Seriously, I wanted to run the cross-country today. So I was really disappointed that I couldn't run. Because I really wanted to... out of anger and frustration. And also, it's a chance for me to win something. I hope there is another one.

A group of us went to hang out at Aaron's place today. But first, we went for lunch at the shops places at Thomson.

Played Rockband at Aaron's house. Sang for awhile at the beginning then tried half the drums, and a little bit of the guitar. It was fun. But the whole thing was mostly dominated by Vanessa and Theodore. Theo made himself sick throughout the madness.

The first thing I did at Aaron's house was to play with Clara the hamster. I miss the feeling of holding a hamster. She was being extremely tame. So it was a really good moment then. Had to put her back in the cage because Dalton licked her a little and Theo says I gotta put her back. =(

Went home slightly after three. Then showered and went out again, to my favourite place.

The airport!

Was so excited and I arrived early. Went to the viewing gallery (my favourite place) and sat there. Watched the planes and read a book. A romance novel.

Waited for a while before Vanessa arrived. She wanted to get something light, so we went to Ya Kun kaya toast. She bought a plate of toast and I got two. Probably because I was emo and that's what I do. Eat.

Chermaine arrived soon and after eating we went to find the people. It was quite a shocking moment, I guess, to see someone leave. I mean, we all know we'll be able to see her again at least once but still... She's leaving. Left.

But I guess it's these moments when you really know that you mean something to someone, anyone at all.

If next time I realise that my life sucks way too much here and I do migrate... I wonder if there'll be anyone besides me family that will show up to see me off. If there is, I will cry, really. And feel guilty for leaving them behind in search of a better life.

Overall, I would say today was something new. A new experience and another lesson learnt in life. But I wouldn't say that I enjoyed it, except the sitting at the viewing gallery part.

I am certainly numb to most of hurts inflicted upon me. Everything just feels like the prick of a needle. But now it's really annoying me that there are so many pricks all the time. And yes, it does hurt to have so many needles pricking me at one time.

Like today. I almost couldn't take it anymore. Want to leave, leave and not come back. I'd rather not know or experience certain stuff. I'd rather be kept in the dark and delude myself with my own beliefs, and lean on my own trust.

I think I'm getting tired. Wings are tired.

Yep, that is certainly the title of a song.

I think I can't always have a good day all my life. Sometimes there are bad days as well. Bad days where I can't do anything about them. Just because they can be avoided, doesn't mean I can always avoid them. This is due to a certain factor as well, that obviously have no clue how much his actions will determine how my days go.

I wanna hug TY~

Well, okay, that shall be my 11^th wish.

Sigh. I just wished there weren't anyone else that complicates things?

Need to talk.

I just finished writing on an A4 paper. Proud of it coz the handwriting is uniform.

Yea well, just a short post today because Cass not very happy today.

Ciao.

You're the sunshine that brightens up my life. You're the sunshine that warms my heart. You're the sunshine that falls on my face and makes me smile.
The sunshine that dries up my tears.
I am the star that aspires to be like you, for you, one day. J

I like the 'put the lime in the coconut song'. It's so cute. >_<

Okay... So... I really don't know what to type here.... But let's try.

I feel like I'm not really who I imagine myself to be. Or like, what I want to be. I'm just trying to run away from stuff that are bad to me, and assume a viewpoint that doesn't hurt me. In a way, that is good as in, I won't have any disappointment and thus will not be disappointed. Yet, it is bad because it's like being selectively blind and I don't face stuff. I just wished that everything can be settled and all.

Sigh.

What is going to happen at Tioman, really? I really cannot imagine. I wonder if my efforts in this are going to be worth it. I wonder if anything good will happen to me because I put in effort. For once, I get something for the effort that I have put in. This time, even if I did not have any expectations, I suppose I will still be upset.

So near, yet so far.

Substance fading into nothingness. Emptied gradually. Slowly. Painfully.

One day.

This reminds me of my main worry: Will anything change?

I honestly hope nothing would. I'm satisfied with now, and I could be happier. But if I cannot be happier this way, then I do not want to risk it either. Because this means a lot to me. Perhaps it's one-sided, but by still being there, it gives me a calmness almost nobody can give me. So you're actually subconsciously giving me something to be happy about.

Somehow, I wished you would turn and reflect.

Today was nothing really much to be happy about. But I received my first letter for this year, I think.

There's a mock AP tomorrow that I have to sit for. Hmm.

Sigh.

You still worry me more than ever. Especially right now.

Alright. Time for a post.

Today was sort of boring. Nothing really special happened.

Mel still owes me something and she's the only one left who hasn't completed her details. And that is seriously annoying on my side. Countless reminders and still, nothing.

Today I watched a Korean drama with my Mum. And there was this guy who said something like that: "I have loved you for a very long time. But I regret it. If I could just erase that part of my life, there's nothing more I would like to do."

Probably summed up what I have never had the courage to voice out.

But nowadays I've been having a little more glow in my life. And a shadowy part of it always ruins the whole beautiful picture in front of me. Belonging to someone is always so... safe. To me, that is. And I chose to belong.

Thing is I do get tired sometimes, but I am happy that I can be strong enough to overcome those. It doesn't seem so bad now that I get patted on the head now. Hahas, being cryptic again.

Looking at the asymptote, and planning to destroy it. Destroy it without screwing anything up. Such that if I can't destroy it, I can still keep flying below it without dying.

Someone said good night.

Good night to you too ^-^

Sweet dreams tonight...

Everytime I look at the stars, I think of you.
Everytime the night wind blows, I hear your voice.
You taught me about the stars and the planets,
You love the night sky.

Did you see that shooting star? I think... I've fallen for you.

Ah, the night sky is always so fascinating.

Can't believe my luck today, but it was still a reflective day.

Started off with boring little stuff, then it was the long awaited long break. It was during this break that was quite unpleasant.

It all started with bio AP class. It was SO annoying because of this one person that I would nickname 'Blubby'. I'm sorry but I have never even liked this person before because he pisses me off all the time. He bumps into me roughly and never notices it. And why did he bump into me? All because he was fighting, or poking someone, or just plain careless. And he doesn't even casually say 'oh sorry sorry' like any other person would. I pretty much dislike him.

And today during bio class, he kept asking questions that would only apply to himself. Then, Dr. Tan had to cater to his needs and waste our time answering his question, while we all were waiting and waiting for the answer sheet to show again. So annoying.

Then in the library he was there again, tilting and rocking his chair right in front of me. Too bad the chair tilted too much and fell to the ground. Lucky the chair didn't break.

The recent thing that ticks me off about him is how his harem always appears at almost anytime at all. Plus, they're always so freaking noisy and they sprawl around like they pissed the border. It's like so weird, because they're in a bunch of year 6s and they're there acting all kiddish.

Which was also what happened today, especially after Theo went to have lunch. Plus, the SSEF guys were back and the library reached an all-time noisiness. I had so much trouble watching House. Also, I had to shield part of my eyes because what was going in front of me made me so sick.

It's no wonder two people click so well. They're the same type through and through.

