Tired days
Tired. Tired. Tired.
Travelling overseas really drains my energy. Not to mention the multitude of events lined up when I get back.
I got back from Night Rider recee yesterday. Yes, overnight cycling! It was kinda scary at times and my butt damn pain, but overall, a good exercise ba. But we also ate a lot so I wonder if it helped with keeping fit, haha!
Didn't really sleep much either when I got home, but I finally got down to treating my face to a mask! Keeps it well moisturized. After which I spent the day watching the last episodes of Harper's Island with Lennie and his family.
A few things happened last night that kind of reminded me of certain things. Mostly related to a little accident that required my First Aid services. Nothing very major so don't worry, stitches were required for her but she's fine. (:
I think the most valuable skill I have now is my First Aid skills and my knowledge of medical drugs. Though not an expert, I still have a little more on these matter, mainly on the medicine side. Reminded me of how I always wanted to study Medicine and be a doctor, but it all seems bleak. I even wanted to transfer to nursing so that I could continue working in the medical sector, working to make people well again.
Also, I presume is the first time Leonard saw what I do for First Aid. And then for just a little moment I see a need for my existance in the world - emo thoughts from before said otherwise. That I could actually do something that benefits others. And I am so glad I can do that.
In any case, I still have no idea how she sustained that cut. I am very glad it wasn't too major, considering the area of cut could have brought about serious consequences.
I am really tired right now...
Busy times
Scamp prep is going to be quite hectic for the next few days.
I'm feeling kind of exhausted from all the thinking I've been doing.
Everyday, I think of how I can be a better version of myself. How I can be a better person, someone more important to others, someone more useful to others, someone that cannot be gone. And everytime I think about it, I just can't see to know how.
I can't make everyone happy and thus, nobody is perfect that way. I am only a single person, and I can't be with two groups of people at one time. So one group might think I was being anti-social and avoiding them and all, while the other group enjoys my company and think I'm a great buddy.
As for my other half, I can't make him happy the way he wants me to. Physical appearance-wise, I am who I am, my face is what it is right now, and that's just how I am. Dressing up, I have my own preferences and what I am comfortable in and what I am not comfortable in. Somehow I have to give up all these to be a more preferable me for him.
I'm already stepping out of my comfort zone for this and other things, but when I don't like something I really don't like >.<
Then, I just suddenly feel so lousy. Like I can't accomplish anything. Like, even if I wanted to be a better person, I just can't. Then I find myself thinking why can't people accept me for who I am? Why can't they just see my good points and stop harping on my bad points.
Maybe I don't have any good points. At least, any good TANGIBLE points about myself.
):
Just want to be myself.
I'm feeling kind of exhausted from all the thinking I've been doing.
Everyday, I think of how I can be a better version of myself. How I can be a better person, someone more important to others, someone more useful to others, someone that cannot be gone. And everytime I think about it, I just can't see to know how.
I can't make everyone happy and thus, nobody is perfect that way. I am only a single person, and I can't be with two groups of people at one time. So one group might think I was being anti-social and avoiding them and all, while the other group enjoys my company and think I'm a great buddy.
As for my other half, I can't make him happy the way he wants me to. Physical appearance-wise, I am who I am, my face is what it is right now, and that's just how I am. Dressing up, I have my own preferences and what I am comfortable in and what I am not comfortable in. Somehow I have to give up all these to be a more preferable me for him.
I'm already stepping out of my comfort zone for this and other things, but when I don't like something I really don't like >.<
Then, I just suddenly feel so lousy. Like I can't accomplish anything. Like, even if I wanted to be a better person, I just can't. Then I find myself thinking why can't people accept me for who I am? Why can't they just see my good points and stop harping on my bad points.
Maybe I don't have any good points. At least, any good TANGIBLE points about myself.
):
Just want to be myself.
Emo ttm...
Returned from Cambodia/Bangkok less than a week ago...
So I'm kind of tired coz I am just done with 3 days of SCamp Prep Camp...
Not only that I'm tired coz of the shit that has been revolving around me these few days.
Because when I see things start rolling downhill, I can't help but run after them to get them back.
But the thing is, I can't make everyone happy.
It's tough when each side wants a piece of me. It's tougher when one side can't see why there can be a point where both sides can meet.
It's tough when you have to choose a side and both are equally as loved and cherished and deserving.
From what I see, time is like the sand in an hourglass, and it's running really low.
I am afraid of what's going to happen after the sand runs out.
For now, I just want to see each grain of sand being used to its full potential.
When there is just so little time to play and laugh and enjoy each other's company just like we did back then..
When there is still time to be together..
I don't want to be a part of that forgotten memory. I don't want to see that happen, and I will hold on to it as long as I can.
You have to try.
I am afraid of being pushed back into the darkness where I have found light.
Saw a hope, then to lose it to something else.
I want to be happy, happier.
Want to feel important, want to feel loved.
And to those who have led me to my light, I will forever be grateful...
You have saved me from pain, loved me, and cherished me.
And I hope I will be able to do the same for you, except maybe in a different way...
But I don't understand why I am always doing things wrong.
I feel like whatever I do I am still going to upset someone.
As it was in the past, I never get to forgive myself.
Just hope that people will understand...
I have reasons for the things I do.
I am rational, and I weigh my options.
Why do you still get angry with me for doing what I do?
Why, why, why...
I always wonder.
I believe, when I get this all sorted out,
I will cease to exist.
That's why, the world is always in chaos and confusion.
The last part doesn't link. But never mind.
Sigh.
I'm just sad.
So I'm kind of tired coz I am just done with 3 days of SCamp Prep Camp...
Not only that I'm tired coz of the shit that has been revolving around me these few days.
Because when I see things start rolling downhill, I can't help but run after them to get them back.
But the thing is, I can't make everyone happy.
It's tough when each side wants a piece of me. It's tougher when one side can't see why there can be a point where both sides can meet.
It's tough when you have to choose a side and both are equally as loved and cherished and deserving.
From what I see, time is like the sand in an hourglass, and it's running really low.
I am afraid of what's going to happen after the sand runs out.
For now, I just want to see each grain of sand being used to its full potential.
When there is just so little time to play and laugh and enjoy each other's company just like we did back then..
When there is still time to be together..
I don't want to be a part of that forgotten memory. I don't want to see that happen, and I will hold on to it as long as I can.
You have to try.
I am afraid of being pushed back into the darkness where I have found light.
Saw a hope, then to lose it to something else.
I want to be happy, happier.
Want to feel important, want to feel loved.
And to those who have led me to my light, I will forever be grateful...
You have saved me from pain, loved me, and cherished me.
And I hope I will be able to do the same for you, except maybe in a different way...
But I don't understand why I am always doing things wrong.
I feel like whatever I do I am still going to upset someone.
As it was in the past, I never get to forgive myself.
Just hope that people will understand...
I have reasons for the things I do.
I am rational, and I weigh my options.
Why do you still get angry with me for doing what I do?
Why, why, why...
I always wonder.
I believe, when I get this all sorted out,
I will cease to exist.
That's why, the world is always in chaos and confusion.
The last part doesn't link. But never mind.
Sigh.
I'm just sad.