Anyway I was stuck at that sentence for the past 20 minutes or so. Just got an SOS, and that is really pushing me to the limits of trying to post something optimistic.

Never mind, we shall begin. We all agree that life sucks. Life sucks because the good things never come as often as the bad things do. Bad things happen, they make us bleed. They drag us into the deep depths of the never-ending hole. They hurt us, sometimes permanently.

The past two days, I have been watching Shane Dawson on Youtube. I know, it's youtube again. But when the world lets me down so damn bad, Youtube is one thing I can depend on. I especially love vlogs, comedies, and artsy videos. They make me laugh, they make me think, and whatever it is, it places a blanket over my troubles for a little while.

Shane Dawson's videos are quite inspiring. He's such a big guy on youtube, but just like us he faces these everyday problems. And I guess I can say that he managed to convince me to be optimistic for awhile. And his video about admitting your flaws really got me to type this here.

So, in case some of you people didn't know, there was something really horrible between Theodore and I now. I posted something really mean because I was frustrated, and angry that I got lied to and all. Maybe not exactly lied to, but a white lie is still a white lie. Then Theo posted something back, and it was equally as bad.

Yea, I totally deserved it. But I would have deserved it more if he had less contradictions and less false information on it. Not like my note was 100% true information though.

Yeah, anyway, I apologised and took the note down. Hopefully, Theo is forgiving enough. But if he isn't then there isn't much I can do anymore, right? Afterall, it's his choice and not mine.

Being lonely for almost a year (plus 17 months, and probably for my entire past), you just get accustomed to the fact that not many people are going care. Maybe I'm just not special enough. But when people do care, those people they mean the world to me. If he doesn't want to have me as a friend, then he is also not a friend worth having, right?

It is always said that friends are supposed to be with you, and those who do not are friends who are not worth keeping.

I believe that one day all this crap in my life will end, perhaps slow down, so that I can curl up and sleep without fear. One day, I am going to get the happiness I have been seeking. One day when people will stop using me, and be truly grateful for what I do. There is nothing I can do except to wait for that day to come. I have to remain standing, to live that moment and beyond. Even when I'm being battered or stoned, I still have to keep going.

Wounds will heal, scars that stay. It doesn't matter because that just shows how tough you are.

People make mistakes in life. Some more often than others, some didn't choose to be that way. Either way, we're all human, and to err is human, or something like that. And when they do, it is up to the people around them to help them learn and to give courage.

Although I do feel sad, I have got to remind myself that only I will be there to wipe those tears off my face. Nobody's going to see it, and come on, how many others will really care?

I can only hope, not expect. Hopes bring happiness as a bonus. That will be nice.

It is nice to dream.

And I imagine a place of love and hope, peace and joy.