Long long day today. I'm so tired again. Can't sleep now because my hair is still wet.

So anyway... I realised that my days revolve around one particular person, and it may be frustrating because it's going to feel so awkward when he's not around. Like, he won't be in school tomorrow and I'll probably be lost and all. Lost as in I don't really know what to do. Everything I do is around him, thinking if it fits with him. Sigh. What am I gonna do tomorrow except play gamelan.... Zzz.

I don't really like playing the gamelan now because I find it so uneasy to be in close proximity with people like Magikarp. Inside joke, sorry. Also, the teacher keeps trying to find fault with me. What's his problem la?! Don't be mistaken, I do love gamelan as a CCA. Just not how it runs.

I guess Eugenia is right about love being such a complicated thing. On one hand it is tiring for me to be liking someone who doesn't do anything, and most probably dun feel the same way. But on the other hand, doing something for him makes me feel like it's worth it or something. It's like this different thing that goes, "Aiyah... It's for him wad..." Being unreciprocated is still such a negligible factor, and I am close to giving up.

Told Eugenia about how not expecting anything always leads to pleasant surprises. Her reply was inspiring, along the lines of "It doesn't mean that if you fail in life once, you're bound to fail again." Told me that I should give it one more chance and allow myself to do things again and not be afraid. I'm quite touched lor, seriously.

Yea, I should give it a shot, but what if I lose everything AGAIN? What if I get hurt again? What if I fail to be someone that people like? [People here excluding Magikarp, and natural enemies.]

Yea, Eugenia is right. He isn't like what was in the past. He isn't that sort of person who would be like That, not the sort of person who would be aggressive and excessively violent. He won't hit me on purpose, and he won't bruise me on purpose. And he won't relate me to geylang-women.

But perhaps I'll still be left alone. Now, I know I am, but I know he will return. Besides, I've got no right to say that he can't go anywhere he wants. His choice.