What if you just can't take it anymore? What if you just did what you've been planning to at a wrong time?

The result, a screw up.

But I've been screwing up my whole life, another screw up doesn't really matter to me that much. I've lost so many things that losing another doesn't seem like a huge loss anymore. And no matter what happens, I will not cry.

Because I'm not weak. I refuse to cry just because my heart tells me to. What is there to be afraid of when I'm born with a skull so hard, and with corners that will hurt stuff more than they hurt me?

And because I will not give up. Even with a heavy load on my back, I will never stop trying to stand up.

Cass will be like that until the day someone comes to hold her, and tells her that she doesn't need to try so hard anymore.

So perhaps, I will lack the ability to feel sadness anymore. Isn't that good?

Anyway, we had a great time playing Rockband today. We finally got to complete the curse 58 song set, and Gel managed to take a lot of photos. With it I put some interesting captions. Facebook!

One thing I really hated about my childhood was how once my form teacher wrote a note of complaint to my parents, about me being inattentive in class. Thanks to her, I knew I was going to get caned when I get home. What I hated most about that event was how she still had the guts to come up to me and ask if I was alright. You don't do something that will most definitely hurt someone, and then ask them if it was alright. Yes, and because of her, my Dad slapped me and I never loved him quite the same again.

And what I dislike about it right now is that it being done again, to me. This time it's a different person and a whole different set of circumstances.

And I'm really writing this right now because I'm faced with mixed emotions.

I just want things not to screw up for once, and when I place my trust in something it just gets destroyed, again and again. I don't even know why I still dare to trust.

Taking a step into the darkness.

Sometimes, I wished I could stay in there and never come back. Why put me in this world of light when I can never be truly happy? Even when I try to embrace this light, eventually it just kills me from inside out.

Yea, I think I will allow myself to be sad for awhile. I trust that he won't venture in here. Because inside, I'm dying.