I left the library soon after, and concluded that the canteen was much quieter than the library is. Can't stand it la. They want to talk then go outside scream, yell, howl, and cackle la! Why do it in the library? And why don't Blubby go get himself and throne and sit himself at the amphitheatre while his 'sexy, hot babes' sprawl all over him and give him hot tickles. One could even bring a bunch of grapes.

Sheesh.

The talk today was quite boring. I wonder what was the point of the talk. The title was about language, diversity and stuff like that, but in the end it was about Korea and English. I don't really understand why the conclusion is so unrelated. Please lah, the teachers weren't even bothered. They were more obsessed with watching us.

Had a gamelan party thing, but it wasn't really all that great lor. Only took one slice of pizza. Spent most of the time gossiping, bitching, talking and bullying Fatinn. But the talking parts were good, I guess. Some parts of it made me realise something about myself, made me calmer, and made me relieved.

I should be more like Fatinn and live life with that kind of ZEST, you know.... Just go all out. Dress up, go out to shop, party with friends, and basically just taking chances and making good use of opportunities. Then I will have a DAMN vibrant life and all.

Speaking of Fatinn, we had this conversation where she was trying to tell me a story. The starting part was hilarious and...

Fatinn: Hey you know, you know.....
Cassie: Ya, ya! I mean, not really........... Sorry sorry, I lied.

Lol.

I love you!!!

-hugs-

We've got Silver for SYF. Well done, NUS High Gamelan Ensemble!

I will finally not have any troubles regarding gamelan. At least, for now...

Saw Mdm Rohaida today, and also Mr. Iswandi. Mr I still thinks Leroy's playing the kempul. Lol.

Oh by the way, makeup today was SO thick I had so much trouble removing it without any remover. I decided to leave the eyeliner there because if it's not removed properly, I'll have panda eyes. So, I returned to school looking goth.

Ate lunch, then went for Math class. Found almost everyone sleepy-eyed and sprawling across the table.

Was happy being in class. For obvious reasons other than looking at numbers and discussing Tioman.

Speaking about Tioman, there's something seriously wrong with myself! I missed out myself during the counting and thus have 13 people right now. OMG.

But it's settled.

Yesterday I had a nightmare. I dreamt that I kept doing and doing examination papers that were the exams. And it never ends. One paper after another with 10 minutes break in between. Damn freaky.

I used to always fly with someone beside me. When one day, I do not have anyone. I faltered, and I was scared. I was lonely, I was sad. Now, I'm flying with my own wings, flying to places I want to reach.

Flying alone isn't as scary as it used to seem.

And now, I even have a home to return to.

Just a random though above, typed it down before I forget.

Hahas. Yea, I love him.

(But so what?)

Body aching all over. Been such a long time since I felt this kind of muscle aches. Which is pleasant to a certain extent because it means that my muscles are growing. I need more muscles then can be stronger. And thinner and not grow fat.

Then I get prettier and heehee.... (childish alert.)

I went to library and read through some books. Then i got motivated to study.

I WILL STUDY!

But of course, I will never neglect my friends.

Revising my previous announcement:

People who flame me on my blog should go away.

And I thus nullify the announcement made on the blog the previous day. This is to credit Mr. Hyphen, for his/her unflamed comments.

I should consider just removing the board completely until people learn how to behave. Or wait till flamers get sick of waiting for the tagboard.

Today was fun to a certain degree.

Well, for one, I'm glad that there's someone who is understanding me well now. I don't really care if it was coz she has to.

And also, went out with buddies for dinner. And had a good chat about shows. Ate at subway, fantastic meal!

And to add to the list, I talked to RuiHan korkor today! Plus, I got a phone call from another person that lasted a short while.

And Tioman details are collected well.

These stuff really cheers me up when I'm down. Or like when people are trying to push me down. Or person, actually.

Hmm... starhub.

Also, the downsides of today include having Bio lesson extend for 1 whole annoying hour.

And not managing to queue for Ben and Jerry's.

Wow.

I think kor's a really great person. I mean, Ruihan korkor the kor.

Sigh. I feel so loved sometimes.

And for critical annoying-mouses, I mean, anonymous-es, that 'Sigh.' Is a sigh of relief. Yea, now you can't judge me based on that and say that I'm having a problem with being loved or something.

It is DAMN annoying how hypocritical people tag anonymously on my tagboard. Especially if they mean to flame me in one way or another. Yet at the same time, describing themselves in their own words.

And what right have they to comment on how or what I am when they don't even know me in person? Well, if anybody did know me, they wouldn't be tagging anonymously. As if they'll be afraid of speaking to me. Those who just pass by and flame anonymously are just idiots. And they annoy me like ants do. I guess only cowardly people do that. And like, if you did want to tell me something but is too chicken to, at least put some effort into disguising yourself? Like 'Passerby' or something, and not like some punctuation or single letters. It just shows how much of an idiot you are.

Well, I didn't want to put this on the tagboard so I shall type it here for all to see. Firstly, tagging anonymously is childish in a sense. And Secondly, how is not expecting anything from someone being selfish? If you assume I'm selfish just because of something else, then I bet you're twice as selfish as I am. And if you're so mature, then you shouldn't be such a coward like that.

On to the real stuff.

Had a slightly enjoyable day today. Some things are really annoying but I think I shall just be able to handle it soon.

Today's performance was sort of nice and weird at the same time. Of course there were the good ones, but there were the appearance-wise weird ones and the singing-wise weird ones. I think I like Kylie and Cancy's the best. It was a good song.

And that's about it for today.

A short announcement:

Anonymous taggers please get off my blog, thanks.

I pretty much wasted my day today. Well, at least nothing bad happened, which of course made me really happy in more ways than one.

It was productive today because I finished my English essay! Then I proceeded to do research on a few colleges. Found out that it really is a challenge if I were to want to study in Australia next year. I really like Wisconsin-Madison... but what are the odds? Man, seriously.... They have really high expectations and all. I look at my school's CAP and I'm now like kind of worried if I am able to get into a decent school. I only have one goal in mind now and I'm dead set going to get there. I don't really want my backup plan.

We further discussed Tioman. It came, really, as a very pleasant surprise as it was sign that we're in this together. I'm really glad that I managed to get the plans all set and now we're at the confirmation stage already. We have a sudden influx of people, and are able to meet our goal! Smiles to us! So yea, it's coming along pretty well. He is suddenly really comfortable about the 16 people thing, and is urging for Quad. I am really pleasantly surprised.

It has been so long since... I am that surprised that much. Maybe it's because I have almost no expectations. Or I do, for him to do what he is supposed to do, but although I wish for it, I don't expect it to come. Eventually, it does happen. I'm very, very glad.

I think I'm beginning to be able to trust again. And that is only for one special person who has showed me that people are trustable.

I also think I should not have any major expectations for myself during the trip. All I want is for my friends to be happy and enjoying themselves. That is what I feel now, that I can do for them. And for Ty, so that maybe like me, he can learn to trust as well. And you know what? He's not alone. It's strange how you can make someone less lonely, yet you feel lonely inside you. I guess that is what happens when everything seems one-sided.

