Well, I'm recently back on facebook... And revisiting profiles that I haven't viewed for a really long time. It's quite cool to see how ppl can change over time.

I don't really think I've changed much. Especially in terms of appearance. But I think I've grown a lil bit more strong, physically and mentally.

I'm happier in NUS High. So much happier.

And I know some people really miss their old schools. Take Theodore Lee for example. At least, well, he had a good school life. My good school life only started when I was 15. My previous schools were all horrible, and I think that's because I didn't really have friends that give a damn about me. Either that, or I got shocked into an entirely screwed up person after primary school.

It's like, in my previous school... nobody even bothers to wait for me. Although I wait for people all the time. I wanted to be a paikia, or at least just that little bit. But I never succeeded in that. That's probably coz I wanted to get into the prefectorial or PSL board.

FAILED. I am so glad I could go to a new school then. I haven't forgotten any happy memories there though.

I'm actually scared of being left alone, scared of people not caring about me. When these sort of things happen, I feel like I'm slowly dissolving into the atmosphere... And before I know it then I'll be gone for good and nobody remembers me.

But then again, who really cares that much about me... I pray and pray everyday that I'd have someone who will always stay by me, to protect me, to care for me, to shower me with love.

When I get sick, I basically am left to rot off by myself.

I wanna go to school. Even if I'm sick I still wanna go.
Then maybe one day I'd faint right infront of everyone and see what they do.
They'll probably leave me there to rot off?

Sigh.

I first met this person 3 years ago. At that time we weren't really good friends. And special thing is, when The Ring got scolded, this person wasn't even blamed. But of course, why should we be blamed in the first place?

I've then been in and out of his life. And a year or so ago, I've decided to stay for good.

Thank you so very much for always appreciating the music I play on the piano. You're the first ever person that I can play infront of without any stress.

Everytime I see you, I just wanna smile and make myself happy and well. But that's only all I can do to delude myself.

The thing is, I don't think you'd care that much? Although I've tried. And no, you're still one of those who will leave me to rot.

iinchou, why do you do this to me?

I now imagine myself to be standing in the middle of a large field, with you walking away from me. And then I yell, "Why do you not care about me? Why? Why you?"
Broke down.

come to think of it, it has been a very long time since I cried. Yet now it just falls so easily.

Hurt in an unimaginable way, hurt in a new way.
I thought I'd never again cry after what had happened.

But what happened in the past is in the past. I am moving on. And I did, during my Japan times.

It's been at least 4 months.

I never wanted to admit that I liked you. Because I thought it was wrong of me to be thinking this way, because i already have a responsibility at that time.

But no, I wasn't going to be hurt by him again. And you gave me the courage to. You did.
And so, thank you.

And now, here I am, smiling because you are. Happy because you're there. Delighted to see you everyday.

And I really do like you.

Why then, do you do this to me?
Why?