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I’m being emotional

Seriously, I wanted to run the cross-country today. So I was really disappointed that I couldn't run. Because I really wanted to... out of anger and frustration. And also, it's a chance for me to win something. I hope there is another one.

A group of us went to hang out at Aaron's place today. But first, we went for lunch at the shops places at Thomson.

Played Rockband at Aaron's house. Sang for awhile at the beginning then tried half the drums, and a little bit of the guitar. It was fun. But the whole thing was mostly dominated by Vanessa and Theodore. Theo made himself sick throughout the madness.

The first thing I did at Aaron's house was to play with Clara the hamster. I miss the feeling of holding a hamster. She was being extremely tame. So it was a really good moment then. Had to put her back in the cage because Dalton licked her a little and Theo says I gotta put her back. =(

Went home slightly after three. Then showered and went out again, to my favourite place.

The airport!

Was so excited and I arrived early. Went to the viewing gallery (my favourite place) and sat there. Watched the planes and read a book. A romance novel.

Waited for a while before Vanessa arrived. She wanted to get something light, so we went to Ya Kun kaya toast. She bought a plate of toast and I got two. Probably because I was emo and that's what I do. Eat.

Chermaine arrived soon and after eating we went to find the people. It was quite a shocking moment, I guess, to see someone leave. I mean, we all know we'll be able to see her again at least once but still... She's leaving. Left.

But I guess it's these moments when you really know that you mean something to someone, anyone at all.

If next time I realise that my life sucks way too much here and I do migrate... I wonder if there'll be anyone besides me family that will show up to see me off. If there is, I will cry, really. And feel guilty for leaving them behind in search of a better life.

Overall, I would say today was something new. A new experience and another lesson learnt in life. But I wouldn't say that I enjoyed it, except the sitting at the viewing gallery part.

I am certainly numb to most of hurts inflicted upon me. Everything just feels like the prick of a needle. But now it's really annoying me that there are so many pricks all the time. And yes, it does hurt to have so many needles pricking me at one time.

Like today. I almost couldn't take it anymore. Want to leave, leave and not come back. I'd rather not know or experience certain stuff. I'd rather be kept in the dark and delude myself with my own beliefs, and lean on my own trust.

I think I'm getting tired. Wings are tired.


it's 10:58 PM now on Thursday, April 30, 2009



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