I am typing this post now because I still can't fall asleep yet. I am in a conversation that is worth all my energy. Not to mention I took a drowsy pill and am supposed to be zonked out right now, but it doesn't matter.

So... Gel's happy now. Although I do not know yet what makes her that happy, I shall still say... Good for you, Gel! Lol, took me some effort to press the exclamation mark. I usually use fullstop, and then exclamation mark when I'm really angry about something, or when I'm happy, but I'm not usually happy so yea.

Okay, forgive me since I'm groggy right now. I feel drunk, but I'm not, coz I'm drowsy, alright? And in the mood to be emo and just say everything.

I want to be happy for you, I really do. But for a year I still can't find that happy for me. And if I can't even handle myself, I can't handle this. But I still want to be happy for you. I have to support myself emotionally, because nobody else will. Or maybe, the person that should will not do it.

It is, seriously, more than I can handle, so whatever I cannot relieve myself off, I either compress it within myself, or... I dunno.

But people around me, getting what they want, being happy because of it... It doesn't exactly make me feel happy too. Sometimes they remind me that I'm a loser, that I'm the only one who cannot get what she wants. Somehow, maybe, that they don't need me anymore and will not care anymore.

I don't know what I could have done better. I'm devoted, I'm patient. It's been a year, and I'm still alone. The person I like doesn't like me back. And then nobody else likes me.

All I need is YOU to be my side. Is that really that difficult? If I can be there for you, can't you at least SEE me? And as long as I stay devoted to you, you are NOT allowed to say that you're alone, you get me?

[You don't listen to me anyway, so it's really you to against me, I won't blame you if you still want to say you're alone. No, don't explain.]

I am waiting. I have been waiting. For you. You and only you.
Do you know how much I can give up just for you? No, you don't. So don't talk about it. I give up because you are worth it. But please, make it worth it.

Gel's right, I'm always number 2. It's great, at least I'm in the top 3 right? But it sucks if I stay no. 2 forever, you get me? Because every number 2 in the world wants to be number 1.
If one is good enough to be number 2, for god's sake, why not be number 1?

I want to be number 1. I don't want to be left behind like all number 2s are.
I can be better. And I am NOT going to be number 2 forever.

And especially, I wanna be your number 1.
I want you to turn around to see me. And when I'm not around you'll miss me.

Whatever. I'm gonna go sleeep.