Semester is coming to an end real soon.

This semester is going to be terrible as a sincerely fear a drop in my CAP. My modules haven't shown any good grades thus far, and I've seen many fails and below averages for them. But I can't do anything about what's done now, and can only look forward.

Still there is so much to do, and so little motivation.

Although things have not been too different, I just don't feel like my life is going anywhere for the long run. I am going to Korea for 5 months, yes, but I haven't even done preparations for it.
Heck, I haven't even done my mapping for it, except for 3 essential modules.

My PGP room has mould growing on its walls, and is totally mucking up my clothes in the closet, my towel, my toothbrush, everything. Ant continually raid my desk even though there isn't any bit of food on it. I really hate my room, really hate it.

All I wish for is for this semester to end, on a good note. I really do want good grades, although to be honest I can't see it happening. It has occurred to me that students in my school do not receive the grades they deserve. And even if one puts in much effort into studying, at the end of the day, it doesn't reward us appropriately. It's the bell curve, where good is not good enough, and excellent is not even good enough. I can be a very intelligent person, but can fail a module when I am not intelligent enough like the rest of my classmates are. Even if I studied day and evening, I can't get an A because someone else studied day and night.

Sigh.

I seriously think my life is screwed up, and has been from the start.

I had all these plans for myself a long time ago, and I've always dreamed of what I'd be doing at my age now but the hard truth is that none of them came true. Even though I've been through so much as a young girl, and learning about the world through the setbacks presented to me...
It still doesn't help that those setbacks are major enough to turn my entire life around and empty my dreams.

I believe in the butterfly effect. One small thing occurring somewhere can snowball and turn into a huge thing that ruins everything you ever dreamed about, wished for, worked for, strive for.

Having no motivation, I think... It was valid.

How I wished things would all change.

That I'd meet just that someone who knew to stay. Someone who'd accept me, imperfections and all. I know to love and treasure others because I was once a reject and an outcast whose sole purpose was to give others a reason to love me. I know what hurts, and what destroys... And to me, I don't seek perfection, and I don't seek a specific feeling. I just want someone who knew to stay and knew to fight for me.

I don't want to be unappreciated like I have always been.

The people who care for me, and are allowed to, are the ones who care through their actions and their heart. How many people out there can randomly ask how my week went? Everyone can. My true friends are the ones who ask about my week, and know how to take action for me.

When you block me from Facebook, it's a freaking sign you don't even care about me. Why bother asking me how my week went? It's fake, and it's disgusting. In my entire new university life, you are the one who has hurt me the most. You also became the most childish guy I've met. None of your actions have shown that you care for me. Of course, you do, but that is when you needed me to do shit for you. If you can't do anything to make me feel better after what you've done to me, after how much you've damaged me and ruined everything for me... Then I do not wish to tell you how my week went.

I'd rather talk to the people who really care and bother to do something for me to make me feel better.

You, are just freaking bent on forcing your thoughts onto me. Assuming that what you think is best for me, is what I want in life. You blame everything on me and the relationship whenever anything goes wrong. I am always the one fixing things for us, while you busied yourself pushing everything to me.

I lost my respect for you, the way you never respected me or my feelings.

So stop lying to yourself that you've my saviour. You're a destroyer, a menace, an incorrigible snobbish boy.