Another day gone, another day closer to his transfer.
Soon, I will be going to school alone. Eating lunch alone. Eating dinner alone. Attending lectures like an empty being. Nothing to look forward to at the end of the day.

Sienz ji bua.

Today I just felt extremely extremely stressed out. My tear ducts did betray my emotions a few times but thankfully nobody caught it. The whole day today felt like I was going to explode and there was nobody to talk to.

But glad to say, I made it. It was tough, and it was frustrating, but I made it. Even though my chest felt tight a lot of times and I thought I couldn't breathe, I still did.

I just didn't know what to do. Things just keep being taken away from me. Promises broken. Being left alone and being told I was going to be left alone...
Being independent is one thing, it's there when you absolutely have no choice to coz nobody is taking care of you... I can't do it all the time. Obvious reason: I need you!

Sigh.

If I had a self-destruct button, today would be the day I'd press it.

Just couldn't get my points through to Leonard. Sms is a bitch. So is the camp.
Everytime I see what he says in his sms and I have to reply, I just feel like giving up and like, really throw my phone at the wall to break it. But my iPhone is worth more than that so I resisted. So badly.
Have no more energy for that. I can just imagine myself just collapsing there and not doing anything.

Well, nobody enjoys being told that they have to independent coz someone else has no time for them. It's not even an excuse since it is only a matter of how one manipulates their time. By that statement, another promise/word has been broken. If someone were important enough to them, then they would naturally be willing to free up some time for them. A want to care for them. To make sure they're fine.

Doubt that saying sorry sorry all the time would mean anything if they didn't mean it or if they couldn't be bothered avoiding doing such things again...

I just feel like giving up on everything now. I am too tired to handle and to fight anymore. Just spare me the pain already... Take me home...