to succeed), or maybe they question themselves openly that they do not know why they're talking to you. But it still helps. There's still that somebody on the other side who is talking to you. You. Me. Us. And that's something.
Life is full of imperfection. Life is full of failures.
Sometimes when I play the piano, I feel lousy all of a sudden because the music I produced sounded like... just sound. Not music, just sound, some noise.
When I want to write my thoughts down, I get annoyed sometimes because my handwriting is bad, or I can't find words suitable enough to describe things.
It's like I can't do anything right.
What a stupid day, a day of rest for me, yet got me thinking again, in circles.
Sigh.
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
Anyway, the blogger is going weird again, this posting page without any fomatting, just white and black words with blue hyperlinks and purple clicked-hyperlinks.
Anybody know what's going on?
I stongly suspect my Dad's doing, since he is online on the desktop now using the internet so God knows what he's doing. Probably stealing bandwidth that's why everything is so slow.
Nothing is getting better. So I have to wait somemore, like what I have been doing for the past 18 years. Just waiting for something to change because, everything needs a bit of luck for things to work fine. I don't get a share of that so like when you queue up to buy food, I'm still queueing and waiting.
I think talking to people helps a lot. They might be yelling at you, telling you that you suck, or to tell you to give up (on something that you've been working really hard for and would give anything for it to succeed), or maybe they question themselves openly that they do not know why they're talking to you. But it still helps. There's still that somebody on the other side who is talking to you. You. Me. Us. And that's something.
Life is full of imperfection. Life is full of failures.
Sometimes when I play the piano, I feel lousy all of a sudden because the music I produced sounded like... just sound. Not music, just sound, some noise.
When I want to write my thoughts down, I get annoyed sometimes because my handwriting is bad, or I can't find words suitable enough to describe things.
It's like I can't do anything right.
What a stupid day, a day of rest for me, yet got me thinking again, in circles.
Sigh.
I am still not happy.
People can be such jerks at times.
What kind of person LOLs before saying sorry?
And seriously, when I say edit ASAP, it means 'as soon as possibe', not 'as slow as possible'.
Now people, you guys had better do most of the presentation because then you can make it fair for me. I am NOT happy doing all these by myself, and then not being able to complete work for James coz of it. And I complete work for James because I'm his intern, and I am NOT your slave or intern.
And what now? You guys aren't thankful or grateful? Not even feeling bad for what you guys did? Oh wait, did what? You guys did nothing. Not talking about you here Daniel. So you guys are not even thankful/grateful, or remorseful because you guys did nothing.
Right.
How I wished Angela was here right now on msn or whatever so that I can talk to her. She'll tell me something like how it is alright for things to be this way, so that I won't be as angry. She'll make me smile again, and forget whatever's happened.
And why does she have to explain you guys out of this?
Anyway I went to watch Bandslam today. I like the movie. The songs, the people, the story. Hardships and how to counter them and all. I found the final part, where people were shouting DWI (pronounced as 'do we' [literally]), and Will just turned it into something really awesome.
Anyway, the movie reminded me that I wasn't going to have Angela with me forever. She can't always always be there to stop me from being excessively pissed, and she can't always turn my eyes towards the bright side.
And it hit me.
Will I be able to do that without her?
Sighs. Apparently now I can't.
Bandslam. The movie that everyone watched without me, so I should watch without them. Not like, you know, I would go to watch with them. That's because when two people are present, I will be absent. It would be painful to be there.
I still don't get it though, why didn't I get asked first.
And it wouldn't have mattered if I didn't receive any confirmation of things happening behind my back. I'm not pissed, I'm just a little disappointed. I was foolishly thinking of a few things that turn out to be false, and that just sucks.
And that trip was partly the cause of the real reason I'm upset now, which is about the stupid report.
No, not really. Just upset in general.
You're worried SICK about the people in Vienna, but you're not in the very least worried about me, the report, or who's the slave doing it for you. And you didn't do any work because you're SICK. What now, huh? You think that makes sense?
What about me? Did you know I'm really sick too? That I'm vomitting blood?
Yea, you heard me. I'm SICK of doing stuff when you don't care, and the report made me vomit blood. You want to start caring now?
Oh probably not, coz pickle ickle Wennnniiie is off in Vienna having fun and come to think about it, has someone to keep him A-OK and happy.