No expectations except to make him happier. In a sense, I can learn to trust again because of him, and in another, I offer him my company whenever he wants. He is, though not obvious, offering me something not everybody can.

I don't want to leave him.

But eventually, whether we leave or not, is still up to him.

Screwed up my high school life pretty much. But I'm not going to let one person who hurt me once ruin the last year I have in high school. I'm going to fly with my best friend.

I breathe when I'm with you. You put a smile on my face when no one could. You have warmed my heart after the blizzard. I'm in love with you. And I will wait for you just for a bit. When the time comes, I still have to move on. But you will never be alone as long as I am alive.

I have always wanted to know why my life was made to be like that. A glittering pebble is nothing compared to the thousands of shiny stones. Yet I glitter. Just a little bit of light, but drowned by the rest. Why can't I be better? A better person? Someone who people will like.

Why is it that there is only one person who has ever told me that I'm awesome, sincerely? Not because I helped them in any way. In fact, I pout and I throw tantrums and I am stubborn around that person. Yet.... I'm still being praised.... The more I think about that moment, the more I want to cry and tell them that that was the nicest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I don't want to be hurt that badly anymore.....

I envy all the lucky people who never had to go for the open house. Then again, it was a great experience, especially since it is going to be the last time I will be doing this for the school. I am very tired after the whole day of events. Had to run from gamelan to internationalisation, and vice versa. Fatso had some problems with me again, it's so annoying.

I admit I was being mean today, but I shouldn't be feeling bad. After all, he still hasn't apologised for hitting me. Why do I even bother with returning something left behind... I have my reasons for being like that, although he probably likes it and I like it more. But I just think it's rude to not apologise.

For your information, the bruise on my shin is still present, and it still hurts.

It was really hot weather today, but the hall was freezing cold. The concourse was like an oven even though ventilation is never a problem. I had a record number of phone calls today, like about 17 or so? And a record number of sms-es in a day ever since the year started, about 5 or 6? But that was all because the gamelan people were desperate to find me, and Eugenia was bored, and Mum was missing me. Sms-es were all about gamelan, boring.

I think I did a rather good job today. Stowed my phone away so that I was uncontactable unless they find me. After all, if nobody really bothers to call or sms that often, there's also no need for me to constantly check my phone. I'm probably weaned off it.

The other type of good job was during the open house itself, except for one of the gamelan songs. Talked much with the parents, since they kept asking around to look for year 6 students. I usually get caught along my way to and fro the hall and concourse. Of course, most parents were really nice and ask relevant questions, but I'm sure there are a few that ask questions that will stun us la. There was this kid who asked her Dad why it was so boring. -_-

Wasn't performing optimally today though. Mentally stressed, and physically tired. Emotionally tensed. I feel like a dozen people right now, and not myself. I can't seem to pull myself together. I think it's because of the lack of a constant source of care and concern. Well, I guess that's what I am looking forward to in my life. The sooner I get a nice and caring (I emphasize this due to horrible past experiences) person, the better.

Then, I can be myself again.

Sigh.

Went home with the bio lab techs for a little while. It was awkward for a little while as I haven't been around them for some time. But it turned out to be alright.

Went home really tired. And I am now still very tired.

I miss The Horribly EmO. So sad he didn't go school yesterday, and has no duty today. Sigh.

It's taking so long.

And that reminds me. Nobody says good night to me. =(

Sad.

I really am breaking apart. Failing from the sudden overload of work and stuff to settle. Shutting down from thinking of solutions to solve them with. Breaking down from trying to solve them.

I'm feeling uber depressed today.

What's worse, I have nobody to talk to. Nobody who is willing to seriously just try to understand me for who I am. My closest friends are too busy doing their own things, too busy to even stop to listen to or understand me. What appears to be my closest friend now.... Never bothers.

Everything that is bugging me now has something that has got to do with Gamelan, except for one. And why Gamelan? All of those are related to the fatso, except one. That one involves Mario.

Tomorrow is going to be a hell of a day. I fear tomorrow. I hate tomorrow. I just want to fall asleep tonight, and wake up on Sunday. I don't want to face tomorrow.

My iGoogle has been providing me a forgiveness phrase everyday, so I've decided to do this. And leave it like that for a few days or so. It's the only chance I'm providing now for an apology. If not, I will never talk to whoever is involved again. Not even if it was in real life.

Someone who doesn't talk in MSN... I will never talk to in real life. What is the point of blocking someone on MSN and then try to communicate in real life? It makes no sense to me.

It was frustrating today that I was forced to say something. I don't even know why I should be bothered.

But I am so stressed right now.

I might have to go for the chemistry special module crap. I don't want to go. I want to be done with Chemistry this sem and just get away from it. I want to do internship, and I do not want to be stuck in school doing stuff that I do not enjoy. I don't deserve to spend my last few months in High School suffering.

I cry.

Daniel keeps absenting himself from school. I bet his attendance is going to be like, 60 or 70%. Everytime I want to find him, he's busy. Or he's too tired. I spend one hour trying to tell him something, and only managed to get him to the introduction of what I was going to say. Someone I can talk to, not.

And there's nobody else.

I'm suffering alone, again.

I might be happier like that. But then again, I am not happy at all. No, I don't miss you at all. I just miss company.

What I crave though, is more than just company. But then again, I almost never get the things I want in life.

For a change, I want to matter to someone, and to have someone who listens and understands.

I don't want to get yelled at anymore. I can't take this anymore.

I'm really at a loss right now. Somehow, I just wished I had a gift of reading people's mind. I wished I could know how certain people are thinking. I'm pretty tired of walking into dead ends over and over again. Maybe it's a false dead end or something, but every dead end yells at me to give up.

I want to keep walking. Keep going until I find and obtain what I want. But time is running out and I'm slowly losing energy. There's this asymptote in the friendship, at least for now. I'm flying so close to it, yet I can't cross it. I want to, I really do. Be something more than who I am now, and to be able to progress in that way. Others have been successful in that, why not me? Why can't I?

It's not like I haven't been putting in enough effort. I've done more than I ever have for just one person. I've shared more than ever with this one person. Yet I see no progress. I'm still flying near the asymptote, and no, not being able to cross it. Will it be another dead end? Should I just take people's advice and give up?

When has anyone ever done something like that for me? Bought me a gift for no reason at all? Really cared when I was upset? Truly liked me?

That of course, does not apply to my girl friends.

Just wished my life was simpler. Just have someone who I can devote my resources to, my care and my concern, and receive the same in return. Because I know I can trust in that one person.

What the hell is wrong with Gamelan!? Why the hell does it interfere with every single thing I do?! DAMN YOU, GAMELAN.

Mario ranks all the way up there with the annoying teacher in my previous post. He freaking scolded me when I told him I have SYF on presentation day. I felt like just telling him to just give me a zero for my presentation. Then it would be easier for both him and I. Then, I don't even have to waste my time doing some useless presentation.

He even told me TOO BAD, and told me to cab back.

WTH.

So damn you, gamelan. First, you interfere with my free time. Then, you interfere with my open house duties. And now what? Now my grades.

It is SO annoying I tell you.

