Honestly still haven't had a good day since a long time ago. Not that I'm having high standards about things, but I haven't really enjoyed any day for a really long time. Because every single day brings about a reason for me to be annoyed.

It seems to be like no matter how much you've prepped, ensured that things are set up the right way, planned down to the fine details... Things will just happen to throw the situation into chaos. When you had all your leaky holes covered, a new one has to pop up out of the blue and screw things up.

And there are times where I keep having to consider others' feelings, while others aren't giving a damn about how I feel and that is frustrating to the core. Essentially it tires me out coz I keep having to give and others keep taking me for granted. What does it take to let them know that I need considering too, and that I matter too...

Haiz. This kinda time, I just feel like not doing anything and let everything crumble around me. Somehow I just feel like it's just meant to be that I can't be happy. I still don't understand why things keep screwing up for me.

I feel like just a little person in the world, like the sands that people step on all the time and not appreciating that they have ground to put their feet. I'm tired of being one of those. I also want people to think me important, to hold me close to their hearts, to protect me with all their might.

I've been putting up my defenses and fending for myself for such a long time. Just want to find some relief of such tasks, or at least have someone to share it with. It doesn't help that although people claim that I'm important to them, there is still something else more important. I don't think I'm no. 1 to anyone now. Not even my parents.