Why freaking worry?
And with regards to this post, WC please do not post any replies on the tagboard. Go ahead and be the realist you want to be. As for me, I embrace the possibility of things changing, and right now I don't need an extreme realist to comment on all these hypothetical statements (to you).
What kind of person LOLs before saying sorry?
And seriously, when I say edit ASAP, it means 'as soon as possibe', not 'as slow as possible'.
Now people, you guys had better do most of the presentation because then you can make it fair for me. I am NOT happy doing all these by myself, and then not being able to complete work for James coz of it. And I complete work for James because I'm his intern, and I am NOT your slave or intern.
And what now? You guys aren't thankful or grateful? Not even feeling bad for what you guys did? Oh wait, did what? You guys did nothing. Not talking about you here Daniel. So you guys are not even thankful/grateful, or remorseful because you guys did nothing.
Right.
How I wished Angela was here right now on msn or whatever so that I can talk to her. She'll tell me something like how it is alright for things to be this way, so that I won't be as angry. She'll make me smile again, and forget whatever's happened.
And why does she have to explain you guys out of this?
Anyway I went to watch Bandslam today. I like the movie. The songs, the people, the story. Hardships and how to counter them and all. I found the final part, where people were shouting DWI (pronounced as 'do we' [literally]), and Will just turned it into something really awesome.
Anyway, the movie reminded me that I wasn't going to have Angela with me forever. She can't always always be there to stop me from being excessively pissed, and she can't always turn my eyes towards the bright side.
And it hit me.
Will I be able to do that without her?
Sighs. Apparently now I can't.
Bandslam. The movie that everyone watched without me, so I should watch without them. Not like, you know, I would go to watch with them. That's because when two people are present, I will be absent. It would be painful to be there.
I still don't get it though, why didn't I get asked first.
And it wouldn't have mattered if I didn't receive any confirmation of things happening behind my back. I'm not pissed, I'm just a little disappointed. I was foolishly thinking of a few things that turn out to be false, and that just sucks.
And that trip was partly the cause of the real reason I'm upset now, which is about the stupid report.
No, not really. Just upset in general.
You're worried SICK about the people in Vienna, but you're not in the very least worried about me, the report, or who's the slave doing it for you. And you didn't do any work because you're SICK. What now, huh? You think that makes sense?
What about me? Did you know I'm really sick too? That I'm vomitting blood?
Yea, you heard me. I'm SICK of doing stuff when you don't care, and the report made me vomit blood. You want to start caring now?
Oh probably not, coz pickle ickle Wennnniiie is off in Vienna having fun and come to think about it, has someone to keep him A-OK and happy.
Why freaking worry?
And with regards to this post, WC please do not post any replies on the tagboard. Go ahead and be the realist you want to be. As for me, I embrace the possibility of things changing, and right now I don't need an extreme realist to comment on all these hypothetical statements (to you).
This is so not fair
This is so not fair.
Just because everyone has valid excuses, it means on person has to shoulder the whole responsibility.
Theo's sick, Vanessa's flying, Daniel's flying, Lenny's gone...
So I'm left to do almost the whole LATE bio report by myself.
Theo was supposed to at least start it, and then he tells me a day after the due date that he hasn't done anything yet. This is really annoying, because seriously, if you haven't done anything at least inform the group members.
I was at internship that's why I couldn't do. And Theo has a laptop with him at that time so why can't he have done SOMETHING!?
Plus, two of my group members (or maybe more) went out on Tuesday to have fun without me. So tell me why, if they can have fun, I can't have mine too?
Freaking unfair la.
BTW, I do my homework when I'm sick too. It actually isn't a very valid excuse. 'Need to sleep' is not even an excuse during the day when you can actually be found online.
I don't care if you give me a mess, just do your freaking part!
And what does Vanessa do? Pack up and leave for Vienna.
Great, why don't I pack up too and let's all get zero for this stupid practical.
I seriously can't be bothered, just that my own marks suck right now and I really need the marks.
And also, thanks Daniel for contributing to the report.
I've just been told I have to 'struggle for things to work right' because then I would be able to 'counter the myriad of curses placed upon me.'
Now I know why my life sucks. Because I have curses placed on me and I have to struggle to keep things working. Then what's the point because the whole point of the curse was to make me suffer.
