Damn idiotic
It's damn idiotic.
You know, it really breaks someone really hard when that person is in a relationship, and the other partner just keeps saying that he/she never loved you. Although I did survive a few rounds of it, I'm actually more shattered than ever.
The first time I heard it I didn't want to believe it, and I did when I clarified that he wasn't going to regret his words. Then there's really no point left... I wanted to give him another chance because I placed my trust in him. A chance, then two, then more, to fix me: pick up the pieces and glue it back all together. But no.
Whenever he had the chance, he would hang out with other girls, and not me.
And then, I gave up. I couldn't take it anymore, and I took it in that he doesn't love me and he never did.
It is hard to trust again. I don't know how to differentiate truth from lie; all thanks to the constant lies I've been fed and forced to believe. He just thinks it's all a joke, for his entertainment. So I've been struggling, to once again believe in the people around me.
And I wait for people to smile at me before I smile at them, because I fear rejection. I fear they won't see me as a friend. So oniichan, please, I would like to, but I still fear. You know what I'm talking about.
Yes, so I do feel good about a certain someone. But it doesn't mean I have to be with him. Liking someone isn't just about getting them to like you back, although that would be the bestest bestest thing ever. Such a thing isn't that easy for me. Coz there're like those 'elite chicks' out there (yes, oniichan), that guys can't resist. And as for me, I'm like, on clearance sale or something.
I fail at this really. But if I do get into another relationship, I'd love that person very very much, provided he does love me back. This i can promise. I just suck at getting them to notice me at all.
Liking someone is also about wanting them to be happy.
I'd cry, even is that's what you need to be happy.
I know I may not good enough for people, but I try.
And oh, oniichan, thanks so much for care.
You know, it really breaks someone really hard when that person is in a relationship, and the other partner just keeps saying that he/she never loved you. Although I did survive a few rounds of it, I'm actually more shattered than ever.
The first time I heard it I didn't want to believe it, and I did when I clarified that he wasn't going to regret his words. Then there's really no point left... I wanted to give him another chance because I placed my trust in him. A chance, then two, then more, to fix me: pick up the pieces and glue it back all together. But no.
Whenever he had the chance, he would hang out with other girls, and not me.
And then, I gave up. I couldn't take it anymore, and I took it in that he doesn't love me and he never did.
It is hard to trust again. I don't know how to differentiate truth from lie; all thanks to the constant lies I've been fed and forced to believe. He just thinks it's all a joke, for his entertainment. So I've been struggling, to once again believe in the people around me.
And I wait for people to smile at me before I smile at them, because I fear rejection. I fear they won't see me as a friend. So oniichan, please, I would like to, but I still fear. You know what I'm talking about.
Yes, so I do feel good about a certain someone. But it doesn't mean I have to be with him. Liking someone isn't just about getting them to like you back, although that would be the bestest bestest thing ever. Such a thing isn't that easy for me. Coz there're like those 'elite chicks' out there (yes, oniichan), that guys can't resist. And as for me, I'm like, on clearance sale or something.
I fail at this really. But if I do get into another relationship, I'd love that person very very much, provided he does love me back. This i can promise. I just suck at getting them to notice me at all.
Liking someone is also about wanting them to be happy.
I'd cry, even is that's what you need to be happy.
I know I may not good enough for people, but I try.
And oh, oniichan, thanks so much for care.
