I am so not happy in 2008. The sign of more blogging shows this. 4th day into school and i've duno cried how many times. So many times that someone even considers it to be unserious already. Little does he know what I'm crying about and who I am crying for... Not that he wants to know, not that he wants to care or anything...


I'm just at this maximum point now, and pressing it down as much as possible before it gets out of hand and I break down. He's not helping either. He repeatedly tells me things that will cause me to be more and more hurt, more and more upset. It's not as if I'm longing to be treated this way, it's not as if i want to be this way. He made me to be this way, but thinks it's perfectly fine for me.


I just want to set things right so that the road will be easier for me to walk on. He's not helping either. I first want to set my relationship going in the right direction. So that I won't be too stressed because of it. If it is going in the right direction, it could be a place where I can find warmth amongst the harsh conditions this year, the workload, commitments, and boarding. He's not helping. He talks to me using harsh words. He doesn't show any concern, and he blames me for neglecting him. But it all ends up in a cycle. When i try to not neglect him, he will show me his attitude, and then I will be sad. When I'm sad, I can't entertain him, in fear of being hurt by his words once more. And by doing so, he will say that I'm neglecting him.


I don't know how to explain to him. Can't he just be nice? When I say i feel like dropping out of school, he said, "Then drop out. Be a complaining auntie on the streets. You're well suited for the job." Who the hell thinks this is perfectly fine for my mind? Especially coming from someone that you love?