Waiting in the dark.
These two weeks are going to be busy as hell. Have too many meetings. And too much to do within 14 days.
Yet today, I'm going to write a little about my feelings. Sorry if it sounds really emo or whatever, but it's really late at night and my pondering mode is on right now. It's at night when everything I've seen for the past almost 21 years fly past my mind, and I get reminded of everything. Yes, everything I remember. Don't you get these moments?
I admit that going to camp without a boyfriend is really carefree because I don't have to worry about someone, I don't have to worry about being perfect for someone, I could just totally let my hair down and do crazy things because I know nobody is keeping an eye on me. Even when playing games, I heck care about getting hurt or what because after all the only person taking care of me is me! If I get hurt then get hurt lor. I take care of myself.
And sometimes when I walk home alone, or walk anywhere alone, I think about how much I've grown or changed as a person since so long ago. I know that my self-esteem has went up very much since a long time ago. Last time, I'd admit I wasn't the prettiest thing to look at. But now I can confidently say that I am a decent person appearance-wise. My thoughts have become more mature, that's for sure. I'm improving my skills in social observation.
Most people say I'm a great person, a helpful person. And closer friends tell me that I am too good a person and I care too much. Which is true. I am too aware of others' feelings for my own good. When I get involved in helping them past a tough spot, they get used to it. And there will come a point where my personal welfare is in conflict with what the other person wants from me. I admit I'm a really soft person most of the time. Especially when it comes to feelings. Which is why I get hurt so easily.
Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore!
As I am slowly getting my guards up again, I start to feel the loneliness that starts to creep in. I start to feel the stress of having to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Resetting my mind to become independent yet again and to convince myself there will not be anyone. And thus I begin my wait.
Waiting for the day someone is brave enough to break through these defenses. Someone who will touch me with their genuine care, and bring my warmth with their hugs. Someone who will come in, and tell me that they'll stay, and that I will be his life. Someone whom I can trust with my defenseless self. Someone who I know won't go away, someone who will not hurt me in my weakest moments.
And I shall begin my long, and lonely wait.
Yet today, I'm going to write a little about my feelings. Sorry if it sounds really emo or whatever, but it's really late at night and my pondering mode is on right now. It's at night when everything I've seen for the past almost 21 years fly past my mind, and I get reminded of everything. Yes, everything I remember. Don't you get these moments?
I admit that going to camp without a boyfriend is really carefree because I don't have to worry about someone, I don't have to worry about being perfect for someone, I could just totally let my hair down and do crazy things because I know nobody is keeping an eye on me. Even when playing games, I heck care about getting hurt or what because after all the only person taking care of me is me! If I get hurt then get hurt lor. I take care of myself.
And sometimes when I walk home alone, or walk anywhere alone, I think about how much I've grown or changed as a person since so long ago. I know that my self-esteem has went up very much since a long time ago. Last time, I'd admit I wasn't the prettiest thing to look at. But now I can confidently say that I am a decent person appearance-wise. My thoughts have become more mature, that's for sure. I'm improving my skills in social observation.
Most people say I'm a great person, a helpful person. And closer friends tell me that I am too good a person and I care too much. Which is true. I am too aware of others' feelings for my own good. When I get involved in helping them past a tough spot, they get used to it. And there will come a point where my personal welfare is in conflict with what the other person wants from me. I admit I'm a really soft person most of the time. Especially when it comes to feelings. Which is why I get hurt so easily.
Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore!
As I am slowly getting my guards up again, I start to feel the loneliness that starts to creep in. I start to feel the stress of having to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Resetting my mind to become independent yet again and to convince myself there will not be anyone. And thus I begin my wait.
Waiting for the day someone is brave enough to break through these defenses. Someone who will touch me with their genuine care, and bring my warmth with their hugs. Someone who will come in, and tell me that they'll stay, and that I will be his life. Someone whom I can trust with my defenseless self. Someone who I know won't go away, someone who will not hurt me in my weakest moments.
And I shall begin my long, and lonely wait.
