I pretty much wasted my day today. Well, at least nothing bad happened, which of course made me really happy in more ways than one.

It was productive today because I finished my English essay! Then I proceeded to do research on a few colleges. Found out that it really is a challenge if I were to want to study in Australia next year. I really like Wisconsin-Madison... but what are the odds? Man, seriously.... They have really high expectations and all. I look at my school's CAP and I'm now like kind of worried if I am able to get into a decent school. I only have one goal in mind now and I'm dead set going to get there. I don't really want my backup plan.

We further discussed Tioman. It came, really, as a very pleasant surprise as it was sign that we're in this together. I'm really glad that I managed to get the plans all set and now we're at the confirmation stage already. We have a sudden influx of people, and are able to meet our goal! Smiles to us! So yea, it's coming along pretty well. He is suddenly really comfortable about the 16 people thing, and is urging for Quad. I am really pleasantly surprised.

It has been so long since... I am that surprised that much. Maybe it's because I have almost no expectations. Or I do, for him to do what he is supposed to do, but although I wish for it, I don't expect it to come. Eventually, it does happen. I'm very, very glad.

I think I'm beginning to be able to trust again. And that is only for one special person who has showed me that people are trustable.

I also think I should not have any major expectations for myself during the trip. All I want is for my friends to be happy and enjoying themselves. That is what I feel now, that I can do for them. And for Ty, so that maybe like me, he can learn to trust as well. And you know what? He's not alone. It's strange how you can make someone less lonely, yet you feel lonely inside you. I guess that is what happens when everything seems one-sided.

No expectations except to make him happier. In a sense, I can learn to trust again because of him, and in another, I offer him my company whenever he wants. He is, though not obvious, offering me something not everybody can.

I don't want to leave him.

But eventually, whether we leave or not, is still up to him.

Screwed up my high school life pretty much. But I'm not going to let one person who hurt me once ruin the last year I have in high school. I'm going to fly with my best friend.

I breathe when I'm with you. You put a smile on my face when no one could. You have warmed my heart after the blizzard. I'm in love with you. And I will wait for you just for a bit. When the time comes, I still have to move on. But you will never be alone as long as I am alive.

I have always wanted to know why my life was made to be like that. A glittering pebble is nothing compared to the thousands of shiny stones. Yet I glitter. Just a little bit of light, but drowned by the rest. Why can't I be better? A better person? Someone who people will like.

Why is it that there is only one person who has ever told me that I'm awesome, sincerely? Not because I helped them in any way. In fact, I pout and I throw tantrums and I am stubborn around that person. Yet.... I'm still being praised.... The more I think about that moment, the more I want to cry and tell them that that was the nicest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I don't want to be hurt that badly anymore.....