I just have this random urge to type this post because I feel that the overall love in this world is on the decline. People are getting more selfish, more work-orientated, and they take a lot of people for granted.

Or maybe it's just me. At least 19 months without those kind of love that fills me up inside has taught me a lot about love.

What I feel for a really long time, is what I never want to go through anymore. At times, when things are good, it feels average, like this is where you are supposed to be. But when things get really bad, and you have nobody to turn to and nobody to comfort you... It has got to be the worst feeling ever. You feel really really tired but you can't fall asleep, want to cry but you can't because it means nothing, want to get it off your chest but you can't.

I never really turned to my parents' love until sometime last year. I always assumed it was there, and at times when I feel lousy and useless... that my parents would encourage me, and love me, and feel that I am special to them. When I wanted my parents' love, I realised that they replaced it with gifts and money. My mum would love me, but she doesn't understand anything I tell her anymore. Her way of helping me is to force me to believe that those aren't problems, or rather, her problem. My dad doesn't think I'm special in any way. And when he does that, my mum is inclined to believe I'm nothing special anymore. I don't have those filling love from them anymore.

All this has led to me being a perfectionist. I can't make any mistakes because nobody will be there to help, and if I do, people will never stop blaming me for them. It's like, they aren't helping yet they put all the blame on you. And everyday, this burden gets heavier and heavier.

Being deprived of attention and love, I have now come to realise that giving love is easy, but just that little bit of love can make someone's day easier to get through. One less insult a day, one more sentence of encouragement... is like a sip of water in the desert.

Without love, people will be constantly drained, become increasingly depressed, and wish for the end of the world.

I try to have my parents love me more, but it isn't working. So on top of me now having low self-esteem, they aren't even putting in any effort to tell me i'm special. They can't even lie for a moment and tell me that I am special to them omg.

So like my facebook says.. I need someone to take care of me. I don't want to do everything alone anymore. I don't want to be alone when the world ends. I want to be loved like a child craves for candy. And I want to feel special.