Please just remove all curses from my life and let me have a deserved rest. Been fighting and fighting for so long now, can the world stop throwing junk at me?!
Anyways, in a damn bad mood now.
Gel's left for Vienna, I'm all alone.
I wanna go airport to emo one of these days in the holidays. The airport always gives me a good feeling... Like, everywhere I go I feel like I'm being watched and judges every moment, but not in the airport.
It has always been peaceful at the airport. I guess people are more focused on spending time with people who are going to leave, busy spending time with people who have just arrived...
Sighs.
I need a break.
Just because everyone has valid excuses, it means on person has to shoulder the whole responsibility.
Theo's sick, Vanessa's flying, Daniel's flying, Lenny's gone...
So I'm left to do almost the whole LATE bio report by myself.
Theo was supposed to at least start it, and then he tells me a day after the due date that he hasn't done anything yet. This is really annoying, because seriously, if you haven't done anything at least inform the group members.
I was at internship that's why I couldn't do. And Theo has a laptop with him at that time so why can't he have done SOMETHING!?
Plus, two of my group members (or maybe more) went out on Tuesday to have fun without me. So tell me why, if they can have fun, I can't have mine too?
Freaking unfair la.
BTW, I do my homework when I'm sick too. It actually isn't a very valid excuse. 'Need to sleep' is not even an excuse during the day when you can actually be found online.
I don't care if you give me a mess, just do your freaking part!
And what does Vanessa do? Pack up and leave for Vienna.
Great, why don't I pack up too and let's all get zero for this stupid practical.
I seriously can't be bothered, just that my own marks suck right now and I really need the marks.
And also, thanks Daniel for contributing to the report.
I've just been told I have to 'struggle for things to work right' because then I would be able to 'counter the myriad of curses placed upon me.'
Now I know why my life sucks. Because I have curses placed on me and I have to struggle to keep things working. Then what's the point because the whole point of the curse was to make me suffer.
Please just remove all curses from my life and let me have a deserved rest. Been fighting and fighting for so long now, can the world stop throwing junk at me?!
Anyways, in a damn bad mood now.
Gel's left for Vienna, I'm all alone.
I wanna go airport to emo one of these days in the holidays. The airport always gives me a good feeling... Like, everywhere I go I feel like I'm being watched and judges every moment, but not in the airport.
It has always been peaceful at the airport. I guess people are more focused on spending time with people who are going to leave, busy spending time with people who have just arrived...
Sighs.
I need a break.
Coz I had a bad day
Today's like such a terrible day. But the lab was quite interesting today. Got loads of work to be done, one of which was to clear out the gunk that Darren left behind yesterday. I found a few more little critters, which I happily brought home. Esther let me bring them home, and when I said I was going to bring it to Darren if he wants, she was like, "Aww…"
Sheesh. What did that mean?! Sounded so… never mind.
Went for recital, moody.
So I wrote a letter. Somehow having a pen and just writing anything I like calms me down much, I guess. But it didn't do much.
Someone's sick. But he doesn't seem to be receptive.
People are so screwy sometimes.
Insensitivity.
Sometimes I need to think of my own happiness? But when?
Unfair.
Damn. Freaking. Unfair.
Suffer so much for nothing. Not even an ounce of care. Can't even be at least friendly for 3 more months.
Is it better to be born alone, or to have people around you that leave you alone?
Ten statements
- Unlike you, I'm trying to achieve something here.
- Stop asking me to call you, or talk to you, when you don't keep to your words.
- You are the only person in my life, ever, to really make me happy.
- Sometimes, you can be as insensitive as she is.
- You're a horrible person and you should stop being such a jerk. Should.
- You're the only junior I'll return to school for.
- Life needs a little optimism sometimes, you're probably too pessimistic.
- Stop complaining that you want the latest branded shoes, branded bag, or hottest guy.
- I'm glad you're happy now.
- Thanks for your ears, always.
So ten statements for ten different people. If you're not in the list, it doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking of you. It's just that I'm perfectly fine with you.
And I shall say here that in the case you find out/suspect that any of the statements above refer to you, please remember that no names were included so you're probably wrong but keep it in mind anyway. You might need it in the future? And anyway, not obliged to take my advice. Just venting.