I was wearing a mask for the entire second half of the day today. I may seem smiley, cheery, and optimistic.

Yet I am utterly disappointed. For once in quite some time, I didn't put in my best effort today. The interview sucked. The questions couldn't register. I didn't know what to answer. I obviously screwed up. For something I want to do, I seriously screwed up.

All I could tell myself is that what's done is done. I tell others that if they want me, then want.. Don't want then don't want. But that's not what's running through my mind. If they didn't want me, I deserve it, seriously... But there's no use thinking about stuff right now because I can say that I can't make it. For the simple reason that I didn't try my best.

(Pardon my next sentence.)
F*** that. I didn't make it. It doesn't matter. I deserve it.
As I always believed, leadership and me don't go together. I don't get a title for myself. I just lead by being who I am. This is the last straw. I do not need a freaking title.

Thanks for all the love, people. I've let you down. I'm sorry.

Now cheer is threatening me. I saw how stressful it was today. I just had this feeling I can't make it.

I can't make it for anything.

I just feel like having someone yell at me right now.