And the way Mario talks. I have been really tolerant with him for a very long time. And today was the last straw. I don't like him, he sucks, and he's unreasonable. He doesn't have common sense, thus asking us to write common sense in our test. Maybe he thinks it's high level thinking when it's just instinct. Maybe he's just a damned robot who has no common sense programmed into him.

So, I have to NOT go for SYF, shame the school, just to make you happy and for you to give me my grades? Yea, that is such a great idea. NOT.

Other teachers just say that it's alright, that I can arrange a different time if I can't make it back. But Mario has to use this opportunity to flame me, to scold me, and NOT give a damn. He thinks that every person in this world owes him, that everyone must bow down and worship him. I guess that arrogance in your childhood hasn't gone away. Rather, you've just been hiding behind a mask, until some problem crops up and you order your subordinates to clean up your crap for you. Or you don't give them food.

Such a pain in the ass.

Luckily, Ms. Li on the other hand, understood my feelings and my difficulties. She offered a solution, just like that. Why can't teachers just learn from her. They should be less selfish and learn to compromise sometimes, not expect, all the time, that everyone should sacrifice just for you or your 'grades-giving rights'.

Stop all these nonsense. I'm sick and tired of being shoved around like this by you cold, un-understanding people in this school.

I wonder who the anonymous person is. However, that isn't the reason why I'm frustrated. I'm just wondering why there are so many (or perhaps just one?) anonymous people tagging on my tagboard. Why can't they just use their real names instead?

Went back to school at 4pm today, but I arrived at about 3.30pm. Spent some time writing a letter, main purpose was to be occupied. If I didn't distract myself like that, I would start seizing due to the high amounts of annoying energies around me. Which actually, came from one person. It increased significantly when another annoying person came along. I finished the letter just when I saw the players shift the instruments out.

I don't get it, and I certainly can't understand why some people are trying so hard to attract my attention. Deliberately making the same accidental sounds that I have caused is seriously being annoying. Trying to make me say something with regards to that, is even more annoying. Whatever. I can't be bothered, seriously. It's just like watching some comedy.

Indeed, my predictions were correct, especially the part about '30 minutes of listening to the teacher talk'. But of course, they did something different today.

Speaking about teacher. I absolutely hate the teacher. He annoys me so much, I feel like telling him that he's pregnant. I seriously can't stand him la! The way he talks as if he has absolute power over us, the way he talks to us in his inaudible speech, the way everything he says is always the same, the way he scolds for every single thing. Someone just get him away!

He doesn't even care about us at all, and all the knows how to do is pop by every 30 minutes or so. And then, he'd point out all the missing people (who left because of valid reasons), and nag at us over and over again about how everybody MUST be present. He always disappears when we're practicing, then come back and scold us like we're at fault. Seriously, can't he put in more effort to understand us? If not, I don't feel he's in a position to scold us when he doesn't even know what's going on.

He's the most annoying teaching personnel ever. I hope the nice teacher comes back soon and kick him off/away.

And today, he nagged at me again. Can he just stop asking me where the gong player is? Even if Cancy's busy with something, I CAN handle the gongs myself. It doesn't freaking mean that the world ends if someone in the team is not here. Sheesh what is his problem?

Just got notified today that gamelan has to be there for open house. I have a poster presentation in that day, the Internationalisation programme thing. I told teacher about it, and there he goes AGAIN, nagging and nagging at me. What the hell? Ms. Li informed us like, a week before, and I promised her I'd be there at the poster. And just because of this gamelan thing, you say I can't be there. So what? Just because you're fat, I have to break a promise with someone who approached me first? Do you ALWAYS cut the queue like that, like some 'moral' person?

Ugh. This is frustrating. I'm going to be up there at the concourse. Need me? Call me. I don't want to be hanging out at gamelan when all you guys are doing is slacking, talking, and screwing up. And I also have to put up with both teacher and another person.

Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!

Just leave me alone you annoying person! Stop nagging at us like we're babies.

Hmm... babies? Oh yes, he also said that next time we have a practice outside CCA time, he's going to write a letter or email our parents or guardian. Just look at how retarded it really is. We're JC students now! 17 or 18 or even 19 year olds you're talking about here!!! We don't need whatever retarded email from you. My parents will be annoyed that you're spamming their inbox, so stop being such an annoyance.

I can't believe a teacher can be THAT annoying.

I went on an adventure today.

Set off from home early, but reached school early enough. Ty just ended his morning assembly, and safely snuck out. I'm happy at this point, to actually manage to get Ty to agree to go on this particular adventure with me. Yes, with me, only.

I can totally provide you with a reason for only choosing him to come along with me, besides the more obvious but choose-to-be subtle point. I'm LAZY to find another person, and because Ty is the other chief in this. Actually, to me, he IS the chief, the Prince, whatever you want to call it. As for me, I just do what I can to make him happy.

Took 151 from school bus stop. We were discussing as to which bus to take, when I said, "The bus guide says 151." And the bus 151 drove past us. So we were having sweatdrops on our heads then. Waited for the next bus. Passed by a few familiar places, and we were supposed to alight opposite King Albert's Park, but we totally missed it because we didn't count the stops. The funny thing is that, Ty was telling me about how he used to go to the optic shop at a particular building/shopping center, and that was where we were supposed to go to. But we didn't alight because we didn't know that place was indeed our final destination, until much later.

So we went three stops down, and then 3 stops back up. Alighted at King Albert's Park. Ty was hungry so we went to the MacDonald's Plaza to have breakfast. It's a very cool/posh Macs Restaurant, huge, spacey, and two levels! They even have drive-thru! Ordered our meals, when I noticed that there was a police car using the drive-thru, haha!

Oh yes, before we ate, we met this China Auntie along our very short walk to Macs Plaza. She couldn't get a cab and she was running late. That was because she was standing at a very impossible spot, so we told her to walk all the way up some more. Went 1 bus stop back, and we decided to wait with her for a cab. It was during peak hours so it was really a tough wait. But we got lucky and I managed to flag one down for her! Too bad, the driver was Indian, and the Auntie was cheena. So we had to translate for her as well. It was worth the wait though, because she was really really grateful afterwards.

And it felt really good for us to help someone in need of help. I guess this is the first... time I'm having this sort of experience with Ty.

At the point, we still didn't know where the BTP building is. So I decided to check the maps on my phone's GPS. We stupidly realised that it was diagonally across Macs Plaza. Felt so diaoz.

Slacked for a little while, talked much about Patapon as we made our way towards BTP. Almost all the shops were closed. And WTS was just about half open, so we decided not to be mean and blast them on such a nice morning. Went to Fairprice (finest) to walk around a little. Was wondering why they added a 'finest' at the back, and we realised, oh, that they really put in much effort to arrange their items neatly and all. Couldn't find the sushi place in it. So much for finest.

Went up one level to look for supposed drinks. But we totally forgot about it because I saw the baking section and was drawn to it. So Ty tagged along. Found baking chocolate! But didn't buy it because I didn't feel like getting it then. He started reading the can label of some canned cherries and exclaimed a little while later that it doesn't make sense.

