Michael Jackson says: "You are not alone."

And before anyone starts to think sick, I hereby state that I never once believed Michael Jackson is the bad guy who touches kids and whatever that is. He is a talented musician who has numerous inspiring music pieces, and so Michael Jackson haters can scram right now.

He sort of reminds me of Dumbledore.

Well, I know I'm not alone, but one can define loneliness as something unique.

Indeed, I am an only child. Loneliness is inevitable, especially when my parents go to work and I am left at home alone during the holidays. Even now, when I come home early, the sense of loneliness hits me just as a put a toe into my home. There is nobody.

I cry when my mum tells me she is going out shopping with her friends after work. Because then she will be home late. And I am left, all alone.

I don't have much desire to log on to MSN nowadays.

The only person who I take comfort in talking…. Never talks.

The only person who I can talk to… Heartlessly blocked me.

People who skim the surface of my emotions, oblivious and unable to bring comfort… They spam me.

The person who might listen… Says hi, and never replies with sincerity.

The person who will listen… Has their own troubles.

The other people… They never bring me comfort. And sometimes, bring pain.

Why should I come online then?

Nobody listens. Nobody who can comfort me talks to me. Yet those who cannot bring me comfort spams me. Most of the time, it's just people asking me for help.

Why can't, for once, I be the one who gets helped? The one who gets help whenever she asks for it?

He says I'm selfish. What about him? He has the key to keep me smiling, as least put a stop to the sinking into depression. Yet, he doesn't want to render such help. He'd very much rather see me weep harder because he knew he had hurt me. Is that being unselfish?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That is the ethic of reciprocity.

I help others, but do they stop and render help when I most need it?

As for him, I went to such measures to keep him happy. Does he?

No, if he did, he would not have blocked me. Neither would he have been elated at the aspect of me crying, being hurt. He would never have rejected my plea for his help. Because he knows he can make me smile, but he chose to make me suffer.

When the girl he loved so bad ditched him in such a glorious fashion (in her perspective), when everybody mocked him… I was the one who helped. I was the one who had comforted him sufficiently, even if it was just for a little while.

Should I regret my decision?

Just like others say I was foolish?

Perhaps, only perhaps, they were right. For he never exactly remembered such things. Again and again, he pushed me away in the most brutal manner.

I could have stood there, and mocked at such a being. Someone being fed his own bitter medicine. He finally stood where I stood, felt what I felt. And best of all, an ending everyone predicted. An ending that made him a laughing stock.

No, I didn't. I still remained a friend even after he called me geylang names, underestimated my trust, hit me, told me how lousy I was, and pushed me away forcefully.

And he can't even put in a little effort to make this person smile for a little while.

He keeps telling everyone he's a mentor to people, he wants to take on a mentorship role.

Is it not a basic quality for a mentor to be understanding?

If not, it should just be called Master and slave.

It's a more heartless way of 'mentoring', and that's what he's doing right now, disposing of what he deems unworthy of his presence/knowledge/whatever-care-he-has.