I think I may have a slight hint of what I can do. It may be a good thing but sometimes it isn't, especially after whatever I've gone through.

I am more aware of things, I guess, to some extent. And it's like I can analyze things, even if they're really small. This may also lead me to raise suspiscions very easily, and making me unsure of a lot of things. Afraid to do things. Afraid to take risks.

Cassandra.... She was a prophet, whose predictions are always very true. Yet nobody believes her, and everybody ignores her.

I, perhaps, then, have been fated with the same fate of the original Cassandra.
Except the part where her predictions are always true. Mine aren't always true, but the points I've brought up are mostly valid and crucial. Yet people just tend to throw them away.

Is it a good thing to be constantly aware of yourself? To always be sure of what you're going to do, going to say, have done, or have said? To always be aware of my behavior no matter what the situation is?

But now, it isn't really a good feeling.

Anyway, it is amazing how what one person does causes a whole chain of events that has led to the opening of my floodgates. Those memories that I have slowly, painstakingly kept behind huge doors and barrier.... Just because of what one person did in less than a second, these barriers just collapse and all my past memories just came flooding back...

In these past 3 days, I've been feeling more alone than ever for this year. for the past three days, I've cried. Because everything just reminds me of the past. The cruel time where I was scarred emotionally. The cruel times that I have painfully lived through.

Everything. Everything just reminds me of the past. And I can't stop crying everytime I think of it. Every single time.

I want to just stay at home and look at nothing. To stay in my room so that nothing happens to remind me significantly of the things in the past.

But I had to go to school to be reminded of the past.

And there is no one. No one to even care about how I'd feel. No one to stand up for me. No one who genuinely wanted to bother about me.

I just want to sleep. For awhile I can cast away all these memories. And fly in a place where nobody hurts me. Where everybody smiles at me when I fly past them. Each of them giving me a hug like I actually mattered.

Please, for these few days, please don't do anything hurtful to me...
Please.
I am very very weak now, so please, if you don't want to care about me at least just don't hurt me anymore.
Everything reminds me of the past, and I cry everytime I think about it.

Please, don't hurt me.