I read it once but found nothing wrong with it, until Ty pointed out several areas of contradiction. And I felt so noob coz I couldn't even realise them! Sigh, a Literature student is a Literature student. I failed my Lit.

After a little while we went back up to WTS, when they were finally fully open. Stepped in, and there were no customers at all so I guess we are the first! Looked for Ms Eve Yeo, who turns out to be the out sitting at the corner. Well, she was really nice and the discussion went well. Got the price down, and the plan customised. Now I need to gather information.

Didn't talk for a very long time, then we decided to head back to school.

Sat in the library until lunch time came. Then Aaron brought us to NUS for lunch. Ate the regular. But it was really warm there. Saw Ms Koh Li Ling!!! Yays!

And then we headed back, to the library. I played games, Ty played his (actually, mine)... And they suddenly got interested in Cooking Mama. Haha!

After that was Bio prep class.... I slept through part of it. Managed to answer the questions though, and did not fail it, lol.

Headed back home with the gang, all the way to Pasir Ris. And a nice bus down all the way home.

Tired, really.

But I really loved today!

So happy that I finally got Calc mock AP over and done with. It wasn't as killer as I initially thought it was, though there was challenge in the paper.

People think I cut my hair today. I wonder why, but I suspect it's coz I put a little bit more fringe on one side, and abandoned my nerdoclip. I only use the clip when the fringe comes down and obstructs my vision when I'm trying to focus.

Had a bio talk today which was sort of boring. Didn't really get what the guy was trying to convey. Like, the main point in the whole presentation. I catch no ball at all.

After the talk, I decided to go shopping. Found Angela at the bus stop, and she decided to follow me to shop! Yay for shopping buddy! I caught up with her more about recent happenings, but I think I was being totally random. I jump from topic to topic, and go back to the previous topic. Lol.

Bought edibles at Giant, and a bribe. I'm going to use the bribe tomorrow. Hehe, evil grins! Oh wells, I wonder what will happen tomorrow. I wonder if he will really accept the gift/bribe. Actually, it's not really a bribe, it's just something to thank him with, and also, giving him something so he won't feel so hungry all the time.

Went grocery shopping with mum just now. Bought cream, going to try to make desserts soon.

Forgot to look at action city today. Aww man, how could I? I'm an Actioncity fan!

Hmm....

Oh oh oh! Why do I have so many anonymous people posting on my tagboard?

I couldn't sleep well last night. Felt like all my muscles were tightened and tensed up, and I have no idea why. I'm still like that as of now... Oh boy.

There's exam tomorrow!!! Ganbatte everyone~!

And then there's lunch. Really happy because I've been invited for lunch!! >_< I'm so excited!

OH wait, I still have to settle Tioman with Theodore, and make sure he goes to WTS on Wednesday. Also, my aunt has given me valuable information and now I know how to properly book for a group of people.

I finally passed the crazy level for Elite Beat agents. Now, there's a higher stage with the Divas singing instead of the Agents. Don't really like them though they are cute.

Hmm... Having the freedom of being alone isn't really all that good.

I miss those days when I have someone to be concerned about. Now I've got nobody but myself. It also isn't such a bad thing, because I can let my mind rest. Although, I wish I could have someone beside me.

This leaves me frustrated because I'm having swirly eyes trying to handle and settle everything, while the Prince just sits in his lounge chair and watch golden tweeties fly past. He didn't even ask me or offer to help me in any way possible! Would it kill him to just go out to WTS?

Oh yes, speaking of Wednesday. DAMN YOU, GAMELAN. Why the freaking hell do you have to take every possible FREE day away from me? I know SYF is important, but you know what? I think my trip, and my Prince is more important right now. And travelling to and from school isn't as easy as you think it is, just cause you can rot in the hostel.

Imma verbally spar anyone who dares come and tell me I'm unimportant.

On top of that, you guys aren't going to play the same two songs for TWO hours?! Oh wait, you are. But I'm going to be so damn sure that you're going to waste an hour slacking, half-an-hour listening to Mr. Milton's mumbling, and then, half hour of play. Which I totally hate because, oh please, I take 90 minutes to get to school for such stupid stuff. And another 90 to get back home. Are you crazy!?

If my Tioman trip fails because of Gamelan, I'm so going to sell the gongs.

I'm angry with gamelan now. It sucks my life out of year 6 and school.

I want a hug. Right now. =(

Wow. Time flies, heh, and I'm here again. I said Happy 11^th to myself =)

5 more months before I turn 18 and can officially receive my 'adult' status!

I love the 11^th.... T_T

Do you?

^-^

I packed my room up today. So it's slightly neater now.

There's an exam on Monday! Oh no!

And I played more songs on the recorder today! Bratja from FMA and the Spirited Away theme song can be played! Anybody interested in playing it too? Lols.

To commemorate the 11^th, let's have the list of 11 things!

By the way, I added the 11^th dislike in the previous post (JUST!), courtesy of Angela, who smartly came up with it!

There we go: 11 things that make me smile

1. When The Horribly EmO isn't emo, and his smiles
   
2. When I'm hugged or when I receive a gift
   
3. When someone stands up for me
   
4. When I see a rainbow
   
5. When people compliment me =)
   
6. Stitch, and bunnies
   
7. Love
   
8. Red and Black trinkets
   
9. Sapporo Potato spices snack
   
10. Gamelan and the juniors in it (except the draggy times)
    
11. The number 11, untainted.
    

Thanks Daniel who spent time talking to me yesterday. So touched because he always is so busy yet he still managed to find time to talk to me yesterday. Or maybe that's because I helped him with his Chemistry report.

Thanks Aaron who also talked to me and gave me encouragement when I most needed them. You've kept me strong and helped me persevere through all the tough times. Wouldn't have held on till now if it wasn't for you.

Thanks Angela, who never fails to cheer me up. You've never stopped believing in me, and never stopped standing up for me. Thanks!

Thanks Irsyad, for allowing me to rant when I'm super duper tensed up. For letting me bully you with the 'You Lost' hand signs.

Thanks Annabeth and Eugenia for standing by my side. Eugenia, you're always there and being so very tolerant, thanks! Annabeth, for popping up at random times but always always at the right times when I most needed to hear whatever things you say, thanks!

Thanks Pin Lin for being so quiet when I announced to you that you were going to be the next gongs player. I really appreciate that you didn't run away!

Lastly, thanks Theo, for your smiles.

Cass likes:

1. Apples
   
2. Bunnies and Kitties and Giraffes
   
3. Stitch from 'Lilo and Stitch'
   
4. Friends who smile at me
   
5. Vector art
   
6. Modern love songs
   
7. Youtube
   
8. Gamelan and Astronomy and Biology
   
9. Red and Black
   
10. The Horribly EmO
    

Dislikes:

1. Magikarp and Wigglytuff
   
2. Milk
   
3. Bananas
   
4. Being alone and cold
   
5. Aggressive guys
   
6. Excessively lazy people and people who steal
   
7. Pimples
   
8. Homework and more homework
   
9. Being yelled at over and over again
   
10. Wasting time doing nothing, when I could be doing something I enjoy
11. those who Joke about stUff N lie abt everYthing like U-know-who =P [Gel came up with this, =)]

Good Friday. It's the first Good Friday that I got to wake up later. It's pleasant because I still got to go to church AND get more rest at the same time. Church was cool, the drama part was awesome and it gave me a better insight with regards to understanding the meaning behind Good Friday.

