This year's Valentines' Day proved to be one of the best so far. As usual, there will still be something happening to ruin it, but the general flow of events and occurrences throughout the day still made me enjoy my day very much.

For this year's Valentines' Day, I had a Sakura Buffet meal with Leonard last evening. It was a really happy event where we ate and ate and basically enjoyed each others' company. I'm really thankful for him being able to pull out time for me for this Valentine-cum-his-birthday celebration, and last night really made me a very happy person.

Today, I decided not to attend the lecture with webcast and spent my day in the clubroom instead. I sat there in the clubroom talking to people I see, and also walking out to the event area and bought things for myself to eat, and drink. This year's decorations were really sweet. The balloon arch was pretty, and they even had a heart setup for people to take photos!

The sales will still be on tomorrow so I will show my support to the rest whom I haven't bought from yet.

Special thanks to those who made my Valentine's Day enjoyable. Firstly to Leonard, who despite his busy schedule took time out to spend quality time with me, and also for the lovely colour pencils <3

And to everyone else who gave me gifts... Gel neechan, Maosheng, Dryad's guys, Jacq & Kangwei, SCMC guys, Yongsheng, Samuel, Alan (who gave me extra cheese)... And everyone else who made me smile in one way or another during the day.

You know, my day wasn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. Coz of one incident. Guys, please really be careful with your words and think before you speak. There are things that you say that was really hurt someone else. Stop hurting others with your words before it's too late.

That's all. And hope everyone had a good Vday too!

(Has no idea what it exactly means but I just wanted a title for this post.)

Haihz.

So now what? Valentine's Day is just around the corner and so is Leonard's Birthday, and my Dad's.

Last year I made two cards for his birthday with all my creative juices and now I can't do it anymore because he is an Art's student and anything I do will look pathetic at best. I know like, most people will say that it's the thought that counts but... Wanna be great for such occasions, you know. Sometimes people just say that it's the thought that counts, but in actual fact resenting inside and thinking that it really sucks.

In any case, I still need to think about what to do... Hope I can think of something soon.

These days most day have been really tough. Not as tough as it was about half a year ago but it is still tough.

Well, I don't know who reads this blog anymore, but since it is my blog, I can just try to vent a little here so that in appearance I don't hurt anyone. Here goes...

I know that unlike the kids in the third world countries, or those who are homeless and the like, I am already living a very comfortable and fortunate life. I have a home, some luxuries (like a mobile phone, getting to travel overseas and such...), parents, and family... Stuff like that. Yes, I am living a comfortable enough life. And I shouldn't be complaining.

But you know what? The way my life has been, the world as I perceive and learn from, is one that isn't very pleasant. In fact, it is one that is cruel. Try as I might, it is very difficult for me to change my perception because so far, everytime I want to change, a situation pops up to prove my determination wrong. Hard cold facts that my world isn't changed at all.

You see, as a kid, when I was just learning about the world and the society around me, bad things happened. The way people treated me, not only outsiders but family and friends.. They all showed me how much I didn't deserve things. Things both tangible and intangible.

Children all grow up needing to know what love is, and what care and concern is. The luckier kids who got such privileges, they end up being the spoilt, mean ones that go around hurting others. I won't say all, but some don't. And those who have been through shit, they are usually the ones who go around trying to heal because they know how much it hurts not to be cared for. And still, nobody reciprocates.

As a kid, I learnt to trust no one. To stand up on my own two feet. When betrayal hits every day when I'm in school, I wiped those tears by myself, and told myself to not succumb to those whiny spoilt brats that wail and refuse to go to school because the teacher gave them correction to do for their spelling test.

When my teacher found it fun to complain to my parents how I 'kept talking in class' when I haven't, or when she announced to the staff room how I am an ass, I took those canings for the rest of the class who talked during class time. My parents never gave me a chance to explain myself, and they never once believed my side of the story. I took it in.

And everyday I grew silent because I wanted to stay out of trouble, so my parents would love me.

I don't cry infront of my parents (except for when I got caned as a kid) because I don't want them to think I was crazy, because they didn't know that I am a person who can feel hurt and sadness. Because they love a happy and problem-free daughter.

I don't have any siblings, or any friends that I could turn to, to listen to me talk. I didn't have anyone, but I still stood up despite all that's happened.

I learnt that suicide was wrong. Only because when I die by suicidal actions, I wouldn't go to heaven. And I want to go to heaven when I die. So I stayed. Never once did I cut myself like all the emo people would. (Maybe if I did, I would be noticed and a counsellor sent to speak to me. Maybe my life would be different.)

Me being here. I just hope and wish that one day, life would be better.
That when I love others, they'll love me back.

I hope that one day I won't have to take the blame for others. I hope that one day when I'm sad someone would actually listen and be on my side (doesn't have to be AT my side, just ON my side) and understand, instead of telling me to shut up and suck it up.

I know, that I am a pretty good listener when people needed someone to rant or talk to. This my friends have said before. But when I needed their ears, all or most will not have the time for me, or decide that their bad hair day was a better topic to talk about.

And that is how I end up bottling stuff, and have nobody to talk with. So please, before you judge my blog, note that this is the only place I have to be writing all these down. And with just a pinch of hope, someone who HAS time can read it at their own time.

Those who read all the way to this point of the post, thank you. Thank you for wanting to read to the end to even bother about my life. Because the world needs more people like you. Though I sound emo, or am emo, I still want to lead a normal life that doesn't give me reasons to give up. That you know, that someone would hold on to me and want me genuinely to stay.

Thank you.