Didn't really want to post stuff here because someone reads it and is judging me based on my blog... It's kinda sad, coz my blog is the only avenue I can post stuff about how I really feel deep inside and a way for me to relieve some of my saddest thoughts.
Having this avenue taken away, or being labelled as a liability is such a sad thing. It makes me even sadder.

But nonetheless, still my blog. I will include a disclaimer then: Everything typed in the post from this point onwards is not to be used for judgement of the original blogger and author. Should you read on from this point onwards, you are taken to have accepted the above terms and in no way are you allowed to use any material on this post to judge the author.

These few weeks have been terrible. Argh.
School started, and the only weekend I had to rest was the weekend that just passed. And now, it's already recess week and I have 3 midterms spanned through 2 days once school starts again.

I have thus been very stressed ever since, and to add on to that, Someone has been making things difficult for me. I've been trying so damn hard to get it back and he just simply refuses. Not only that, I have been requested to do several things in exchange for... a lot less than what I originally had.

I can't even believe it, all because of one stupid event. My life turned upside down.
The only person who can put it back in place isn't wanting to do so, and I spend my days upset, sobful. While he walks around like a dignified prince.

I also just realized that I cannot think about things that make me happy because he says so. I can't think about how perfect my life was, because he says so. What was supposed to be a relaxing chill on the PGP square blocks (where I love to be at when I look at stars), turned out to be one which made me shed tears, got really sad, and walked up to my room with puffy eyes.

I can't even be happy in my own right when he fails to NOT make me cry. Sigh.

And to be honest, my life sucks, no matter how you look at it. Yes, I am very fortunate to be in good health, study in a uni, and stay in a good hostel room. But this aren't the things that can hurt someone, it's what hurts from within.

It hurts when you know you are SO lucky to have met two guys consecutively, whom I had loved very much, who fail to appreciate me for who I am. For judging me based on my looks. What my body is or made up of. I just don't comprehend how my luck can be so bad.
And I spent so much time and effort on it to boot.

And some selfishness kick in and ruins everything for me.

The perfect birthday I envisioned, the one where everything in life falls in place and there is that security factor. GONE. With one person's selfishness.

I always wanted a birthday like that and I was that close to getting it. Until that stupid stupid day.

Don't understand why fate has to make me walk an entire circle just for me to end up where I was. I bet that bitch is laughing at me right now.
I just want to walk ONCE, and be done. I don't need to walk a smoother path or what, I just want one.

That stupid fate.

Why can't I just have a life where people can appreciate me for who I am. Why?
With the amount of good things I've ever done, I deserve good karma. So why?
Why can't the person I love, just love me back for who I am forgod'ssake. WHY?

Haihz. For now, life sucks back again. And in fact, it sucks so much more now.