Welfare - Where's mine?
Right now I'm trying to save what's left of it all. What I have, what I can.
And to be honest, I don't really know what to type on here anymore except that typing on here gives me some sense of comfort. Some, just enough to keep me from going insane at this very moment.
It wasn't like I expected this. I didn't.
Don't really know how to put this but today was basically a straight road to hell for me. In my situation, there was really nothing I could do. I had to either be quiet and let myself and my priorities be disvalued, or to do something about it and cause whatever it is to happen today.
What happened was a meeting that was supposed to be at 12.
And what occurred was a series of really hard-to-make decisions. But then I thought, he is a person who understood passion. Turns out to be otherwise because judging by the situation, no matter what I do, I have to be on the losing end.
I could get to my meeting on time, and seriously jeopardize me relationship. Or allow us to be extremely and jeopardize our relationship (also) and my impression on the MCs.
In any way, one way ticket to hell.
I often wonder why life enjoys bringing me to such places, makes me make such screwed up decisions. Often wonder why life never seems to think I've done enough to deserve some peace, love, and joy.
All I want, is to be happy with the man that I love.
That's all.
Yet it always seems that life is expecting so much of me. To make me sacrifice so much not to improve things, but to keep things the way they are. Life gives the people around me much joy and relaxation, yet places its burdens on me.
I have no idea what I did to deserve this.
Have I not loved enough, respected enough, and understood enough. I've taken so much of my pains by myself, yet I'm the one not reaping the benefits.
And I'm tired. I want to just cry and cry and not stop until this is all settled and I'm back to when this fucked up thing didn't happen. When I could stay in my room with Lennie and not worry about anything.
Life sucks.
And please, just give me back what I had. Don't leave me, and don't take this away from me.
And to be honest, I don't really know what to type on here anymore except that typing on here gives me some sense of comfort. Some, just enough to keep me from going insane at this very moment.
It wasn't like I expected this. I didn't.
Don't really know how to put this but today was basically a straight road to hell for me. In my situation, there was really nothing I could do. I had to either be quiet and let myself and my priorities be disvalued, or to do something about it and cause whatever it is to happen today.
What happened was a meeting that was supposed to be at 12.
And what occurred was a series of really hard-to-make decisions. But then I thought, he is a person who understood passion. Turns out to be otherwise because judging by the situation, no matter what I do, I have to be on the losing end.
I could get to my meeting on time, and seriously jeopardize me relationship. Or allow us to be extremely and jeopardize our relationship (also) and my impression on the MCs.
In any way, one way ticket to hell.
I often wonder why life enjoys bringing me to such places, makes me make such screwed up decisions. Often wonder why life never seems to think I've done enough to deserve some peace, love, and joy.
All I want, is to be happy with the man that I love.
That's all.
Yet it always seems that life is expecting so much of me. To make me sacrifice so much not to improve things, but to keep things the way they are. Life gives the people around me much joy and relaxation, yet places its burdens on me.
I have no idea what I did to deserve this.
Have I not loved enough, respected enough, and understood enough. I've taken so much of my pains by myself, yet I'm the one not reaping the benefits.
And I'm tired. I want to just cry and cry and not stop until this is all settled and I'm back to when this fucked up thing didn't happen. When I could stay in my room with Lennie and not worry about anything.
Life sucks.
And please, just give me back what I had. Don't leave me, and don't take this away from me.