Went back home to watch House and play DS. I still can't pass the last level of Elite Beat Agents. Mum watched Korean drama the whole day, and Dad slept through the entire day. When he woke up at 6pm, he thought it was 3pm. And guess what? He still feels tired and is probably sleeping now.

Got a little bored so I played the piano. Playing the piano nowadays give me a stronger feeling, because I know that for once, there's something I am relatively good at. Who cares about being a million times better than others when it comes to piano? Being relatively better is good enough. Also considering I haven't had any lessons in more than a year and I am still able to play at a consistent standard, or a good grade 5 standard.

Then I played the recorder. It's a simple, excessively easy instrument to play. It's a good thing they're being taught in primary school, and it is one instrument that can be obtained cheap. My favourite song to play on it is still 'Under the Sea'. Hahas. My doggie likes it too! Whenever I play it, he starts doing his singing thing. I bet he's tone deaf because he is never in tune with the recorder.

Went out for dinner with the family. And when it came to the topic of dessert, I refused because Dad wanted Ice Kacang, but I don't want it because I don't really feel like eating it. So I said, "Nah, I'll drink the Pepsi Light when we get home." And my Dad smartly said, "Oh! It's going to finish soon."

O_o

I was thinking like, "WHAT THE HELL?!"

First, he opened my bottle of 7-Up raspberry without telling me. Second, he finished the whole bottle by himself without telling me. I didn't even drink a simple drop of it. And what the hell it was finished in like, less than a freaking week. And now he tells me he opened MY bottle of Pepsi Light and almost finished it. I got so so so angry.

I can't believe it la! I mean like, he's my Dad and all but still, I was looking forward to opening MY bottles of drinks and enjoying it. But how could he finish off one of my bottles and NOT tell me, and then open another and NOT tell me, and on top of that, going to finish that bottle?! This is just rude.

To think I never had to label my bottles in hostel, and they never get stolen. At home, I dun label them and then they get stolen. So now, I'm going to label all my drinks and shriek if Dad touches them without telling me. Besides, he's growing so fat and he shouldn't drink that much sugary drinks. Even Mum tells me when she's going to take or borrow something from me.

Speaking about drinks, I had a bad day with the tummy today. Was lazy to make a morning drink (my mum insists that I have to drink something in the morning.), so I grabbed a Milo packet from the refrigerator. Not expired, by the way. I attempted to drink it slowly, but mum was rushing me so I downed it really fast, but still couldn't finish it. Guess what happened later? Yea, tummyache. I guess I really am, to a certain degree, lactose intolerant.

Sigh. This is sad.

I do hope Theo goes to WTS with me because I don't want to go alone.

Today was more manageable than I had expected it to be. Didn't see Theo for a whole day today, and three more days to go. Then there's Math Calculus AB exam on Monday, which then I'll be able to see him. But I still need him to go to WTS travel with me to settle Tioman details with the agency that has a problem with replying emails. Sigh, wished I had seen him today, it's an extremely long weekend.

Of course, I'm typing all these because I strongly believe that Theo does not read this blog. And I am 99.99% sure he is never here.

Played lots of Gamelan today. It's pretty much too much for me, so much so that I am mildly sick of it now. At this moment, actually. Especially since we've been playing the same 4 songs over and over again.

Today was challenge because my entire day was spent with people I don't hang out with too often. The only brief break I had was during lunch, when I sat with Pamela, Vanessa, Charmaine, and Kenneth. Aaron dropped by soon after just for a short while and after that I never really saw the people I hang out with again for the entire day. I didn't even see many year 6s around.

But the day went fine, with much thanks to my juniors from Gamelan. Gotta type their names here... Fatinn, Pin Lin, Quy, Nguyen, Fabia... I hope I didn't forget anyone. Also, a few of the seniors who are also my school juniors (not CCA juniors). I think I dun need to mention them here because they know who they are.

Gained a few tips and knowledge here and there, which made it a really interesting day. Had to tie my hair up in a different way today, but it turned out to be alright. Well, I thought I'd look weird in that sort of hairstyle.

Oh oh oh!! I have finally appointed my future gong player, who is ALSO a girl. Who says girls can't play heavy instruments?! Pin Lin shall be my next gen! Also, anyone who is interested to learn the gongs please tell me also kk? Aiyah, I wonder why always nobody dare to play gongs.... it's alright wad...

There were two people who were unexpectedly awesome today. Not only did they make me happy, they made me feel more... sure of myself. Yes, that's the best I can describe it. I've always wondered if I was out of place or something, but apparently not... there are still people who think the same way that I do.

Really tired now. I just wished I had someone to say good night to, and actually get a reply. -_- But Theo has already gone to sleep without replying my sms about going to WTS travel next week. Man, is he really that tired?! Still, it isn't very difficult to give me a reply right... Zeds.

My phone really has some problem. It's screwing with my fate or something la. Every time I send an sms, I don't get any reply! Stupid phone. Shall ask my Dad for a new one when he feels like it. Next time, I'm getting Sony Ericsson. Samsung is weird and screwy.

Forgot to mention here that after a whole day of playing EBA, I still haven't passed that Imba level. That last stage thing. And it's all because the numbers go up to like, 13 and 14, and the balls are so close together you tell me how to press properly la... Plus, the balls appear so fast and gotta press fast. Wahliau.... Dun care. I'm gonna pass it. Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow.... Will I be remembered? =)

Sleep time!

*filling up the emptiness in me, You* =) Maybe.

Long long day today. I'm so tired again. Can't sleep now because my hair is still wet.

So anyway... I realised that my days revolve around one particular person, and it may be frustrating because it's going to feel so awkward when he's not around. Like, he won't be in school tomorrow and I'll probably be lost and all. Lost as in I don't really know what to do. Everything I do is around him, thinking if it fits with him. Sigh. What am I gonna do tomorrow except play gamelan.... Zzz.

I don't really like playing the gamelan now because I find it so uneasy to be in close proximity with people like Magikarp. Inside joke, sorry. Also, the teacher keeps trying to find fault with me. What's his problem la?! Don't be mistaken, I do love gamelan as a CCA. Just not how it runs.

I guess Eugenia is right about love being such a complicated thing. On one hand it is tiring for me to be liking someone who doesn't do anything, and most probably dun feel the same way. But on the other hand, doing something for him makes me feel like it's worth it or something. It's like this different thing that goes, "Aiyah... It's for him wad..." Being unreciprocated is still such a negligible factor, and I am close to giving up.

Told Eugenia about how not expecting anything always leads to pleasant surprises. Her reply was inspiring, along the lines of "It doesn't mean that if you fail in life once, you're bound to fail again." Told me that I should give it one more chance and allow myself to do things again and not be afraid. I'm quite touched lor, seriously.

