How they didn't complain when we took almost half a day for our meeting, tired, but we still managed to do things.

I am really touched, and I am reassured by you people that we can do this.

On the other hand, there are still things that worry me much.

I feel, that things should be much more focused. I can't really talk much here, with all the politics already buzzing around... But I do hope that things will get much better from today on because without a change, I am afraid that my heart won't follow.

My suggestion is, don't play so much when it comes to it... Because it is important, firstly, that work gets done before play. It isn't easy to find a common time for serious work, so I feel that time could be better managed in that sense.

Yep.

I guess that is the reason why I felt so awkward at times, when people are talking among themselves, making inside jokes, and all I could do is to sit and listen. Even so, people are judging, saying that I don't do anything. It is not that, okay... I just don't get what you guys are talking about. And that is how I run, I need to observe how you guys work before I can step up to join and interact.

I didn't get a chance to form first impressions of everyone, so I can't relate to everyone just by a snap of fingers. I assure you that once I can connect with you guys properly, I will be a very good friend.

Nonetheless, thank you all still for getting me to play the games as though I was already a good friend.

So these two days haven't been easy for me. And I really am touched that I at least had someone on the outside to communicate with, for me to rant and talk rubbish to. I really don't know if I'm being irritating, but to this special person who has been through my nonsense these two days. Really thank you, and ilu.

It has been emotionally draining. Non-stop questioning of myself as a person, continuous worry of being judged again and again and again, pushing myself even though all I want to do is just run away.

I am aware of myself, who I am, how I work... And these two days really go against that. Even though I know it won't be easy to change who I am, I know I have to. Change is never easy, always painful. But no matter what, I have to pull through. I will fall, I will bleed, and I will cry... but there's no other option, is there?

Yet change is always controversial. People want others to change, change for the better, perhaps... But when it does occur, we question again and again, if that was still being yourself. How many times have I changed, just for people to walk away from me saying that I am not the person they once knew me as.

Sighx.

One person, cannot be everything all at once. I want my friends to be close to me, and it is really not in my nature to hold on to large groups of people who aren't very close. Firstly is because I feel very obliged to invest a lot of my time and dedication into my friendships. Being in a large group exhausts me because I will want to give fair treatment and love to everyone. Secondly, the friends around me are placed so close to me because I trust they won't hurt me. I don't want to throw myself in the midst of a large group of people, not knowing each individually.

That is me. For now. And who I know myself as.

So yeah... There are many who can't accept this. And I know that it can become a problem. But if the ppl think that I can have enough love to go around for everyone, I shall try my best. Alright?

I really, really want my friends to know I am always there for them.