For now I still have enough mental energy to keep myself going, must be that dose of positivity I stole from those kids at the playground. Nah, I'm just joking. I think I somehow did give myself some mental preparation that went like that...

Cass, this is the last time you are ever going to give all. This is the last time, in a long while. Last time where you are going to try to trust other people to know what to do, what is right.

So this time, when things turn bad, go wrong, it's alright. Because it is the last time in a long while anyway. After this, I'm going to turn it up and live it my way. Albeit all the wrong choices and sucky failure... I have had mistakes, bad ones, so often that I get numb to it. Instead of ouching and wincing, it's like "ooh, itchy."

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I must remember to pack my mental crapicine. There is always the chance that things are going to suck. And after 17 years of being on the receiving end of the suckiness, I'm more prepared. Not gonna trust and say ooh it WILL be fun. Coz everytime in the past I say that, they never really are.

Not that I don't trust the party organization, but it's destiny. If it was written in the book of prophecies that something is gonna be bad, it will be. Unless I have any power at all to change it.

Or anyone.

You know Cassandra is originally the name of a really good prophet in Greece? But then some dude called Apollo had to be an ass, and curse that poor lady so nobody believes her prophecies. The crazy thing is that Apollo gave her the gift.

That just totally sucks. And he cursed Cassie there coz she didn't want to return his love.

MEN. Sheesh, what is their problem?

Wait, Apollo is a Greek God. NVM.

I was thinking of death awhile back and it made me both sad and happy. Death makes one happy because it removes any current problems in life. Sad because even if there weren't any more problems, we won't be able to enjoy it. Lol.

And I was also reminded of the time when I had to go for surgery and they put me under general anaesthesia. Yes, I had surgery before but it was minor. The thing is, they pump stuff into me and I was determined to not close my eyes. The next thing I know, my head is bandaged and the nursing tapping my cheek to wake me up.

WTH? I didn't even feel myself going limp or anything.

And then I thought, what is that is what happened when people die. They don't even know it!

Scary, right? *shivers*

Anyway when I said I was thinking about death, I was thinking about the mechanics of it, not contemplating it.

Grarh, I'm tired. Lesgo sleep liao. Night yo!

OH YA, I got a new video up on youtube, but it's just a vlog, so check it out if you're bored and really that interested in what I have to say.