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Oh, the horror.
Damn I am such a failure. I tried to make ice cream today but the stupid milk refuses to freeze. Damn you, milk. No wonder my stomace hates you so much. Jerk. Then I tried to make myself a new handphone pouch (Because jun yup didn't get me a new one*) and i ended up wasting a nice amount of cloth. Shit.

Been alone the whole damned day. Time passes like constipation whenever you're suffering. I tried to eat lunch at 12pm, deluding myself that it's lunchtime and time will soon pass. But no, it was still a crawl. Plus, my smses weren't getting any replies. Send, send, send, no reply. I'm at home banging my head against the wall already.

Imagine not having anyone to talk to... for a whole day....

Then mum came home, giving me a fair bit of nagging.

She doesn't really care anymore, nowadays. I don't matter as much to her as i was.

It's as if I ever mattered to anyone. -shrugs-

Then, nobody sacrifices anything for me anymore. Not even my parents.

Dad finds it such a chore to drive me to school. Finds it troublesome to drive me home as well. They don't care how much stuff I have to lug home. They just want me home by a certain time and that's it. And there's nothing at home.

Mum and the stupid books. Mum's getting so stingy nowadays. Just because I got two books, she started nagging at how I'm wasting money. She actually wanted me to pay for the books. Tried to psycho me into returning the books after that, when I really really wanted to keep it.

Have you seen how many books I have at home? Very little. Very, very little. Most of them are academic related, and I swear those are the only books she'll willingly let me keep. And I wanted more books, I really am deprived. And I had to be scolded for that.

She only calmed down a little until I got all emotional on her and said, "Okay. I'll sell my 'Marley & Me' book, you happy now? I'll sell one book for each new book I get, you happy?"

My parents never really saw me crying, though I only cry at home. Not that I want them to see me cry. I wished they would know how I feel. I usually don't cry in public. Unless I'm that upset or devastated.

For those who have seen me cry, you've actually seen the worst periods of my life, so congrats to you. Not like it matters anyway.

They say a girl's tears are the most powerful weapon. Oh wells.

I've cried infront of my boyfriend only once, and he blogged saying, "Emoing in the canteen is a nasty thing to do."
So much for being powerful.

I thought tonight would be better than the daytime... And I couldn't be more wrong than that. Despite having free communication methods, i don't even get to have someone to talk to me properly. Everybody just.... goes away.

I guess nobody really cares about me anymore.

Yes, or maybe they only talk to me when they've got something to boast to me about.

I am probably the most unimportant thing in the world... Even to those whom I thought... loved me.

How my heart aches... for some shelter....

it's 10:55 PM now on Thursday, May 29, 2008



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