Yea, I should give it a shot, but what if I lose everything AGAIN? What if I get hurt again? What if I fail to be someone that people like? [People here excluding Magikarp, and natural enemies.]

Yea, Eugenia is right. He isn't like what was in the past. He isn't that sort of person who would be like That, not the sort of person who would be aggressive and excessively violent. He won't hit me on purpose, and he won't bruise me on purpose. And he won't relate me to geylang-women.

But perhaps I'll still be left alone. Now, I know I am, but I know he will return. Besides, I've got no right to say that he can't go anywhere he wants. His choice.

I finally got down to rubbing my bruise coz it hurts much less now. But it's very obvious now sighs.

Tomorrow is gonna be a long day. Today wasn't really that fun. Term 2 actually isn't that fun, because it's just exams and more exams.

Ms. Bay just said something funny today. But I think she's being terribly nice by allowing Theo to have his way almost all the time. In the end, only my group went to type the names on her computer. Zzz... i really wonder how she feels. I mean, yea we do joke with her and all, but does she ever get pissed off? Or like, angry and complaining about us to the high-ups?

There's Calculus again tomorrow. 2 hours of it. I am so sick of calculus.

I feel like giving up, again. It's really no point working for something you know just won't come. But since I've started it, I guess I can continue with it. Maybe if the fates decide to be nice, they'll reward me in the end. If they don't, so be it. Seems like it's going to be a tiring time for me now.

Smile, Cass. You know he needs it. Or does he?

Actually I'm quite sad with the stats project. Realised that among the three people, I've got the lowest marks because of the personal reflections part. Overall, I've got one mark lower than Theo and Aaron. Sorta have that sinking feeling. Yea, I did a lot. Watered the seeds when Theo just couldn't be bothered to go up to water them with me. Wrote most of the report, spent $1.40 printing the report out. Handed it up. And what, I get one mark lower. Yea, just great. Excellent.

[Shit. Bruise is hurting now without me touching it.]

"I'll never hurt you."

That's what I see and hear, everytime I look at that face of his. Yea, he won't. He won't. Even if he did, I wouldn't know, would I? After being stabbed and sawed so frequently, do you think I will ever feel the pain of a pin prick, or a paper cut?

Losing it. Oh man, I am... I know I am.

Didn't get a seat all the way from Commonwealth to Kangkar. Seat on the purple line was robbed, twice. And also on the LRT. Yea... oh wth.

Drank pearl red tea, which cheered me up a little. For a little while.

I need to settle Tioman soon. And I really hope those people will confirm their attendance with me like, NOW.

I miss a warm embrace. Being away from it for so long, I'm finally feeling the cold in my bones. Wants a hug. But not gonna get it.

Who's going to be there to tell me that everything's gonna be fine? O_o

No, it's not fine. I'm working hard, I'm not getting anything. I don't expect anything. I desire something, someone even, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna get it. It doesn't matter. I'm just grateful I don't have to continue taking all that nonsense. Don't have to devote myself to someone who never turned an eye to me. I now see someone who turns to look at me. Occasionally, a smile, but that's sufficient. At least, there's some happiness.

Put our past behind us, is that alright? Is it really better to forget the past? Afraid of hurting, afraid of being hurt. Yea, I think that's what we are now. And I'm quite sure you've been through more than I have. And that's alright. You have me. Always.

Why am I always always pleasantly surprised....? I've never been more smiley than I am now. Never in the past have I been like that. Today was strange.

Finished the heavy workload stuff today. Chem report handed up and Stats project came to a close. Am very glad that our group got good marks for the project. At least, see, I didn't put in effort for nothing. Everybody in the group was happy, at least. Right? Presentation went decently too I guess.

Then after school was done, I went to look for person. We had a long talk, but it was quite good as it provided me with an alternative viewpoint. Enforced my points and was sent off to do what I have decided to do. So far it had been working, and Cass is a much happier person. Yes, I hope it finally stops.

There was a talk with Ms Yong from the high-ups. It was quite interesting, but not interesting enough I guess. Celine spent most of the time talking to me, topics ranging from Twilight to Med school. Lol. They had food afterwards, and the sandwiches were fantabulous.

Koped like, a few of them. Then immediately dropped my stuff at the gamelan area. I dun get why everyone else gets a mat to sit on while I don't. Wth. If my skirt gets mucked, they're gonna reimburse me a new one. Speaking about gamelan.

The teacher, that guy, started nagging at me for being 'late'. He authoritatively asked me, in his strong accent, "Vhy are youu late?"

Annoyed with how he never realised that there was a minister talk, even after numerous announcements made last week, I replied him, "No... I had a minister talk, with the secretary from the Ministry of health. It's a compulsory thing for year 6, and there were announcements also." And he had that weird look on his face that seemed to show that he really wanted to find some fault in it but couldn't. So, he went on to comment on how irresponsible I was.

How irresponsible I was to not go for practice and so the people don't know how to hang the gongs up. So then I said, "But I really couldn't make it for practice. The talk is compulsory and it's someone from the government." Then.... he replied, "Yaa... but dey donno how to hang the gong. Next time, at least number the gongs so dey will know to hang gong."

Annoyed to the max, I was like, "YA! I DID!" *points to numbers written on the gongs* Defeated, he still tried to find fault in me, "Then did dey hang up correctly? Correct not? Then she *refers to cancy*? She know how hang gong?"

Zzz... "Yes, the gongs are hung up correctly, and yes, she knows how to hang them properly." DEFEATED! He walked away.

Although, Cancy did get a few gongs wrong but there's no such thing as wrong because all I gotta do is to know which one to hit, that's all. She put them all in order anyway, so it isn't wrong.

Oh come on! Isn't a teacher supposed to listen to announcements and take note of such stuff?! Don't come and assume assume that I'm late just because you can't be bothered to read emails or listen to announcements.

And it's just so annoying how everyone in the SYF group stays in the hostel, so they don't give a care about what time they end? They just go on and on, exceeding time and all. Pissed off.

And it's coz of that today, that someone went off without me.

But I'm not pissed with that anymore. In fact, now it just puts a smile on my face. I am pleasantly surprised. Yep, it is working.

Come to think about it, it was a replay of what happened more than 10 years ago, isn't it?

Remember when I attacked a classmate when I was 5 or 6... In my preschool years I was always bullied, tortured by name calling, teasing, being exiled... Cried almost every day. Then after a couple years of tolerating these, something happened. There was once I couldn't undo the button of my uniform for bath time, so this girl started teasing me, calling me names, and mocking me loudly. Eventually, I got pushed to the last for bath time, with the teacher scolding me. Then this girl's laughing couldn't stop even after I told her to shut up.

So what happened?

I scratched her. Slashed her right across her face. It was so bad that if she decided to scratch her wound after scabs form, there would be a scar.

Got into trouble like that. Teacher called my parents, who didn't really scold me but sternly told me that I was wrong because I attacked her first. Teachers told me that they would put me in a box in the store room if I ever did such stuff again.

