Today was a first time in a long time that I actually got really pissed with Dad and yelled at him.
What happened was this...

Mum accidentally hit the switch that, if unlucky, triggers a full house electrical trip. The switched turned on a few spotlights, without any trip. But the thing is, it was an accident, so she wanted to turn it off.
She ranted for a moment, emphasizing how worried she is that if she attempts to switch it off it'll cause a full trip. But then, Dad was too engrossed with the handphone that he didn't even bother paying attention to Mum. At the same time, Dad was running a scan on a really old computer we have[windows 95] and that scan takes freaking long.
In the end, since Dad got no reply, Mum hit the switch, and suay, the whole house tripped. This caused the old computer to shut down, resetting the scan.
Then when we had dinner, Dad was going on and on, complaining about how all the time was wasted just coz the scan was resetted. He kept saying, "Mummy lorh! All her fault la!"
Then Mum was like feeling so guilty, she kept saying sorry and that it was an accident, but Dad kept going on about how it was ALL HER FAULT.

I couldn't stand it anymore, partly due to some situation that cropped up earlier, and I was SO pissed off, I yelled, "She already said sorry lah!"
Dad, being the i-am-the-master guy he is, replied, "Ya la, the scan takes very long wan you know.... Mummy laH....."
So I got more pissed and yelled back, "SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT LA!" And glared at him.
Dad got a shock, said, "Huh." and went back to his business.

Seriously, Mum already warned us. If he was that smart then he could have prevented the trip. But no.... he had to ignore Mum's speech, and then blame her for it later.
That's so ridiculous.

Don't even know how guys think nowadays. Perhaps they aren't satisfied with having someone to love them, care for them. Mum does all the household chores on her own, sometimes with my help, but not Dad. Dad comes home and all he does is eat and sleep. At least appreciate the woman doing all the stuff that you don't need to worry about? Men just take their women for granted nowadays.

They don't want to admit their own mistakes. Hurt your feelings, and continue to do so without knowing. And why do they not know? Because they don't want to accept their flaws. They want to think that they're always SO damn great and do all the right things all the time. They should really take some time off their pretty faces, and appreciate those around them. Take some time to remember all that THEY have done for you.

What's more, during dinner. Dad was practically swallowing his rice; In the process, taking in lots of air into his stomach. He has REALLY bad eating habits, and that is what leads to all his fatness and bloatedness and always-going-hungry-ness.
Mum, being concerned, advised him, "Don't suck the rice into your mouth. Got alot of air like that... And chew before you swallow, it's better for digestion." [In chinese]
And dad was being so damn rude, replying, "Mind your own business." [In Chinese]
I glared at him.

I was hurt by his words, even though it wasn't directed at me. I could feel my mum's pain, the hurt in her heart she felt.
My eyes stung at that. And I held back my tears.
I've been through so much today, held back my tears several several times. I didn't have to cry. Nobody would know, anyway.
My boyfriend, he doesn't want to be bothered by these...

I am very happy when I get a chance to see Jacen. When I get a chance to talk to him even. But it's not really the same to him.
To him, I'm like an annoying bug, perhaps. I may be his girlfriend, I may be able to get his love at times. But the rest of the time, he tells me to go away. He tells me to leave him alone because he doesn't want to see me or talk to me.
And I wait.
I keep telling myself he has a reason for doing so.
But I don't want him to feel alone. Just like I yearn for comfort when I feel hurt, he must be seeking that as well. I lent him my ears, talked to him to distract him so that he won't think so much.
Yet, everything that had good intentions in them turn into insults to him, for some odd reason. His words, they pierce me like a thousand needles pierced into my flesh, yet I was still there for him.
He scolds me and says I'm hurting him, when what he says hurts me deep inside. I cry to myself, but he didn't need to know that.
I apologise.
And he says sorry doesn't fix everything.
A stab to my heart, and I pull it out myself and tend to my wound myself. He didn't need to do that.
Then he blocks me on msn all the time. He just blocks me heartlessly. No thoughts or considerations whatsoever with regards to my feelings. And I wait. I wait again.
He comes online after that, scolds me. And abruptly logs offline, without even saying goodbye.
And I cry to myself once again. He didn't know that.
I'm nothing to him when I'm not my usual happy self.
I don't even know what being his girlfriend is....
A sanctuary he only visits when he needs it?
A faithful follower? A servant?
A tag-title for just an average on-the-streets person?
Or is it someone he'll love, love to be with?
I will never give up on him, because he means the world to me. He's someone that I will love with everything I have. Never, will I give up.
But I really hope that he would at least wipe my tears away from my cheeks and say, for once, "It's alright, Kia... It's alright. I'm here for you."
Or maybe at least admit his mistakes when he has done something to hurt me, just apologise sincerely.
I really wished he would never ask me to go away, nor tell me that he didn't want to see/talk to me... And tell me to stay by his side...
[I will do it, really. I'll stay by your side, Jacen.]
I feel so alone whenever he asks me to go away, so hurt. I picture myself, sitting in a corner at a dark alley.... sobbing, sobbing... with nobody to pick me up.
Waiting.... Waiting for Jacen, my darling.