I tried to talk about it but it didn't work coz it turned out to be a talk about how I live my life and stuff like that. But all I wanted to do was to talk about the situation itself, and why I was sad and stuff like that. I didn't want to talk about life and how it relates to the situation.

With regards to life, I live it because I have to. It doesn't mean I'm happy about it. It doesn't mean I'm not happy either. It's just an obligation I have to fulfill.

Today, it hit the threshold. I dun get why, when I give people chances, they just don't take it. And instead, assume that I am joking.

Okay, maybe I joke around at times. But when I tell you something serious, take it seriously!

So a few days ago, I got pissed off majorly and declared I wasn't going to play Monopoly Deal with someone anymore. (I don't put names here.)

But then, this someone really wanted to play today, despite my numerous repeating of 'I do not want to play monopoly deal with you anymore.'

Oh yes, the reason I don't want to play monopoly deal with said person anymore:

1. I hate card games from the very start
2. I hate it when I lose all the time

3. It's not fun to play something that you lose at all the time

So, the person said ok, he'll let me win this time and we'll remove the deal breakers, since said person really really wants to play it, and i really really don't want to play it.

Thus, I said fine, I'll play.

So we removed the deal breakers, and started playing.

Said person won AGAIN. With a smile.

Now, I am REALLY really pissed.

1. I just lost, AGAIN.

2. Person said they were gonna let me win, and they went back on their word

So obviously I was upset.

The very reason why I don't want to play with this person anymore is because I don't want to be upset like this. For one, I am not one who can tolerate losses by the spam. Sure I will lose sometimes, but losing like 17 times out of 20 times just really sucks.

Who the hell wants to play a game they'll lose?

And I trusted this person to keep to their word, but they didn't!

Thus, here I am, sad.

Some of you may think I'm a sore loser, and maybe I am, but this friend of mine just went back on their word. Which makes my sadness times 2. Also, I hate losing multiple times, even if it's just a game.

But this friend still doesn't understand what I'm going at, and goes on to tell me how this situation relates to life. Like, how I should face challenges in life instead of giving up.

Firstly, this is a game that you mentioned, was supposed to be for relaxing. Then you went on to say I should pick up the challenge. No, challenge does not equal to relaxing.

Secondly, if you keep saying 'just a game', then you should just lose and let me win because I need it more than you if you ever want me to continue playing with you.

Thirdly, how does a card game based primarily on LUCK makes it related to life?

Life. To me, now it's to stop making myself hurt because that's all i've been feeling. I've been losing out in life mainly coz of my setbacks in earlier life, getting laughed at my entire school times, being insulted again and again.

And I just want a break. Maybe I'm not good at stuff that matter more, but at least, give me a break in the things that don't matter in life? At least, give me a chance in small silly games that mean nothing in life. A small victory, is all it takes to make me feel like I can do something. A tiny victory, all it takes to feel good and to smile on the inside.

You've been given this ability, and you chose not to use it. Just coz, oh, 'I should rise up to the challenge coz in life it is never this easy'. By letting my win, you get me see me smile; and by you winning, you make me feel twice as lousy inside. It's all an obvious choice now isn't it? Or is it still your choice to 'teach me about life'?

Give me a break. And make me feel like I can do something for myself. I dun care if you disregard me as an equal. Sometimes, even when things are fake, they can make someone's day.

And sometimes, when you can't bring urself to be fake for just a little, you ruin someone.

Really, give me a break from all that life stuff.

That being said, botters are disgusting.

If I could, I'd delete them off my Mousehunt friend list. I detest you people for horning for me thankyouverymuch. And stay off my turf of non-botters.

Old fashioned or whatthehell, I don't really care. I just DON'T WANT TO BOT.

It's just damn frustrating when you look up every now and then during studies that you smile coz it's time to press the horn. It used to be so relieving when I get to see what I catch. But, not any more. Ever since the invention of damned scripts that run on Chrome, whenever I miss the horn by a little, I don't get to press it anymore. Ooops, sorry, it says, (insert name) has sounded the horn.

That's fine if I know you aren't botting, or if I don't know you're botting. But when I know you're botting, it makes my blood boil. Keep off my horn, butt.

I hope Mousehunt implements the thing Neopets does in their shops. To press a particular spot in a picture so that botters can't script it. Then I will do chicken wings with those irritating botters.

On a non-Mousehunt side, I am also quite frustrated. Namely because I suck in Science. My CAP is lousy. So I can literally say bye-bye to Medicine. Everyday in my school is a constant reminder that my life and future are a mess.

And today, I learnt about Nursing. Seems pretty good. But I need to support a family with that. I don't even know if the salary from being a nurse is reasonable in terms of working hours and such. If I could hold on to a Science degree and do something non-Science like, HR in a company, and still earn more than nurses. Then wth?

Zzz.

Life is really troublesome.

I would, like everyone, want to follow my passion. What used to be a passion is now just an interest. Main reason coz I can't excel in it. Another reason coz I don't have the chance too. Partly another reason coz my life in the future isn't only going to be mine.

In other words, circumstances and giving way makes me unable to pursue what I want. Maybe coz God doesn't want me to be what I want to be. Whenever I get into a place where I know I should be able to survive, shit hits me in the face and tell me that no, I'm below average.

Darn.

Alright, I gotta go.

Nights.