- What..... -
So here I am, blogging yet again about how sad I feel. Just like a wound weakens a person, an emotional wound can paralyze a person. So yea, I can't work like a normal person now. Which is quite sad because there's this conflict on whether I should or should not. Sometimes, it feels like... weird.
It's like, he becomes a totally different person when he's in a different place. Usually, he's... Angry and displeased at everything... Sometimes he even gives me a threatening look. Sometimes, he tells me to shut up. Sometimes, he tells me to go away. Sometimes, he says, "Why don't you ever listen to me?" Sometimes, he just refuses to answer my question and continues being pissed and angry at me.
But when he's at a different place, he....changes. Which is kind of freaky. And kind of.... weird for me. He tells me about his day. He loves saying 'whee!'. He doesn't give me any threatening look. He has those warm eyes. He smiles. He just becomes totally different.
I don't really understand why, and I don't want to make any assumptions here. I know how sick it feels to be misunderstood. But sometimes, misunderstandings are truths that people hide in them.
Amazingly, I still love him. Yes, despite all that drastic change sort of stuff. I'd really like him to be nice and warm most of the time though. Wonder if he ever sees my blog. Maybe he does. But he doesn't really notice that I type that I love him all the time. Coz if he did understand how much I love him, I dun think he'd say 'why not just break up.' or, 'You know what? Just go find a new boyfriend if you think I'm not good enough.'
These stuffs just break my heart la. One thing, I AM NOT THAT CHEAP! I only love one. And the one is he. By asking me to go find a new boyfriend, also suggests how he sees me at. Though it may seem like he's giving me the freedom of choosing... It more strongly suggests how much he treasures me. Hmm.
Oh wells. Not really ready to go back to being happy yet. Just afraid of more heartbreaks. And... ya, just give me sometime...Let my wounds heal... Before I can truly tell you that I am happy. It really doesn't depend on the 'sorry's and apologies and all.. But really, it depends on how you treat me normally. Not in different places, but everywhere. Really.
Okay, wells, you know, I really love you. Sigh. If there's a stronger word to the word 'love', I'd use it. But for now, this should do. Just... do me this one favour, sigh.
Meanwhile, I shall just... Continue being sad.
It's like, he becomes a totally different person when he's in a different place. Usually, he's... Angry and displeased at everything... Sometimes he even gives me a threatening look. Sometimes, he tells me to shut up. Sometimes, he tells me to go away. Sometimes, he says, "Why don't you ever listen to me?" Sometimes, he just refuses to answer my question and continues being pissed and angry at me.
But when he's at a different place, he....changes. Which is kind of freaky. And kind of.... weird for me. He tells me about his day. He loves saying 'whee!'. He doesn't give me any threatening look. He has those warm eyes. He smiles. He just becomes totally different.
I don't really understand why, and I don't want to make any assumptions here. I know how sick it feels to be misunderstood. But sometimes, misunderstandings are truths that people hide in them.
Amazingly, I still love him. Yes, despite all that drastic change sort of stuff. I'd really like him to be nice and warm most of the time though. Wonder if he ever sees my blog. Maybe he does. But he doesn't really notice that I type that I love him all the time. Coz if he did understand how much I love him, I dun think he'd say 'why not just break up.' or, 'You know what? Just go find a new boyfriend if you think I'm not good enough.'
These stuffs just break my heart la. One thing, I AM NOT THAT CHEAP! I only love one. And the one is he. By asking me to go find a new boyfriend, also suggests how he sees me at. Though it may seem like he's giving me the freedom of choosing... It more strongly suggests how much he treasures me. Hmm.
Oh wells. Not really ready to go back to being happy yet. Just afraid of more heartbreaks. And... ya, just give me sometime...Let my wounds heal... Before I can truly tell you that I am happy. It really doesn't depend on the 'sorry's and apologies and all.. But really, it depends on how you treat me normally. Not in different places, but everywhere. Really.
Okay, wells, you know, I really love you. Sigh. If there's a stronger word to the word 'love', I'd use it. But for now, this should do. Just... do me this one favour, sigh.
Meanwhile, I shall just... Continue being sad.