I dun understand why physically attacking someone like that would be a crime, but years of mental torture and verbal abuse is not wrong. Like, why is calling someone a 'bitch' acceptable, but slapping someone across the face is wrong? And like, why is it that stealing items from someone if wrong, but stealing people's girl/boyfriend is not wrong?

Was I wrong?

Maybe that's where I got my tolerance from. As of that moment there, I knew that my strength came from my anger. Or rather, from tolerating something for a long time. So I always try not to resort to any form of violence for anything.

Until like, recently. Even so, I already warned him.

And no, I am not wrong in that sense. I attacked because I had enough of his rudeness. I WARNED HIM.

Him attacking me twice was the wrong thing.

Oh, speaking about names and name-calling... Jun Yup used to call me a few crude names like Bitch, Slut, Whore, Cheap, and Harlot... All about me being some loose person and some sick stuff. Talk about him calling me that. Who was the one who got hooked up after less than a week? *WONDERS SARCASTICALLY* Who's the loooooooooose one? And even went deeper than that? Hmm..... Cass wonders. You should too!

The only good thing was after Gamelan was over, obviously. Went to eat at NUS with a bunch of people, very nice people. I didn't eat anything, but bought Oolong tea to drink. Tea is nice, but Melanie thinks otherwise. I told her that plain Tea without sugar is why I am still so slim now, haha. And she was like, "Oh shuddup..." Lol!

Eugenia was mostly being bullied, what with her 'pregnancy'. Haha. All of us were making fun of her... while, she was worrying about whether she should go for the SOM concert.

Went for astro for a very short while after the dinner, because of the concert. Theo's going too, and finally, Eugenia decided to go against her president and go for the concert. Ran up, and was almost late. I abandoned Eugenia because I didn't know where she went to.

Sat with Theodore and Weicheng throughout the concert. And J.ang and SRY was behind us sumore. Haha. Had a nice time, mmhmm. Sang songs!

The songs in the concert are nice, so the 10 bucks is worth it. Yeah. Was a happy person.

Went for astro after the concert and met up with the rest there. Ate a bit. And oh, I saw Saturn for the very first time! =D

That was basically how my day ended. Was a damn tiring day.

Zed.

After much consideration, I have finally decided to blog about this. A warning though, that the following blog entry WILL contain specific reports on a particular person, so if you do not wish to be offended or if you decide that I am being mean, DO NOT READ ON.

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------ START ------

Today was a supposedly fine day, but many things happened that really screwed it up much. Especially ONE particular happening.

Firstly, Stats project report was due, so I had to finish everything and print it out. Unfortunately, the printer at the library spoilt and thus I have to waste time to go to the com lab. And there, I wasted money too, because the stupid printer charged me 60 cents for 6 pages of paper, but only printed 1 for me. WTF. Can the school stop having spoilt equipment around? Stop cheating our money?!

But then, this is the event that really pissed me off. Star of this event: Tan Jun Yup.

He seriously has this problem of insulting people, especially me. Maybe coz that sorry asshole is being jealous or something. But seriously, he already has a girlfriend, who I shall rename her here as Teddy. Why the hell would he actually be jealous of ANYTHING that I do? Or even give a damn about who I meet or do stuff with?

See now, the thing is, he enjoys calling people 'stupid noob', especially me, for some unknown reason. I personally find it offensive and insulting. It isn't exactly the first time he said it, he's been calling me that since his friend educated him wrt that term. Obviously, following the advice of a professional, I constantly remind him that I do not like it and he should stop being calling me that/being rude.

But it didn't work after some time, so I told him that I will hit him if he ever called me that again. I'm not even his girlfriend now so I won't be that forgiving towards him, since I already warned him about it. About not calling me that because I get upset.

Saw him and Teddy at the library today. Actually, I was there first, before Teddy came and mingled with somebody else's harem. Then, Jun Yup joined Teddy. I was there innocently writing a letter. And this was how it all started, when Jun Yup walked towards me to talk to me. Topic of discussion: GAMELAN.

I didn't go for the session yesterday so obviously I didn't know anything. Then he asked me a few questions, but didn't know anything about the last one, so I was like, "I dunno la!"

And he, with his awesome mouth, said, "HA! STUUPID NOOB YOU!"

There he go, the just stepped on a landmine, so I had to fulfil my 'promise'. Swung my fist at him and at that level, kena him at his abdomen. I TOLD HIM ALREADY NOT TO CALL ME SUCH STUFF.

And being the 'nicest gentleman' (MY ASS AH!) around, he slapped/whacked my head damn freaking hard TWICE. TWICE. Ask Mel for witness.

I know I dun really feel the pain at all, due to my abnormal skull, but I do feel impacts and my head does move around upon force.

The best thing is, it all happened in front of Teddy. And Teddy never said anything. Like, wth? If you ever see your bf hitting a girl like that, won't you actually be worried? Like, what if he does whack you like that next time? Or like, how would the person feel? Maybe Teddy's same as Jun Yup. Either that or she has no courage to speak up, to share her views. So it's either that or her views are actually similar to his, thus she supports violence and insulting people for the fun of it.

I hate him. Damn alot. Yup, he sucks. [PUN]

Idiot he is. IDIOT. I don't see how it doesn't describe him after what he has done.

He think hit girls very macho arh? TMD.....

I went home and told my mum about it. And maybe i send email to people later.

Damn asshole person.

Yeah I totally should ignore him and all, but i want to put this here so that others can see what sort of a person he is. Ask Mel if you don't believe me.

There's a reason why I left him. Imagine if I didn't, I'll be stuck with a violent, aggressive, idiotic jerk. Who will hit me and all and not care how I feel.

------- END -------

I'm done with the complaining part. Shall talk about the funner thing tomorrow.

Perhaps this week isn't going to be a very good week. Sigh. WHY oh WHY. I just want to give up right now. Right now now now!!!

*sobs*

Okay, I was just doing a virtual sob. But damn, I really feel like giving up. The feeling now is so strong, I'm fighting hard against it. Because I know I can fight it. It's just a passing feeling I'm sure it'll be gone soon.

I freaking hate my phone. It never ever receives any messages at all, except crappy Bluetooth crap that probably contain viruses. I hate my phone. Not say it doesn't receive any messages. Almost all my messages are from people who want me to do something for them, and not like they really care? Every time I send a message to ask for some little bit of help, nobody replies. So sick of it. *GRUMBLES*

And what is so damn difficult about replying an MSN message?! I ask a simple question requiring only a 'yes' or 'no' reply, and you can't even reply that?! Omg like wth.

And Daniel is so damn mean. Hasn't even replied to ANY sms. Plus, he just pretends like I never sms-ed him. All he knows how to do is smile retardedly and talk to me like he's the only one with problems.

Zzz.

How I wished it was Monday math lesson zedzedzed.

I hate this week. Hate it for the pathetic amount of time I have. Hate how I always go home weirdly. And I hate the Math project. HATE IT!

What the hell. My back has been going on for 2 weeks. Whatever pain relieving patch the Doctor gave doesn't remove any pain at all. I hope it will not hurt anymore, so it won't give me a reason to crave anyone's care and concern.

Urgh!!!! This is so damn frustrating!