I'm making an effort to be alright with what's going on.
I find myself being really frustrated, really irritated at what's going on around me. Not to mention, really tired, and really moodless in doing what I do or have to do.

Sometimes I just wished friends could be friends, and everyone around can be just like a happy one big family. You care for me and me care for you, sorta thing. I hate it when politics come into play, or when someone just becomes selfish, or someone's not being receptive. Sigh.

Everything seems so much like a chore. Going here, going there... Staying here, staying there... Waiting for shit to happen. I just am so tired and sick of it. Somehow feel like I'm alone again just waiting for someone to come notice me.

I wish many things. I wished I didn't have to go through this, basically. The stress, the packed schedules, the awkward moments, and the near future. Damn, I just want it all to stop. Can we just go back to how we were. Where everyday is just going to lectures, doing tutorials, seeing friends, and seeing Lennie...

I'm honestly not looking forward to start of term where everybody is leaving. The reason that kept me in science, that family around me. Now, the prospect of it being taken away. I'll be surrounded by scenes I'd very much like to have. And when I see them I feel alone again. Yes, I really am. It won't be the same, the hallways will look empty, the clubroom cold, my room a prison, and every sound I hear would sound muffled.

The idea of being replaced. Not by someone, no. But by an idea, an entity. A choice that would be difficult for him to make. Sometimes... I just wished it could be easier. I just wished. If it's them or me, that it would be easy to tell which is a better option.

I really don't know how to put this in words anymore. I just don't want to do anything anymore. Everything I do seems to just make things worse, make me feel worse. I just want time to stop now and not progress. I want him here again. I don't want to do anything for fear of matters getting worse. Stop. Just stop everything.

I want things to be how it was awhile ago. I don't want to let go of it.
I don't want to see things that remind me of what I should have gotten, yet not going to be getting them...
I have been trying. But things are not making it easier for me.
I'm ripping myself open and bleeding, yet I know it is for the best. Because there is no other option. Everyone knows it's painful, and they know that it's the only way to do it.

I don't want to...